MIL letter to my wife

by AggieNostic 71 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  redvip2000

  I can be wrong here, but this doesn't look to me like a "We won't talk to you because you don't go to meetings" decision. If i can read between the lines, it seems this is a " We won't talk to you, because you're not giving us enough attention".

  In either case, it's not easy.

  If you still believe in God, why not make it clear that you still love Jehovah, but are fully convinced that the Watchtower society is not God's organization. And why should you be a member of a religion which is not serving Jehovah? This argument completely throws off my mother, when she tries to preach to me.
• 

  Dagney

  I probably would just kill em with kindness. Maybe something like, "Mom, I love you no matter what."

  Can't think ATM. But just one sentence that won't go away.
• 

  Oubliette

  AggieNostic: they don't even see how brainwashed they are.

  Brainwashed people by definition don't know they're being controlled and manipulated.

  That being said, all I can comment on that letter is this: Wow, what a manipulative letter!

  She has certainly learned her controlling tactics well.

  Likely any response will fall on deaf ears.

  However, you might possibly point out that SHE is the once choosing to shun you, not the other way around. SHE is the once forcing the issue. Ask here where she gets off issuing ultimatums!

  Ask her to show you a scripture where Jesus ever shunned anyone, even one person.

  Her threat to not-invite you to their 50th Anniversary is just emotional blackmail. You might want to consider calling her on it.

  Also--assuming you still believe in God--you can truthfully say, "We have NOT left Jehovah." When she points out that you don't attend meetings, ask her, "Is the WTBTS God?" After she says, "No," then you can point out that equating meeting attendance with belief in Jehovah is illogical and erroneous. Tell her you still believe in God. The cognitive dissonance will likely be overwhelming to her.

  Change the subject. Talk about something superficial and pleasant. Ask her where the anniversary party will be ...

  This religion is so messed up.

  Hang in there!
• 

  Paralipomenon

  Dear Mom,

  Thank you for removing me from your 50th Anniversary party. Celebrating wedding anniversaries has pagan roots and brings undue attention to one's self rather then give glory to Jehovah.

  I could not in good conscience attend it.

  I am, however praying for you and hope that you grow spiritually.

  Agape.
• 

  AggieNostic

  Thanks all for the comments and suggestions - we will think on this some more before replying or not - keep the ideas coming!

  Just to clarify: we have not voluntarily stopped association with them, in fact, until they announced that they would stop socializing with us - we would stop by their house, have lunch/dinner with them etc. Our kids have always stopped by to see them when they are in town - both attend college out of state... But in respect to their wishes, we had stopped dropping by...

  Contrast this with my parents - who attend another congregation, they do not shun us and have never said such things. My wife's parents are uber fanatical and attend a very strict and over zealous/self righteous congregation...

  Definitely emotional blackmail, but if you read the last part, it seems my MIL is also slamming my wife for getting her college degree - slaving for riches... the letter jumps around and MIL just keeps piling on the guilt, fear, accusations etc... The way they behave is that they only shun because they dont want Jehovah to kill them - that's the real unspoken reason. They are fearful of doing anything that displeases their god.

  By the way, I am Agnostic... borderline Atheist. Thanks to this cult, any appreciation for spiritual things/god has been damaged and may take some time / if ever to find that part of our lives... My wife doesnt have any beliefs other than knowing that nothing would ever cause her to shun her family.
• 

  zombie dub

  I had a similar letter from my mum - I read it once, and threw it away. Do the same. And don't respond, they don't deserve it.
• 

  moshe

  You know our 50th Anniversary is next year and because of your continued time spent with disfellowshipped individuals you will not be welcomed to one of the most important days of our life when your family should be by your side.

  Send this letter to the local body of elders-- let them know that you will be sending this letter to the media. Someone will be contacting them for an interview to explain why JWs destroy families and why your parents think they are following God's law to not associate with family who has stopped going to the KH meetings.

  JW hate publicity- and they want to lie to the public.

  2nd, I would ask local churches to call on your parents ( at their home) and have them explain why they have been cruel to family and is that the message of love that Jesus wants them to preach?
• 

  Oubliette

  The WTBTS recently made this cutesy little anti-bullying video:

  WT: How to stop a bully ... unless it's the WTBTS

  I suggest you get MIL to watch it!

  Note these points:

  "It [bullying] could also be verbal, teasing and name calling, or even social, excluding people, starting rumors ..."

  So then we're in agreement. Labeling people that leave the WT organization as "disloyal," "mentally-diseased" and calling them "apostates" and shunning them is a form of bullying.

  At least they admit they're bullies. Oh, wait a minute, they don't. It's only bullying when other people do it!

  I liked the advice about avoiding places you might be bullied (2:41"). That is such a great idea. I guess we should all stay away from the Kingdom Halls!

  "Shine a spotlight on their actions" (3:10") by posting TTATT here on JWN.
• 

  time2keepmoving

  This person is getting too much of your energy. JW are energy drainers. That letter = stress and unnecessary drama. Enough already. You and your wife, live your life!

  I agree with wha happened?. Stop feeling like you have to response to your in-laws. This is your life and you don't have to justify to anybody how you choose to live it but God himself. If you feel right about your decision to continue to show love to your disfellowshipped relatives and in your gut you know you are doing the right thing. That's its!! It's just that simple.

  Congrats to your wife for receiving her degree, enjoy your life, because your time is right here, right now! Don't waste a second of it trying to pacify and negotiate with other relatives........ if it's that much work, it's not worth it.

  Be thankful you are no longer subjected to that mind controlled environment. It's not your job to try to justify and clarify your actions in hopes that your in-law will understand your point-of-view and see the organization for what it really is, they made their decision, now you and your wife make your.

  Again, if you and your wife are of one mind, that's all that matter. Let them live their life with the choices they made and you live your. Get that monkey off your back and do not let it distract you or bring stress into your household. Start planning your own anniversary affair with the people that REALLY love you and your wife unconditionally and who don't bring b.s., manipulation and, game playing to your door.

  That letter needs to go in file number 13. No response necessary, actions speak louder than......
• 

  blondie

  No pearls before swine...I never responded, it's like getting sucked into a whirlpool of stupid.