You Might be a Jehovah's Witness if . . .

by sizemik 57 Replies latest jw friends

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  sizemik

  YOU MIGHT BE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS IF . . .

  You know when Nisan 14 is but you forget you own birthday.
  
  You wash windows for a living but you own five suits.
  
  Most songs you sing have numbers for titles.

  You think "www" stands for World Wide Work.
  
  All your lapels have badge holes.
  
  You stay in a hotel 200 miles from home, and know all the other guests.
  
  You shave on Saturday mornings.
  
  Every play you've ever seen has actors with fake beards.
  
  You feel guilty if you have three unread magazines.
  
  You're more afraid of the dentist than of speaking in public.
  
  You get up early on January 1st.
  
  You wait till after Thanksgiving to cook a turkey.

  You see people with 2-door cars as selfish.
  
  "Pioneer" doesn't make you think of log cabins.
  
  "Remnant" doesn't remind you of carpet.
  
  "RV" doesn't make you think of a Winnebago.
  
  "Street work" doesn't remind you of road construction.
  
  "Witness" doesn't make you think of court.
  
  "Circuit" never reminds you of electricity.

  Feel free to add . . .
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  lalaa

  YOU MIGHT BE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS IF . . .

  You're a high school drop out without a GED.
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  finally awake

  you are so desparate for sex that you get married at 18
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  Everything you do/purchase revolves around meat-ings and field circus.

  You don't wear red or purple because it's too flashy.

  You don't wear make-up or braid your hair because it's unbecoming of a humble sister.

  You don't ever own anything of value because it would be greed and idolatry.

  You don't get proper medical care, get your teeth fixed or live a healthy lifestyle because Jayhoover will restore it in paradise and now is "not the time".

  You are both lauded and looked down on for remaining single.

  You are treated like trash for doing anything but going to meat-ings and out in field circus.

  The family vacation is going to the convention.

  You secretly get educated, save/earn money, buy life/long term care insurance and plan for the future.
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  biometrics

  ... You're afraid to ask certian questions about your faith.

  You can't attend your sister's wedding

  You acheive high grades in school, but leave at 15 years of age to become a window cleaner

  You think a "Bible Study" means studying books other than the Bible

  You show love to your children by avoiding them, hanging up the phone, never replying to their letters, and not attending their wedding or funeral

  You find yourself keeping mental account of time when speakign to others
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  PaintedToeNail

  You find yourself putting on pantyhose in a campground shower room, because your family can't afford a room for the convention.

  You are the only people at the campground dressed in 'church' clothes.

  You think camping means going to a convention.
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  Found Sheep

  your birthday is not a happy day
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  biometrics

  ... You beleive the bible can only be interpreted by a select few (i.e. not for the common man)

  You have a briefcase full of books worth more than "Gold", and yet you're a window cleaner

  You don't have a pension plan, because you're not going to get old

  You've never really done anything in your life, because of impending doom

  You have secret doubts about your faith, but prefer to keep them to yourself
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  Think About It

  You might be a JW if........you can wipe your ass with one square of toliet paper.

  When people at work suddenly start singing happy birthday and you have to take a shit.....you might be a JW.

  Think About It
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  biometrics

  You feel embarassed if someone sees you with a magazine that doesn't have hilighted portions, and lot's of scribble

  You have more ties than socks.

  You know tie store employees by name

  You have the door shut in your face at least one a month

  You've been told to leave the property, but you werent trespassing

  People look at you through cracks in their curtains

  When people see you coming, they run and hide (hint: you don't look intimidating)

  Your knuckes have a hard spots

  You knock on the door with a musical rythm

  Your car does more miles on Saturday than Mon to Fri combined

  You have never read publications written by Charles Taze Russell, yet know his life story intimately