by LoisLane looking for Superman 63 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Scared, at first. Then sad, then relieved. Then disturbed. Then angry. Then utterly lost.
Now I'm mostly angry and lost and sad, and sometimes scared. I tried shutting out all JW stuff for several days, last week. It doesn't work when you live with one. Right, gotta remember that!
--sd-7
Well it didn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, that's for sure.
Honestly though, I felt liberated and free and also very very angry.
Often I still feel sad and empty about it all.
I love many of the people there.
I miss their friendship (conditional as it may be).
I miss the socializing.
BUT I HATE THE MIND CONTROL AND THE BACK-BITING POWER HUNGRY BASTARDS.
Doc
My initial feeling was betrayal - I likened it to what I imagine finding out that my husband was unfaithful would be. (Glad to say I don't really know the feeling, but I imagine it would be the same)
I then felt sad because I knew that there was really only one decision for me to make and that was to leave the organization and thereby leave the only life I'd known (38 years) and lose the friends I'd made over the years as well.
I sometimes felt regret for not taking advantage of opportunities that were presented to be growing up because I knew they would be frowned on by the congregation, but who in life doesn't have regrets over "what-ifs?"
I never really felt angry, probably because for all the losses that I had, I also had tremendous blessings! My life, in its entirety, is what I would want - I have a loving husband, semi-obedient children (let's be real) and a reasonably happy lifestyle. TODAY, the me that I am, I am happy to be - and I know I am the person I am because of the sum total of ALL of my life's experiences - good and bad!
I think Ray Franz titled his book well "Crisis of Conscience" - that's what I felt I was having initially and having passed the crisis, my conscience is clear with the decision I made.
