more wifey issues. she seen my phone and this web site was op (page 6)

unstopableravens

hey feather .you have had alot of change. i agree jesus saves not me, that was my point she needs to put her trust in christ not men or wt. that being said i think some good would come from things cooling down for a while.thanks for your support.

Quirky1

My wifey just called me a worthless piece o'shit.... If that makes you feel any better...

unstopableravens

we need a night out and to get my mind off of all this. so no that dont make me feel better.

jgnat

Here's the thing, unstopableravens. If your goal is truly to help your wife to get out, you have to stop talking about the doctrinal stuff. For now. I've explained this before.

You have to understand that the mind of the cultist is a terrible thing when aroused. But underneath the cultist is the natural woman underneath. As long as the cultist is raging and threatening to call the police on you, you are losing.

Please, please get one of Steve Hassan's books and start practicing the techniques listed there.

I am going to give you an assignment. Copy and complete the form from Steve Hassan's website. You don't have to submit it and you don't have to sign up for counselling. Just answer the questions on a piece of paper. This will require you thinking about your wife's natural person. This is the lady you need to reach.

http://freedomofmind.com/Contact/formFamily.php

Slowly, slowly catchee monkey.

AFTER your wife has woken up, there will be plenty of time to talk about doctrine.

RayPublisher

unstopableravens I am praying for you and truly relate to your plight. Hang in there.

sd-7

Ah. Being caught on JWN, eh? Hey, it beats how I got caught, Verizon didn't log me out of my e-mail for some reason and my wife read my e-mail (which was to a non-JW) and that was it. Three rounds of Borg court later, I was a free man, except for being treated like an industrial-strength door mat by my wife for some time thereafter.

I too have small children, but so far they're not old enough to grasp the issues involved. I'm actually thankful for their innocence. My daughter does note the birthdays or fairies or holidays and asks to change the channel when we're watching TV, but otherwise, nothing else.

I think most folks here would not consider me as the go-to guy for advice, but pretty much no logical reason exists for why my marriage survived that crucible and even got better as a result. So maybe that's worth something. So here's my shot at advice.

Don't fight over the religious issues. Keep your cool as much as possible. Do NOT attack the Society or the numerous JW doctrinal errors. These are all things that will put the walls up. My belief is that a woman will respect you if she sees you are acting as a person of conscience and exercising your freedom to disagree with something you find unacceptable or untrue. If she doesn't, and tries to make trouble, then you stand up to her and fight for your right to believe. She would be hurt if you persecuted her about her beliefs, so she should respect your right to your own. Speak frankly without attacking or name-calling, try hard to keep the emotions out of it.

This is a nightmare scenario for her, I would suppose, so you also need to consider how she feels. If you show her that you are still the same man and are still eager to love and care for her and your children, she will hopefully recognize that her fears were unwarranted. Sometimes earning respect may mean taking the harder road and eating some crap along the way. Lick your wounds, keep learning, keep growing.

Don't let people try to push you towards divorce. They won't have to live with the consequences of that. You will. Consider it as an absolute last resort. A man of honor tries to live up to his word, to his vows, and won't cast them aside without a strongly compelling reason. Not many will understand that, but if you love your wife, you'll wait until the last possible moment before trying to abandon ship.

I might add, as a child who grew up in a 'divided household' (my dad was a non-JW), that your presence in your kids' lives is critical to balancing them out emotionally. (Not saying you would abandon them, of course, just saying that the dynamic would change for them if you left and she got custody or something.) They need to see that people who are not JWs are normal, good people who can still read their Bibles and love God and treat people with decency. You'll be their example, their point of reference when they hear the fear-mongering and black-and-white reasoning at the meetings.

If you've not started reading 'Freedom of Mind' by Steve Hassan, you should. It might be of great help. (I was reading a bit of it to my infant son a few days ago and I noticed there are a lot more references to JWs in there than in his previous works. Nice.)

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Know your limits and look after your emotional needs. This kind of situation can be emotional overload. It's a dangerous time for many people, and you really need to have support, talk to people who can understand, who have been there. I am actually in the same state as you, but much closer to D.C. than you are. Even so, there are a few people in the area who would totally get it, I'm sure some who wouldn't mind meeting you.

If you treat your wife with love and honor, you might be surprised at how it'll change things down the road. It's worth it to at least try.

--sd-7

unstopableravens

jgnat: as always thanks for ur concern, i will do my homework assingment on that link prop tomororw. raypub : thaknks i need all that i can get get but more importantly pray for my family please. i know you have gone throw rough waters to. i will pray for you as well.

unstopableravens

sd 7 : bro i 1000 percent agree i hate the idea of not keeping my family together. and i understand not talking doctrine ,but what should i do when she brings it up?

Black Sheep

Right from when you first realised you've been scammed, you have not taken into account the warning signs the WT gave your wife to identify the Watchtower's enemies. Now, you are not just happy to drag her away from her own church, you want to drag her and her children into Satan's dens with you. Fat chance.

If you don't get clever you are going to lose. Getting rid of the 'unstopable' attitude might be a good place to start. Nobody wants to be bullied into, or out of, anything.

unstopableravens

hey black sheep . i never said im unstopable. im not trying to bully her. hope it dont come across that way. would you rather me pretend the wt is okay? keep in mind i have atoddler who is involved bro.

more wifey issues. she seen my phone and this web site was op

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