ChiChi89, i felt the same when i was df'd. i married the non-jw, but it didnt work out - mostly because the hell the elders, the jws, and my jw family put me through messed me up so badly that i could not build a healthy relationship.
I would suggest for right now - stay close to your boyfriend and build your relationship. dont torture yourself going to meetings. If you want to get reinstated, you can start going back in a few months. The elders actually like that better because it fits with their twisted notion of what df'd people are and makes a show of "going back". Attending every meeting right now will make no difference to them and won't help you get reinstated. It only causes you pain.
You are not a bad person. You have done nothing deserving of the horrible treatment you are receiving.