Simply..."Emotional Blackmail"
MIL letter to my wife
by AggieNostic 71 Replies latest jw experiences
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Sherilynn
I have faded and in the beginning when they would say come back to Jehovah...I would make it clear that I have not left Jehovah and have full confidence that he will provide for me and my form of spirituality is from my heart and therefore I know its acceptable to him. Of course I dont use Jehovah name anymore unless I am reverse witnessing.
I once told a older member who was telling me how much they missed me that I am focusing on keeping Jehovah's integrity and to worship him how the bible tells us to and that is with LOVE and I will always try to keep INTEGRITY first and formost for our God. That the Bible is full of examples where forgiveness and love are evident (prodigal son) and do not believe what is taught about shunning is bible based but man made and that Proverbs tells us to beware of this. She just stood there with her mouth open and I bid her farewell.
If you do reply use simple scriptures on love and mention that you are living a Godly life so Satan is not who you serve and that in checking the validity of what WT states is not scriptually accurate and that Integrity to God is more important that loyalty to Brooklyn or Peterson. Maybe quote the scripture about checking what is taught is so... That you are so sorry that they chose to not practice what the bible teaches and are disowning their own children but that you will always keep them in your prayers and will always practice LOVE and that your hearts and doors are always open to them should they change their minds or new lights come on at headquarters, well maybe not that last part.
Keep happy and keep the door open and always express love to Them, but dont waste a lot of time trying to remove the scales from their eyes as they are so blinded by the brainwashing but never give up hope that they may see the light someday. Never let them say you are serving Satan just because your butt isnt in a Kingdom Hall....its is how we live our life daily...You might remind them of the Golden Rule.
Best to you and your family
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happytobefree
I would wait to respond...but I really think she is a little hurt that you have stop associating with them. I really see a little hope with her mentioning that the grandson would rather visit a disfellowshipped person, but not her.
And when you do respond do not let her know any of your beliefs regarding the WTBS...continue to show them by how you are living your life. And if your family still believe in God, remind them that you would NEVER leave JEHOVAH. This is something that I always agree with my parents on....I always tell them that I have NOT left JEHOVAH and I appreciate the values they taught me that has contributed to not only mys. And no matter how they feel, God has given me explicit instructions that I must honor my mother and father. That the best way to show God that I love him is to show EVERYONE forgiveness and love. Then I continue to live my LIFE with GREATNESS.
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LostGeneration
Are any "worldlies" at all going to be invited to the 50 year? If so, I'd be tempted to remind them that they will have to explain away why half of the family isn't there, because of their hateful shunning policy.
Agree with the others. No response is the only way to go.
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Yan Bibiyan
The self-righteous, manipulative and cold overtone of the letter begs a question to be asked of them:
What makes them so sure they will celebrate the 50th anniversary? Isn't Armageddon just around the corner...
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JamesThomas
Not responding can be seen as shunning; like begetting like.
MrsJones, said to sit on it awhile. I agree.
And in the mean time I would be pondering on a return letter that centered on the subject of love; and how you are attempting to cultivate an unconditional love for all life.
Here, are, perhaps, a few little seeds to start the process:
Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.
Throughout history humans have been drastically short on love, and have limited it to only close family, friends and tribe. A “love” that is the root cause of all conflict, war and mans inhumanity to man and nature.
Yet, there is a very important dynamics alive in our hearts, the desire to do better and be as genuinely loving, caring and compassionate as we can possibly be to all. In a sense, to be more Christ-like.
Tell her you understand her views. Embrace her, rather than push away or ignore her as insignificant and unimportant (let her do that to you, but in no way return it). Make every word expressed show true caring and love for her. (Note: this has to come from your heart, or it is all BS and lies that will serve no one.)
Make it as clear as you can how, in your eyes, shunning and cutting people off, only adds to the pain, stress and despair that the world is already too full of. Pushing people out of our lives only exposes the limitations of our love and caring....and in no way expresses the genuine love and empathy that wants to come forth from within our deepest heart.
Don't try to convince her of anything. Just make it clear how you feel and desire to improve. If she is open at all. She will see, she will feel an agreement to your words and feeling within her own heart that echoes yours.
Use her language when you can...to help her be open to your message.
Certainly, my heart tells me, that Jehovah's love, the Creator of an infinite universe, must have a love infinitely greater than our own. I use Him, and the beauty he has given us within nature, as a guide.
Or whatever. Speak only your heartfelt words. These are just a crude and feeble example.
Take your time on it. Take this opportunity to become clear in your own heart and mind on what love means to you. Take it to the depths of your soul, and discover.
Be still, and know.
Does this make any sense?
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jgnat
I never feel guilty for failing to respond to manipulation. It's on them, not me.
I take great care in giving random gifts to my manipulative mother, that she can not take credit for. The poor woman thinks people only display affection because she made them do it.
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outsmartthesystem
Dear Mom
I am ashamed to have to be the one to inform you that you are not serving Jehovah. You are serving an organization. Your "loyalty" to God is commensurate with how well you accept any and all dictates, rules, and changes as presented by the "faithful slave". You are told that you cannot have a relationship with God outside of the organization. You are told that you cannot understand the bible without the organization. You are told that you will die soon at Armageddon without the organization. The organization has become your golden calf. We never left Jehovah. Sadly you cannot understand that because the organization IS your Jehovah.
God is not asking too much of me. As Jesus said, his yoke would be kindly and his load light. Harsh doctrines such the arbitrary ban on certain blood products and the disfellowshipping/shunning rule are the opposite of love and are anything but kindly. A forced acceptance (at the risk of being disfellowshipped for not agreeing) all dictates and interpretations.....even ones that have later been proven to be mistaken, is anything BUT a light load to carry. No, God is not asking too much of me. But the organization does.
MS desires to have a relationship with BOTH you as his grandparents AND DB. (No one should be forced to worship in a way that he finds unacceptable or be made to choose between his beliefs and his family." Awake! 2009 July p.29) Why don't you try taking this advice to heart? Or was this advice only intended for those of OTHER religions? Sadly, you are the ones creating the division. You are holding MS captive to YOUR beliefs and ideals. You are making HIM choose between DB and you because of YOUR beliefs. I am not surprised by his decision. I too would choose someone who loves me for who I am over someone whose love for me is purely conditional based on social status within an organization. We do care what you think, but unfortunately with this religion it is your way or the highway. You have decided that strict obedience to the interpretations of Watchtower leadership takes precedence over natural family love.
We are deeply saddened that you would be so bold as to completely disinvite us from your 50th anniversary. Think about what you are doing. What it amounts to is emotional blackmail. IF we cease our association with the family that the Watchtower Society says we shouldn't be associating with and we begin attending meetings again, THEN you will allow us to come. THEN you will shower us with conditional love. Even if we were to grudgingly stop our association with DB and DS and begin coming back to the kingdom hall.....would we be doing it for the right reason......or simply to try to stop the painful shunning and emotional torture that you have instituted? With what you have said as well as the tone of your letter, it is clear that you believe that emotional blackmail is the right thing to do........accepted by God. You have time to change your lives as well. You have time to let the law of LOVE finally outweigh the pharasaical letter of the law.
Whether or not we are "on jehovah's side" is between us and Him. Please re-read Matthew 7:1 and learn how to actually apply it. We long to be a close family again too. But we want it to be based on love. Real love. Not manufactured love whose affection can only be demonstrated in accordance with organizational acceptance.
I am sorry but your words about love are hallow. Love is a feeling.....an emotion. It cannot be demonstrated ASIDE from actions. Words mean nothing. You cannot SAY you love somebody but then treat them as though they are dead. Actions speak much louder than words. There ARE other ways to show somebody that you are not pleased with their decisions. Shunning does not have to be one of them.
I have enclosed a picture of us. Please notice that there are two empty spots on the sofa....waiting to be filled.
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Roberta804
My response, if any at all:
Mom, Dad, please do not call me, write me, or email me, unless you can do it with respect. PERIOD. Obviously she was jeleious that her grandson favored his DF uncle over her.... TOUGH. Get used to it. You and your wife need to stick close together with people like this.
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Think About It
I agree with those who say do not respond. The woman is obviously a self-righteous fanatical JW, and she will accept no answer or reasoning except the one she is looking for. Act like she didn't even send the stoopid letter.....it will drive her insane waiting for your reply.