Daniel, stop looking for help from the invisible God who never talks back and listen to reasonable people who advise you to step back and take a breath. The siezures are the result of the brain not firing right and this will effect the way she thinks in general. She is pinning it on you because someone told her "stress" brings it on. She is stressed because you have stepped off the road she travels. Let her heal. Let her mind heal. Once she does I am sure that she will see the depth of your love for her. If you can avoid a JC, do it. It's not a good time for you either. Put it off, dealing with your wife's illness is the priority. If they DF you while you are trying to look after your wife it will become known how heinous they are. Believe more in yourself, you are not a bad person. Illness strikes the good and the bad and not because of you. Strength and calm thoughts to you Daniel.
I've been outed...
by brotherdan 303 Replies latest jw friends
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sir82
This is far down on your list of priorities at the moment but....
Speaking as someone who sees a lot of himself in what you write....
Get professional counseling. It has made a world of difference in my life. At the very least you'll stop blaming yourself for things that are not your fault.
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brotherdan
The Flock book is specific in stating that ones who have doubts, should be helped. Granted, we're talking about Jehovah's Witnesses who are all about doom, gloom, and shunning any who don't maintain the party line. In this case though, its possible you can show remorse and humility and turn a disfellowshipping into reproof depending on the makeup of your JC.
Misery, I have no remorse. I think they are a disgusting cult that needs to be outlawed. If they pull me into one, I will not pretend. I've pretended for the last 2 years. No more! My tongue will get me df'd and some of them may walk out with a limp that they didn't previously have. They destroyed the only thing that I ever loved....my family. And that hurts me to the core.
I'm a little pissed at you too, misery, that you are allowing yourself to continue to be part of that group. You could step down and still be a "Witness", but for some reaon you are staying inside and being a part of a group that hurts so many people.
I have nothing but love for you misery. But Iwish you would come to your senses.
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brotherdan
The Flock book is specific in stating that ones who have doubts, should be helped. Granted, we're talking about Jehovah's Witnesses who are all about doom, gloom, and shunning any who don't maintain the party line. In this case though, its possible you can show remorse and humility and turn a disfellowshipping into reproof depending on the makeup of your JC.
Misery, I have no remorse. I think they are a disgusting cult that needs to be outlawed. If they pull me into one, I will not pretend. I've pretended for the last 2 years. No more! My tongue will get me df'd and some of them may walk out with a limp that they didn't previously have. They destroyed the only thing that I ever loved....my family. And that hurts me to the core.
I'm a little pissed at you too, misery, that you are allowing yourself to continue to be part of that group. You could step down and still be a "Witness", but for some reaon you are staying inside and being a part of a group that hurts so many people.
I have nothing but love for you misery. But Iwish you would come to your senses.
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I quit!
Like SD7 said you have more important things to do than go to one of their pointless little tribunals. You don't accept their authority anymore so why let them sit in judgement of you. I haven't read a lot of post lately so I'm not sure what exactly what has gone on with you. If you are still trying to get your wife to see that they Watchtower isn't the truth then I think it is time to back off and accept that she isn't ready to leave a may remain in the Jbubs forever. All you can try to get here to see that if she wants how she feels about things respected then she needs to respect your beliefs.
I also believe you need professional help in dealing with this nasty situation that was created not by you but by the Watchower.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers Daniel.
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Cagefighter
Dan,
I understand your anger and frustration. However you have to find a backbone here. While this might be the toughest thing you have dealt with it is not the only tough thing in your life ever. You are a smart guy and you know people have their own beliefs and reasons. You have to respect that, the problem here is that you know her reasons are bullshit because you no longer beleive. If you love your wife look at it from her point of view and realize she still believes and this is very important stuff to her. Take care of your family whatever way you can and put your feelings aside, even if it means making some tough choices.
I won't tell you what to do only what I would do. I would move out, write a letter to the Elders dissassociating myself and be the best Dad I can be. I would move on and live and happy life. Ofcourse that sounds simple and will be tough but I would realize that is how things should end up regardless of my emotions. Even though it doesn't seem possible realize that is because of the programming you have recieved. The organization is like an abusive spouse that beats and says "ya this sucks but you will never make it out there and be happy on your own". The first bad day you have you start believing it because you were trained too. I would not advise against some professional counseling as well.
-Cage
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Cthulhu
Dan,
I am not a frequent poster but I have followed your story - the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly. As another Daniel we know so well wrote, I will leave it to "the reader to use discernment" as to which elements of your story fit where. Anyhow, if you've read any of my posts you know that I have long been aboard the atheist, "how could god cause/allow such suffering," etc, etc, ad nauseum. Where I stand right now...I will say that the pendelum my be swinging, which is why I'm going to share something that has helped me in times past. Actually, there are a couple of things. When my confidence in the god of the Bible was stronger I often leaned heavily on the scripture in Corinthians that says that god won't allow you to be tempted beyond the things that you can bear. This was always helpful because I figured if god was in control he would allow only that which I could handle to come my way. Reasoning dictated then that whatever I was facing at the present must have been deemed handleable.
I also have been in situations that have tried my faith and, to a large degree it has been lost, so I will share with you something else that has given me help in times where faith was simply not with me. It was passed along to me by a math professor and it is about the only thing I can recall clearly from my time in that particular class. He was a Buddhist and he told of a time he went to Tibet where a monk told asked him two questions: If your problems have a solution why worry? If you problems have no solution why worry? Life, god, the universe, etc not only may but WILL throw things in all of our paths that may seem unscalable. Sometimes without the help of others, they most certainly would be. But I will finish with a final thought. Randy Pausch, a Professor with a beloved wife and family became famous for having been diagnosed with a particularly nasty form of cancer. He had the pleasure of knowing that he was going to die and was able to make arrangements ahead of time. He wrote a book entitled The Last Lecture and in it he said something along the lines of what I am about to say. Randy, may my paraphrasing do you justice. He said that the brick walls we encounter on our road of life are there for a reason and that reason is that we may demonstrate how much we want something or how much something means to us. He also stressed balance, like all of the great thinkers, philosophers, and teachers.
Dan, I hope that things begin to look up. Sometimes conclusions, as unpleasant and terrible as they may be at the time, are the beginnings of new chapters in the story that is life.
Cthulhu
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Hiding Questioner
"You guys don't realize how in love I am with my wife. She is my everything. And this religion shit all over it."
Isn't it amazing what this religion can put us through. I too loved my ex wife very much and had to sit back and watch as family, friends and the WT tore it to shreds only to blame me through lies and slander. It felt like shit and the pain was unbearable. Yes, just when we need help, sympathy, understanding, a listening ear and hugs we get shunning, unfounded accusations, guilt, isolation and loneliness.
As others have said, hang in there. I quickly learned that, to take all the blame and torture yourself with guilt, is to let the WT "win" and I refused to let that happen. Unlike me (my hell was 15 years ago before life-saving forums like this existed) you now have us and our collective wisdom and experiences to draw on.
Unlike the JWs, we're here for you.
HQ
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sd-7
You need to get away from anything Watchtower-related, right now. Your hatred is boiling over and it's best to not have dealings with them. What you said makes me think you're considering harming yourself or even someone else. This isn't worth that. It feels that way to you, I know. I understand what that feels like. I definitely, 100% understand what that feels like. But you can find a better place. You just need the time to do so. If you snap and hurt someone, you're cutting yourself from what could be a much brighter future. Dude, it's all a circus, somebody's bad, twisted joke. You need to take some serious steps back RIGHT NOW and call somebody you can trust.
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jay88
You made my eyes water, man! You have tremendous resolve, you will get through this.