Abusive Women and manipulation (page 6)

jgnat

OOOOH, he KNOWS he's lucky. I see it in his sea-green eyes when he thinks I'm not looking. I hear it in his uproarious laugh every time I speak my mind over some elderism.

Lady Lee

OUTLAW Where the heck have you been? People were worried about you.

JG It is always great to see you. Writing that letter was very powerful for me. I learned a lot by doing it - write put it away for a couple of days, write some more, change a few things, put it away again, write some more. There wound up being a lot of repeats and some situaltions kept repeating so I didn't need to elaborate each time - just show a pattern. She didn't apologize. And whatever she thinks or feels or does with the info is entirely up to her. I never found out what she wanted. I suspected it was to be friends again. But there was no way I was going down that road and after reading my letter - which was direct and to the point without being nasty or rude - I think she realized I would not ever welcome her back into my life.

Even if she had gone for therapy I don't think I would have ever trusted her again. I would never trust my mother again either. The lesson has been learned - the hard way and it took me far too many years to learn it.

That doesn't mean that even at almost 60 years old I don't with it had been different. But it was what it was and I have to accept that and keep moving forward. MNo one should live with an abusive person in their life regardless of the kind of abuse (or neglect) they dish out to the people around them.

Interesting sidenote: My mother had 5 children. Only the last was planned. She threw my sister out of the house when she was 15 and put her in a foster home instead of really dealing with the problems at home. My sister commited suicide 5 years ago. That is how destructive my mother was.

The next youngest child suffers from (I believe) schizophrenia, the next has disappeared and used drugs for many of them. The oldest of the 3 boys get into trouble with the law many times and hads spent many years in jail

And then there is me. What more can I say?

Lady Lee

zid

I knew you weren't trying to excuse the behaviors - just trying to present some theories about it.

And yup I've met a few of those 'Nice" women who always have the knife ready to stick in your back

OUTLAW

Hey (((LadyLee!!))..

All my communication was down..I`ll post a thread about it in the next day or so..

Or..

I`ll end up Hi-jacking alot of Threads..LOL!!..

...................... ...OUTLAW

avishai

Zid, Thx for clarification, I really appreciate it. And, often the "nice" "martyr" types are the absolute monsters, the WORST. Of either gender, I will write more on that tomorrow.

jgnat

Sparkles right back, Lady Lee. About your mom. What struck me right off is the children all know if they were planned or not. How would they know unless their mom told them? Obvious it was all about her, with no consideration for the security and comfort of her children.

Lady Lee

She made sure we knew we were accidents.

I was the major accident because she wasn't married and considered herself a good Catholci girl. Knowing my father it was probably a date rape but she was young and naive and decided it was better to marry him and have the baby so it wouldn't be illegitamite, then give it up for adoption because she really didn't want a baby and then divorce my father. I heard this story often growing up. Seems she refused to see the baby for a couple of days. The nurses told her they didn't have anyone to take her so she would have to take the baby home until they found someone to take the baby. So she took me home and decided to keep me.

And because she got pregnant and had the baby and decided to keep her instead of giving her away I ruined her life.

So that is the story of my birth told to me more times than I can remember. Really makes a child feel loved and wanted, doesn't it?

And I wonder how she could abandon me to my father when I was 8, then get me back when I was 11 and give me away again a year later. Then she gets me back when I am 16 and arranges a marriage for me exactly 2 years later. And again when I was disfellowshipped. Is it any wonder I don't want her back in my life just so she can walk away again? Trust isn't high on my list regarding her

jeckle

so lady lee is there any hope for me to meet a balanced women and settle down im terrified about not having a loved in my life . my stepmom is that kind of woman and my dad was very physically abusive and all the witlesses said i deserved it or swept it under the carpet i was the circuit scape goat. married twice both toxic only the last not near as bad as 1st i have been working on myself for 6 or so years now but im gonna be 37 this year and carpae dium. i want to make everyday count

AudeSapere

(marking for later)

LV101

LadyLee -- do you think she'd get you back when she was experiencing weakness/loneliness and desperate in her life and needed YOU there to fill some void. sounds like the egg donor in my life. the minute they feel alittle stronger or have someone who means anything at all to them in their life --- YOU ARE HISTORY, and they can actually gloat about using one and their power. their exploitation and getting away w/abusive behavior makes them more arrogant. AND, they can look into your face and feeling WHAT THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU want to hurt you yet again, and send you packing. i think this is a freedom gift from God to be away from EVIL.

i feel exactly like you do --- i don't want to see her face EVER and there's a numbness in my heart -- actually, i don't even think of her unless really, really, bored or some situation arises. the egg donor in my situation is so ANGRY she can't use me anymore --- other than dire circumstances, she's really out to hurt me by avoiding contact w/me and nothing makes me happier because i don't answer phone unless message indicates trauma and think i've eliminated that problem, also. she's getting nothing out of me except what i'm compelled to do for any other enemy.

you're doing great and in reality and that's all it takes -- sure you'll always long for a mommy but you become that to yourself and the opportunity to share and receive love with good people in the world who are worth it.

Abusive Women and manipulation

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