I know most of the people here are well aware of the unspoken undercurrents of the Society's iron-fist rulership of the congregation, but most JWs aren't. The people who are still seen as "friends" can pretty much go about their lives and nobody says anything to them. Stand out as different and not be among the clique of the congregation popular and one will be crucified for they way they tie their shoes. Another problem is, if you are in the clique, you'd never believe that to be the case because, in your mind, you have first-hand experience that doesn't happen.
Imagine trying to explain the witch hunts performed by elders to a child of an elder. We all know they get away with murder. We all know elders' daughters can come up pregnant, elders' sons can do drugs with virtual impunity, they can have drunken parties and have sex 'til the cows come home as long as they don't make too much of a public spectacle of it. Daddy will protect them and coach them through JCs, so they come out with a slap on the wrist.
Then, there are those who every time the elders talk to them, it's just to try to find something to find fault with. Every word must be carefully chosen and every action is being scrutinized for something to accuse. Some folks here have to guard against their own family, as they're little gestapo, looking for brownie points by running to the elders with any juicy tidbit they can glean, extrapolate, or even assume from every phone conversation, thing heard 'through the grapevine', or they just "get a feeling" of.
To someone who's been treated well, you guys sound like raving lunatics; bitter over having been caught for whatever serious wrongdoing you refuse to admit. If a JW feels held close, like in a mother hen's protective wings, airing your complaints to them in angry, insistent, accusatory language will just sound like a conspiracy theorist demanding attention.
Spade obviously hasn't had an event occur that forces a recognition of some dark, ugly, sinister side to being a JW. Who knows, maybe she's in a congregation where the elders are actually spiritually mature men who truly love the flock and conscientiously take their position seriously 'as those who will render an account', rather than carte blanche to attack those they personally don't like or an excuse to be the tin-horn tyrant sadists they secretly are.
If things were fair and equitable, we wouldn't need God's Kingdom to "set matters straight". Attacking Spade for her adherence to a group that has obviously been pretty good to her so far will only alienate her and make her feel really uncomfortable to speak of her experience and change of heart, should something terrible happen to her. Then, even though she is very aware of forums and groups like this, she'll feel alone, like victimized JWs did in years past.
Add to that, the people who really did get DFed for blatantly unscriptural behavior, then feign innocence and spin events in their favor (even worse than the Society ever has). Just like nearly everyone you talk to in prison is innocent (from what I hear), everyone in this forum may not be as blameless as they try to sound. The angrier, more unloving, and radical you all sound, the more likely she and others are going to assume the people here are just a bunch of bitter ex-JWs with an axe to grind, looking for anyone who will listen and side with them.
The reason I stopped going to the meetings regularly, is that they made me angry. Talking to JWs at the Hall just made me disappointed with the entire group of what I felt to be ignoramuses, idiots, and brainwashed sycophants. I take a break from the forums and 'apostate' sites often too, for the same reason. Venting is good if it gets it out of your system, but sometimes sites like this are more like stoking a fire and get our anger raging again after it had died down. Christians need to have and demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit and, as I recall, hate, sadness, tension, rage, lashing out, etc. weren't on the list. As much as I believe I belong in God's house (which I feel the Kingdom Hall is), being around the people who have taken it over and hanging out in anti-JW forums sometimes causes me to feel and exhibit unspiritual emotions.
My point is, the ranting and raving and attacking someone who clings to JW teachings is only making ex-JWs fit the description we've all heard from the Society about what type of people 'apostates' are. You're also demonstrating to her that ex-JWs were probably thrown out for good reason, seeing as they don't exhibit very Christian behavior, which is exactly what the JWs use as a scare tactic. You're proving them right and to someone on the fence, that just reinforces the JW propaganda of "whom shall we go away to?", as they play proxy-Christ. You guys really are sounding a lot like the JW caricature of apostates and you're leaving someone who obviously isn't a JW robot (since she's coming to anti-JW sites) with nowhere to go, if and when things go badly for her.
