Oh my goodness, this was the last of my intentions, to set up a flame war.
Lets get a few things straight.
I was not as such having a go at logical, whatever misinterpretations others come to, that was not my point in the slightest.
OK I don't let on that much about my situation, but I too thought that I was born in the wrong sex, a girl instead of a boy, its a really strange one, I realise that perhaps more than most. On top of that I thought I should have been born a black man but not a black woman, a kind of double wammy.
I realised these feelings at 14, but for obvious reasons could receive no outside help due to being brought up very strictly as a witness. In the end I took myself off to a psychologist and behaviourial psychiatrist, I was that confused about my own identity. To say I would have quite happily blown my head off with a shotgun is an understatement. hardly any of you can understand the internal pain and anguish of these conflicts from a blokes perspective. Sheer agony, words cannot describe the emotions wrought, wrenched apart within.
Some in the congregation today still know and recognise the absolute hell I was going through. Many days still I feel like complete shite, worthless, empty, ....
But the point is this, that the only way to overcome this was to face up to myself more, to understand what was going on and then gently at first to do something about it.
Many days still, though I hardly ever let this on, I feel like complete crap, but I know others need the help more than I, so rather than giving out any hint of my internal agony, I try to remain positive for others sake. I hope Logical learns from this experience too.
Logical I love to bits. There be something about s/he that I respect massively and if anyone picks on her, I'll be right there at the front defending her position. Why? because I can empathise more than most here of how these feelings disentangle yourself from your true self.
But no matter how shite I felt sometimes, it became easier to look at a perspective from someone elses shoes, which enabled me to offer them just a few encouraging words, just one or two, thats all I was asking for, not the full hog straightaway.
Logical, never forget what a very special and unique person you are, at least you know now for certain that lots here really, really do care about you a great deal.
May you find much peace as you go about your business throughout life.
The absolute best to you is my only wish for you.
May you have peace.
Love, lots of it.
Mark
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