MIL letter to my wife (page 6)

iamwhoiam

I think nugget had the best response. Kill them with kindness and keep the lines of communication open. If they decide to shut it down...you can go to bed knowing its their problem and not yours. They will be the ones wasting mental/emotional energy doing something unnatural (shunning their own children).

AggieNostic

Update:

Shared your comments with my wife and children - we really appreciate your words and possible suggestion scenarios. It is sad that this type of emotional drama goes on for countless others like us. I hope that any of you that are facing similar situations can draw comfort that you are not alone and we have a support system of supportive folks that understand and desire to help us.

Yesterday evening, my wife texted her Mom: "I rec'd your letter and is it safe to assume that you and Dad will not be attending my college graduation ceremony in 2 weeks?"

MIL replied: "Yes, we will be there - we love you and know you worked very hard for your degree. We just want you to return to Jehovah"

Mixed signals to say the least. One day MIL is sending letter that uses fear, guilt, blackmail and then the next replies to text above.

I believe they truly dont want to shun us, but they are afraid that their god will punish them by not following the WT rules. Sad. We most likely will not respond to her letter and just keep doing what we have been - being there for them, love them unconditionally and at the same time - refuse to shun our siblings who are DF'd.

yourmomma

im not the best person to answer this cause i dont play around with this kind of BS anymore. this is what i would write:

"Im sorry to hear of your decision. Our door will always be open to you if you change your mind. I hope your anniversay goes well. If this is the last time you speak to us then we love you, always have, always will. May the rest of your years be well. Good bye."

Then move on with your life.

(i know, thats kind of black and white and harsh, im just done with all JW BS, i got no time for it.)

LisaRose

I think you are following the right course. The sad reality is most dubs feel conflicted, and only shun because they feel they must. Staying as connected as possible is probably the right course. I struggled with this one, and almost cut off contact with my own sister when she went back to the org and started shunning me, I unfriended her on FB, something I now regret. Then I remembered I had once shunned her, so I am trying to keep that in mind. I think the shunning is actually harder on her than on me, so I am just going to keep trying to stay connected. I am planning to just send an email every three months or so, and I am planning a trip near where she lives. I thought I would just stop by with the excuse that I am concerned about her health, which is true. Her husband was never a dub, so I think she will let me come by. I used to worry about forcing something they will feel bad about later, but that is her problem to sort out.

Think About It

Mixed signals to say the least. One day MIL is sending letter that uses fear, guilt, blackmail and then the next replies to text above.

So far you both have played it well. Above all do not get caught up in playing along with thinking you have to give an answer to every remark she wants a comment on. No telling but, she may have got wipped into a frenzy from a latest magazine, assembly or KH talk. Just reply to anything in a normal manner as you seem to do. As far as the 50th anniversay snub threat.....just tell her it is ridiculous to say that, and that all your family will be there.

caliber

Mixed signals to say the least. One day MIL is sending letter that uses fear, guilt, blackmail and then the next replies to text above.

Poor women .. it is her authentic self speaking to you in the text.. it is her cult self in the letter.

Look upon it as some hope shining through rather than hypocrisy.

Yes show her how" natural love "works... awaken her supressed love with kindness and respect.

(She feels a form of rejection by you assuming she will not attend your graduation ... ..the shoe is on the other foot )

Oubliette

Mixed signals to say the least. One day MIL is sending letter that uses fear, guilt, blackmail and then the next replies to text above.

This is a typical technique of abusive, controlling people. Again, your MIL learned this type of behavior from the WT.

Xanthippe

Aggie Nostic, congrats to your wife getting her degree at 48, well done! I got mine at43, it's a fantastic feeling. Just a thought, sometimes they seem to react with this manipulative thing- they shun you, they love you alternately. The net result for us though is that we get disfellowshipped, disassociated over and over again if you understand me.

My siblings have done this to me. They kissed and made a fuss of my nine-year old daughter whom they had never met, at my mother's funeral. My father died shortly after that and again they were ok with us at his funeral. Then they dropped me again after the second funeral, refusing to meet up even for a coffee. When my husband died they came to his funeral and it was all kissy-face again - and then dropped me a few weeks later.

Just be aware that they do this and it is very painful. I have had enough and don't contact them now so I think you might be right not to reply to that letter, these people are so dysfunctional they can tear you apart. Needless to say they didn't come to my graduation, but I hope your wife has a great time at hers.

Gojira_101

I'm truly sorry for what your family is going through. This is the type of guilt trips that the mind-controlled rank and file have.

They ALL think that loyalty to the organization equals loyalty to God. The sad thing is they are actually being loyal to Satan.

All of my family started shunning my parents and I because we were saying we were going to become inactive...we also then had questioned where Jesus was in a picture in a WT that showed the structure of God's organization...Jesus wasn't there. So we all got called apostates and have been shunned.

You can try to reply to your MIL, but the chances of you getting through the mind-control are very small.

There is a life after Watchtower, it's been hard losing my family (it's a small family anyways), but it does get easier every day, because it's really is them. The WT has twisted their minds.

I will be praying for you and your family. Another thing to keep in mind too is they will always use this guilt on you do what they want, or to "help" you go back to Jehovah. So no matter what they use mind-control to get you to stay in line with the general cult mentality of the JW's.

Peace to you and your family.

Gojira

JWB

outsmartthesystem, what a great response. I think you covered things extremely well and identified the contents of the original letter to be tantamount to emotional blackmail. It is so sad that family relationships can be destroyed through the WTS's psychological programming. Unfortunately the mother of the letter, like so many JWs, equates leaving the organization with leaving God.

MIL letter to my wife

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