Self Esteem

by larc 86 Replies latest jw friends

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  larc

  Self Esteem

  Now I have seen people write about the fact that they have low self esteem, as an xJW. Now, this not unique. I hear it all around me as part of the American culture. My question is why??? Why do you have low self esteem? Is it because your daddy told you that you where no damned good? Well, you are a grown up now, so why are you still buying his bull shit? Is it because you made mistakes in life, is that what made you a no good worthless piece of shit? Well, so what we have all messed up. The fact is, your self worth should not come from what other people tell you, or your failures. Self worth comes from within and what you tell yourself. So stop telling yourself you are worthless. Love yourself. Why? Just because it is the right thing to do.
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  Seeker

  What you say is true. Alas, were it so simple!

  Yes, self-esteem problems stem from childhood. The really serious ones do, anyway. An adult becoming a JW could develop self-esteem issues, but the really deep feelings come from childhood. And though it can help to be aware of the sources of this trauma, and telling yourself a mantra about your self worth can help, those who suffer deeply from this issue need therapy.

  The subsconsious mind works on us so thoroughly and so deceptively, we hardly realize why we act the way we do.
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  larc

  Seeker,

  I agree that these feelings can run deep. For some people they need therapy to work it through. No question about it. However, the goal of therapy is for you to get over it and move on. I come from the "cut it out" theory of Psychology. Stop thinking about how awful it was, love yourself, and move on. It ain't easy to do, but that is what you have to do, if you want happiness in your life.
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  Celtic

  The fact is, it is absolutely so simple, its just 'us' that usually complicates the process. If you know where to look, right underneath your nose, you will find the answers not just there, but in all sorts of other 'mysterious' obvious places. Its just about learning to know from whence to source appropriately such answers. Of course it means work, but who said this work couldn't be enjoyable too?

  I agree wholeheartedly Larc, nice post, like it.

  Peace

  Mark
  [email protected]
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  wonderwoman77

  The problem comes from once you told things some many times you believe, espeically a child that hears things from the people who are most important to them, their parents. Well the child will incorporate those thoughts into his or her head, later these thoughts come out in negative self-talk which I believe is on of the major factors of self esteem. When you tear yourself down with negative self-talk, of course you will have low self-esteem, the key is cognitive behavioral treatment, and it does talk a long time to change negative self talk. I know.....I have done it, and I still struggle at times, but it is worth it!
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  mindfield

  During all or most of my high school years, I was jeered at, insulted, called names, you name it. I was... a nerd. It's not easy just ignoring what people above you tell you for 5 years of your life. Especially when most of them tell you "You're ugly!" and mean it.

  My low self-esteem has nothing to do with the JW's. It has to do with high school. Scarred for life? Who knows. At least now some people are telling me I'm not so ugly to look at. That's a change...
• 

  zev

  self esteem.
  i call it my "male ego". well part of it.

  part of my low self esteem comes from my childhood raising in jw's. the abuse i suffered growing up so different from everyone else in high school...the name calling insults and displays of outright abuse i would suffer in humiliation before many people, in public, took its toll.

  however this does not compare with the abuse, and the damage my "ego" suffered as an adult. the woman i was married to, was great at trashing me, and putting me down. she had it down to a fine art. not only did she do it with words, she did it with her actions.

  my recovery is gona be slow and tedious at best. but already after a couple months, i feel better about myself and who i am. and what i am. i can live with myself. i like myself.

  and people around you DO have an effect on you. either way, positive or negative, they can and do.

  Self worth comes from within and what you tell yourself. So stop telling yourself you are worthless. Love yourself.

  thats good advise. unfortunately what others say, especially those close to you, can help or hurt everything you do. sometimes their words cut like a razor, and destroy everything you build up. and then theres those who smooth the hurt and help you build back what you lost.

  ulitimately, its up to yourself. but surrounding yourself with people who damage you, is not the way.

  you have to have people in your life who love, and care about you.

  those people...are priceless, and few.

  -Zev
  Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
  ** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **
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  larc

  Zev,

  It is true that people effect us. However, we have a choice as to the degree of that effect. Now, if someone said you had purple hair, you would look at them like they were nuts. If someone tells you, you are no damned good why should you believe that, just because they said it?

  If we are in a situation we don't like, we have four choices. 1. Can we change it. Can we have a heart to heart talk with a person and convince them that their negative comments are contraproductive. 2. Can we get out of a situation. In my case, I don't associate with negative people. 3. If we can't change the situation or get out of it, then we just have to put up with. It's too damed bad, but that's the way it is. There is no point spending time ruminating and getting onseself up set about it. 4. If you can't change, can't get out of it, or learn to cope with it, then you have a final choice - be miserable and let it ruin your life.
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  Julie

  Low-self esteem, if identified by the person suffering from it, is highly curable. What you seem to not realize, Larc, is how many have it so bad (usually when this bad, accompanied by other psychological problems) they don't even realize it. It's like telling the guy who lives in a hovel with nothing to his name that he is a failure or unsuccessful and having him say "No, I've got a place to sleep and enough whiskey in the freezer and a bag of pot, I'm doing great!". They cannot see that NO they are not doing great. They only know they have enough whatever to keep numb another day. They ask for nothing more and truly believe this is what they deserve and convince themselves of their contentment. Know why Larc? Cause they were so severly screwed up in childhood they cannot SEE as adults.

  (If you are interested in some details of case study feel free to e-mail me for some serious FIRSTHAND information)

  You said:
  1. Can we change it. Can we have a heart to heart talk with a person and convince them that their negative comments are contraproductive. 2. Can we get out of a situation. In my case, I don't associate with negative people. 3. If we can't change the situation or get out of it, then we just have to put up with. It's too damed bad, but that's the way it is. There is no point spending time ruminating and getting onseself up set about it. 4. If you can't change, can't get out of it, or learn to cope with it, then you have a final choice - be miserable and let it ruin your

  Why don't you present these options to a toddler where it often begins Larc? Tell this to the five year old who is constantly abused physically and told repeatedly he is worthless, stupid, good for nothing, etc. Everyday, all day long. While being hit, slapped and dragged by hair, etc.. See all the options available to these formative, innocent souls. Go tell them to stand up for themselves and refuse to take it anymore and see what they get for their efforts. My thinks you are out of touch my friend as to where it all begins--like in the cradle, not at high school graduation. If you really wanted to help you would be looking at the root of the problem instead of the result.

  I can assure you that it is those who think they have nothing to address that are the sickest among us.

  Julie, who highly recommends some reading up on the formative years and their life-long impact to all who think as Larc does
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  outonalimb

  Larc,
  
  If it is that easy for you Larc, then you are a better man than I.

  mn