by Lady Lee 62 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Lady Lee,
In the past year I have had to take a "no contact" stance with my NPD mother and I have taken the time to finally address a number of physical problems; most of which are directly related to decades of piled up stress, a combination of her psychological and emotional abuse and JWism. I have wondered if it possible for anyone coming from this type of background to suffer from some degree of PTSD?
Lori
I think it is hard not to have some PTSD after years of living a life of emotional terrorism.
And make no mistake: living with one of these people is a form of terrorism
Lady Lee --- I hear ya about men using the same abuse techniques. Mankind is a sick lot. Another arena is women's groups (charity). There's always a hierarchy and cliques big time.
First, THANK YOU, dear Lady (the greatest of love and peace to you!) for posting this!! I have personally known one abusive man in my life (although I heard/knew OF others). I have known of MANY abusive women, however, and my admission of this is one the things that caused my husband to take interest in me. He was shocked when I admitted to him that women [are] manipulative in general (yes, there are exceptions to the rule, of course, but yes, we are, although not necessarily always in a bad way, but even WE take pride in saying we "know how to get what we want")... and he was blown away. Because we women don't often cop to that truth. No... to hear us tell it, we're virtually always the "victim." Like others here, however, virtually ALL of the abuse I ever received in my life came from women.
Being a woman, however... and thus having women friends, relatives, coworkers, neighbors, etc., I have no problem stating this as truth. I have seen how they handle their husbands and children (sometimes publicly humiliating them), how they scratch and claw in "friendships" as well as in professional situations and ambitions, and more.
Does that mean men are not abusive? Absolutely not. Are ALL women abusive? Again, no. But for us [women] to run around and act like women are NOT abusive and manipulative is just another manifestation OF that manipulation: the deceit that often underlies it.
PEOPLE can be abusive... and abuse is NOT limited by gender, any more than it's limited by age, race, class, economics, culture, or religion.
While many of the screwed up people in the world can look to a weak, domineering, abusive, drunk or otherwise incompetent father, others can look toward the same kind of mother, some even more so.
So, again, thank you - it's about time we women came out of the closet on this and my heart goes out to all of the WOMEN who made the choice to break the chain when it came to their own children!
Peace to you, dear one!
A slave of Christ,
SA
Nearly every war in history has been started by MEN:
This observation warrants some further discussion! (And is not entirely irrelevant to the subject of this thread)
- While the statement itself is true, what is being concluded from that fact may not actually be quite as it is being portrayed.
Would human history have been any more peaceful if women had been in charge?
Look at some of the examples of what happened when women were in charge:
- as in Catherine the Great of Russia, or Margaret Thatcher of the United Kingdom. Both showed theselves up as being just as aggressive as any man, as well as being more ruthless than most men would ever be. (The Falklands War, for example).
During the First South African War (1881), it was Afrikaaner women who played a large part in fostering hostilities, by using their powers of manipulation - whether subtly or otherwise - to get their men to go off and fight. (In more than a few cases, actually taking the family rifle down off the wall, thrusting it into the husband / father / or son's hands, and calling him a coward if he did not then mount his horse and ride off to join the Commando).
An attempt in the latter 19th Century to colonise the Jacksons Bay area in New Zealand's South Island fell apart because the immigrants quickly set to fueding among themselves - a feud which was started by, and sustained by, THE WOMEN in the community.
I myself have witnessed many brawls, in which it was the women who started and / or sustained the fight (even though it was men who were doing the actual fighting).
I grew up with two sisters, as did several of my close friends . Speaking from my own experience, plus what I also observed, there are just as many troublemakers amongst women as there are amongst men. Furthermore, all the female troublemakers I knew (and, I can tell you, that group comprises a sizeable number!) went about it in a more devious manner, making them the more destructive of the two.
That most wars in history have been started by men is solely because of which gender held the power - nothing else.
If roles had been reversed, and it was women who held power instead of men, then the history of the human race would have been no more peaceful than it has been.
Bill.
Thank you guys for your kind comments.
What I'd like to know is if women are really the gentler, more nurturing gender then why is ot that children who grow up without fathers wind up with just as amny if not more problems as those who grow up with two parents?
I really don't see it as a gender issue. Each side might act out the abuse differently but they both have terrible track records.
Let's face it we live in a very dysfunctional world. The answer to the male domination of earlier decades isn't to try to be like men. It is to try to live peacably with each other.
I've been on the receiving end of abuse by both genders. My goal in life is to avoid abusive people as much as possible. I saw my father only 2 times after I was 12 yrs old and the court took me away from him and gave me to my mother. Once when I was 18 and once when I went to confront him when I was in my early 30s. He was easy to avoid. It took me until I was in my 40s to recognize how toxic my mother was. What she did was so much harder to identify.
Lee, great topic! Would you agree that this behavior is a version of emotional terrorism?
"An additional factor, making the terrorist so dangerous, is the fact that the terrorist, while in positively monomaniacal pursuit of her goal, feels fueled by a sense of omnipotence. Perhaps it is true that one imagines oneself omnipotent when, in truth, one is in a position of impotence (as in the case of losing one's familial control through dissolution). Whatever the source of the sensation of omnipotence, the terrorist believes herself to be unstoppable, and unbound by the constraints or conscience or empathy, believes that no cost (cost, either to the terrorist or to other family members) is too great to pay toward the achievement of the goal."
"To limit the terrorist's feelings of omnipotence, there are many effective measures. The guiding principle, as in the handling of political terrorists, must be: "There is no negotiating with terrorists." Endless telephone calls, conversations, confrontation, trial "get-back-togethers," correspondence, visitations, gestures of appeasement, and efforts to placate the terrorist's demands, all serve to reinforce the terrorist's belief that she is accomplishing something. Only determined resolution in the face of terrorism shows the terrorist that her power is limited.
Like physical aggression, emotional and verbal abuse must be stopped before infects the next generation.
Yes I would agree. My mother (an example) abused us before she was ever a JW. They simply reinforced her belief that beating her children was a "Godly" thing to do. So she took great pride in showing people the leather strap she had hanging on a nail by the front door. No one was ever going to accuse her of failing to follow the Bible's counsel to beat her children.
And no there is no negotiating with them. It just makes them think they still have all the power
I am a proud feminist. Go Alice Paul! The remarks about female supervisors in lowly positions that lack power is cogent. As I said before, some fields are female ghettos. These industries are very low-paying. Women cook for the minimum wage, men become chefs and make vast sums. Remember Julia Child was denied admission to the Cordon Bleu b/c she was female. I don't know how much to generalize from my experience. Social forces are obvious. I would cry so hard in high school b/c I'd be out with female friends who would dump me immediately to go off with any casual male. Advance arrangements could not be planned and made b/c a man might call. They view their time with me as worthless and demeaning. Once I graduated from high school and left my working class ghetto, I made it to the Big Apple and Barnard College, the women's college at Columbia.
Barnard boosted female self image. Margaret Mead was an active alumnae. These young women would never break plans with another woman to date a man. Men had to know their proper place. They felt very worthwhile compared to men. Men were loved passionately but time was made for studies, career and female friends. What a difference! We demonstrated for abortion rights. When abortion was illegal, dorm funds were set up. Everyone would money in a common pot so that an unplanned pregnancy meant either a sympathetic Park Ave. gyn or a trip to Europe. Sometimes I thought I would pulled apart with the contrasts in my life. We made up class conflicts to take courses at Columbia but Columbia men flocked to our side of Broadway, too.
Raised in the Witnesses, it was a marvel to see sexy, smart women practicing their professions. Betty Friedan was a constant as was Bella Abzug. We adored Sylvia Plath and Virginia Wolf. Erica Jong graduated a few years earllier. We were heady with power. I rejoiced. Those Witnesses males could f themselves. Elaine Pagels, the most respecteds scholar on Gnosticism, explained how God always had sons of God in the Bible. Son of Man was the messianic term that Jesus used. When she pointed out that no daughters of God were in the Bible, I said, F. God. and started praying to Our Mother.
This was normal for most of the students. It was good news to me. Of course, we discovered as Margaret Mead predicted that you can't have it all at one time. It must be staggered. Women bear children. Men don't. It is commonplace today. I felt as though as I were in a charmed land. It was precisely what I needed after the long siege of abuse from the Witnesses. Yes, I can study and be loved. Protest was encouraged. Yes! Alleulia. I never had to sit and dumb down. I was worth a female friend not cancelling plans or having an actual tantrum b/c she was with me Most men like brainy women. It is the Witnesses who are abnormal freaks, not me.
Life isn't perfect. If I stayed in the Witnesses, I never would have known happiness. They kill human spirit. Vive human spirit!
