Greetings, dear El... and peace to you! I apologize for my verbosity (out of the heart's abundance...); however, I am glad that my many words resounded with you this time! Again, peace to you!
Dear, dear Awen... the greatest of love and peace to you! You DO know how to love our Lord the way he "deserves", dear one. EVERYONE does: the same way YOU/THEY wish to BE loved. And how is that? Without being judged. As YOU wish to BE loved... without being judged. Being given the benefit of the doubt. As YOU wish to BE given the benefit of the doubt. In spite of what others may think. As you wish to BE loved... in spite of what others may think of YOU. With loyalty. As you wish to BE loved in loyalty. And... in faith. Faith that he WILL do as he promised. As you wish others to have faith in what YOU promise. All... just as YOU "wish men to do to YOU." Yes, it really IS that easy.
Lordy, my brother, we live in a world... and society... so RIFE with suspicion! Folks always talking about how "free" they are - yet, living in so much FEAR: of being lied to, misled, taken advantage of, tricked, ripped-off, abused, etc. All things that MAN does to his fellowman. But that is NOT the way of the Most Holy One of Israel... nor the way of His Son.
Unfortunately, man has been lied to, abused, misled, taken advantage of, robbed, ripped off, tricked... and told utterly FALSE things about the Most Holy One of Israel AND Christ... that trust... and thus FAITH... is hard to come by. Like many others, you question not only the existence of God and Christ... but your faith... BECAUSE of the lies, misleadings, abuse, trickery, etc., of those claiming to "know" God and Christ. But... they do NOT. If they did, they would have told you the TRUTH: that it is NOT a rose garden... but a TORTURE tree/pole! That more people are going to HATE you... than love you! Which is what Christ is recorded to have SAID. And in that case, you would UNDERSTAND what occurs from time to time... and why.
Instead, folks have told you to expect "blessings" NOW... such blessings being in the way of greatness, prosperity, possessions, acclimation, recognition, acceptance, even reverence... now. That is a LIE. Those who have TRULY have faith in Christ... who TRULY know him... KNOW... that belonging to him means being a LEAST one in this world... and often all that comes with that. Our own Lord had nowhere to lay HIS head. He was riddled with disease... despised by MANY... even betrayed by his own "brother", someone he grew up with and loved. Someone who KNEW him.
When we AGREE... by CHOOSING... to take up OUR "torture" tree/pole... we are AGREEING/CHOOSING... to undergo much of what HE did. Maybe not exactly, but have our FLESH "tested"... to the same degree! I get it that you may not love our Lord the way he "deserves." That you DON'T. But I don't believe that you CAN'T. IF you can't... it is because that is what you are CHOOSING: to give in... and give up.
Our Lord does not expect perfection from you, dear one. Not at ALL. He KNOWS that you can't measure up "perfectly." He KNOWS this! That is why he gave HIS life: so that you don't HAVE to... when you CAN'T. HE... makes up our deficit! He didn't come to call righteous people; he came to call SINNERS. Righteous people... can save themselves! HE... is for the UNRIGHTEOUS, those who CAN'T do/be perfect... on their own! Which is... everyone (though not everyone will admit this!).
He knows your sins... your weaknesses... your errors... your shortcomings. And BECAUSE he knows... he gave HIS life... to COVER those sins, weaknesses, errors, and shortcomings. HIS blood... cleanses you from such things... because YOUR blood cannot. So... he gave his. And ANYONE who wishes to take advantage of this GIFT... can DO so! Even you.
IF, however, you are so ANGRY... at your particular "lot" in life... you may not be able to see your way clear TO take advantage of that gift. But I have to admit that I have to work on my sympathy for those who live in, say, our country... who get mad at and turn away from God simply because their life "sucks" (to THEM). Because the WORSE day in the western world... is almost ALWAYS better than the BEST day... in the third world, etc.
Here, we get all upset because we don't have a big house, or new/running car, or fancy furniture, or our kids can't go the best schools. Or our spouse/significant other doesn't love us anymore/is cheating on us/chooses a religion over us. We get all upset because our kids/spouse don't listen to us, we're not "appreciated" at work, or "used" in the congregation. We get all upset because we have to work 8 or more hours a day, food is expensive, and gas is off the charts.
Yet, in some places on this planet... people don't have a house. They have huts, if that. They not only don't have a running car... they don't have running WATER. Or the water is shared with livestock. Their kids don't go to school, let alone the BEST schools. They are subject to tyrannical spouses... if such spouse hasn't died from AIDS, hepatitis, malaria, dissentery, yellow fever, TB... or war. They are forced to believe one religion... or NO religion. Their spouses not only beat them, but can kill them... as can their male child(ren). Work? They own a goat and a chicken. Or they must work 20 hours days... in order to produce oil, gold, diamonds... or something else that we in the western world "must" have... but they are risking their lives to provide. Food may be expensive here... but there IS food. And who needs gas... when one can only walk... miles and miles.
I would ask you, then... indeed, IMPLORE you... to put it in proper perspective! You're angry at God (and Christ)... for what? Because you have "problems"? Who doesn't? Who said following Christ would free you from problems??? Certainly not Christ. Rather, HE said following him would BRING you problems. BIG problems. GREAT problems.
So it really boils down to whether one is truly WILLING to take HIS yoke... and carry HIS load... which is dependent upon carrying a TORTURE tree/pole. If one isn't willing... or simply cannot... no problem: one is not judged adversely. It is when one says they WILL... but then does NOT... that a problem arises.
What one VOWS to the Most Holy One of Israel, JAH of Armies... one should endeavor to PAY. Because HE does not force ANYONE to make such a vow; He only promises what the reward will be, through Christ, for doing so. EVERYONE is free, however, to make their OWN choice... as to what THEY will... or will not... do. NO ONE... can make it for YOU... nor can YOU make if for anyone else.
I hope this helps and, again, the greatest of love and peace to you!
YOUR servant... and a slave of Christ,
SA