You Might be a Jehovah's Witness if . . .

by sizemik 57 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  av8orntexas

  You read your bible or watchtowers at work thinking others will take notice and be interested.

  You're stumped or confused as how to respond,or what to say when people say, "Bless You." after you sneeze.

  When you see an actor/musician,or athlete in public, you don't ask for an autograph, but try to offer a magazine or witness to them. In hopes that they will surely give up their current lifestyle for yours.

  You go through life afraid to actually voice your honest opinions/feelings.

  You inadvertently call coworkers or classmates 'brother' or 'sister' when addressing them. Drawing strange looks.........

  You ACTUALLY used the magazines/bible as your main reference when doing a class project.

  You have the NERVE to say how silly the Mormons look. While IN service.
• 

  transhuman68

  ....you think buying a one-way ticket to South America is a good idea....
• 

  PaintedToeNail

  You read the list of ingredients on the pet food bag, hoping it doesn't contain 'animal by-products'.

  You wear skirts to picnics, the beach, or to clean your house, because the magazines show women dressed like that.

  You don't serve alcohol at your wedding, because you don't want to stumble anyone.
• 

  just Ron

  "District" doesn't make you think of politics.
• 

  av8orntexas

  You post pictures from meetings/assemblies and conventions on your Facebook page non-stop. Your status updates consists scriptures,field service updates,or theocratic activities.

  In conversation you make sure you let others know you how long and when you were out in service, along with what you learned reading a particular magazine. In hopes that everyone will know how 'theocratic' a publisher you are.

  You are in awe of 20-something year old boys from Brooklyn with no life skills,tangible future plans,or income when they visit your hall.

  Knowing the above about said young men....you want your daughter to marry one like them.

  You're 25, pioneering,living at home and have never paid your own car insurance yourself.

  You bow your head and close your eyes in prayer while in PUBLIC before eating...........just like the pharisees.

  You really believe the answer to why you may be having life problems is because you need to 'study more'.

  You go to the elders and MS with nearly all your problems, rather than trust yourself to know what to do.
• 

  iclone

  Whenever you have a dinner party you feel compelled to invite a single sister, widow/widower or some other odd ball in the congregation not because you actually give a crap about them but rather you want to be known in the congregation as "hospitable", regardless of how insincere you are!
• 

  Flossycat

  Good one sizemik and all.

  An earth tremor/tidal wave/flood/bushfire hits your house/city, and the first thing that pops into your head is: "Is it Amargeddon? Is the earth opening up wherever there's churches?"
• 

  steve2

  • In the 1950s, you fervently believed the Communist uprisings were the final fulfillement of Daniel's prophecy
  • In the 2000s, you fervently beleive the Islamic uprising is the final fulfillemnt of Daniels's prophecy
  • You hope the new world will come real soon, provided its during a periodic phase when you feel like going to meetings
  • You consider the "deep" things of Scripture start and end with Matthew 24:14
  • You make endless excuses for the Watchtower's numerous errors yet pounce fiercely on the errors made by the churches of Christendom
  • Accuse members of the churches of Christendomof being gullible and at the mercy of their ministers yet swallow hook line and sinker everything you hear from the platform
  • Sing flat and half-heartedly and silently despise the beautiful voices of church choirs
  • Sneer cynically at every bit of positive news in the media and rejoice when you hear of vioence around the world because it proves you're right
  • Expect the worst from wordly people and ignore the mean and joy-sapping spirit engulfing your local kingdom hall
• 

  TTWSYF

  Although being ignorant as to real scholarly research in any theological field you still feel that you know more about the bible and most other religions than people who actually practise their faith
• 

  donny

  You visit The Home Depot and feel a strong urge to knock on the display doors.

  You listen to "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits and treat as a Kingdom Melody.