Heresy of the Month

by thinker 87 Replies latest watchtower bible

larc

Flock,
Brother thinker points out another deep spiritual truth, that the faithful will lose weight even as they sleep. Thus, I am pleased to announce a new, companion magazine to The Leaning Tower. It willed be called, Asleep! On the masthead it will say "Sleeping Your Way to Thinness" Some of the exciting articles to look forward to are these:
Those Sleeping In Death Will Awake to Thinness.
When Armageddon Comes: Go To Bed And Take a Nap.
Don't Be Sacrificed Like The Fatted
Calf.
U.S.: A Fat Nation And A Sign Of The Times.
For The Nature Lovers: How Parrots Stay Thin.
For The Sports Fans: Why Track Stars Are Blessed And Summo Wrestlers Are Not.
Please subscribe today! Operators are standing by to take your order.
thinker

The Leaning Tower Issue 2 02/01
The Leaning Tower Bath and Shower Society recognizes that there are many "worldly" authors who have a great deal of wisdom to share. That being the case, we present a parable from one of our favorites. Enjoy.
"Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom." The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!" But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks. Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstram, to whom he was a stranger, cried,"See a miracle.! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!" And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure." But they cried the more, "Saviour!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Saviour."
from "Illusions" by Richard Bach
thinker

Brothers & Sisters of the flocks & herds,
I write to you today with important news concerning false teachings. There is a religion( I think you all will know of the one I speak of )that places great emphasis on numbers. They spend a great deal of time and effort compiling statistics about their followers. They place great importance on the numbers 607, 1914, 144000, 70 yrs. etc... They go to great lengths to explain these numbers, yet they offer no explanation for their most important number. You see, it requires a 2/3 majority of the supreme council of this religion to approve a change in doctrine or teaching or any other major decision. So clearly this number (2/3) is a most powerful and important number. Would such a number be picked at random, or simply made up? I think not!
Now, at first glance; the number 2/3 seems quite innocent. Then why not let all the followers know about this number?( many are still unaware). Why not explain it? I believe I've found the answer.Hidden within this number is ANOTHER SECRET number - a decimal number. We've all learned that any fraction can be expressed as a decimal by dividing the top number by the bottom number. Do it now, brothers& sisters; grab your calculators and divide 2 by 3 and you will discover the secret source of all dicisions of this religion. The truth has been revealed! Clear it now, before it's burned into your screen!
Heed this warning, brothers & sisters and keep searching for the truth.
thinker
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.
larc

Brother Thinker,
You have made some wonderful contributions to our understanding. You found the man who could caste out the fat demons. You brought us brother Bach and his inspired "Illusions". You also saw the evil numbers of the GB 2/3rd's. (666 if the rest of you didn't get it) Truly, truly, and verily, verily you have brought us closer to that perfect day.
We have one problem, brother Thinker, we called ourselves the Heresy of the Month and the Month is almost over. I think we are going to have to redefine what a month is, otherwise it's curtains for us. RedHorseWoman is right behind us wanting to start her Goddess of the month heresy. (Actually, I wouldn't mind worshiping her even if she wasn't thin.) She is all excited about this thing, because next month is her birthday. Maybe, we could ask her to wait til a year from February. After all, we haven't sold all of our Leaning Tower and Asleep magazines yet. Plus, there are several other subjects I wanted to see in our second issue of the magazines, such as:
Are Orgies Scriptural?
Should JWs deliver the mail to save tax dollars?
Why Bill Gates Last Hair Cut Fullfills Bible Prophecy.
Why The Word Beaver Should Never Be Used Outside Of A Wilderness Area.
Is It Scriptural To Exchange Gun Fire With Your Next Door Neighbor?
Will Celebrating The Memorial Turn You Into An Alchoholic?
Shoud You Go Out In Service After Midnight?
Why Both Peace And War Are The Sign Of The End.
If Someone Is So Fat That They Have Their Own Zip Code, Should They Be Disfellowshipped?
Well, when RedHorseWoman sees all the fine articles we have in mind, I think she will give our Heresy a stay of execution. That's the kind of Goddess she is.
I have some sad news to announce. Brother Henry died of starvation last week. He was a true pioneer in the thinness Heresy, and I know that he will go on to a better place.
Brother Thinker, I appologize for not giving my all lately. I was filled with overwhelming guilt. I hate admit this in front of the whole congregation, but well....I ate a cookie.

Heresy of the Month

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