Got a angry letter from our oldest son today we are very hurt from it. (page 6)

ÁrbolesdeArabia

In JW-Land nobody had the perfect parents even if they were not abusive some kids will find ways to attack their parents because it takes the responsiblity for any of their personal or financial failures and dump's it on their parental figures.

I had more than my fair share of listening to JW kids and parents turn a Shepherding Call into a Family Feud, some of these spiritual events are still gatherings I wish I never attended. When my sister went on the attack against my mother, she had a Top 100 List of how my parents "F'ed Up!" and let them have it! Kids get to a age where they begin to realize "life is short" and find ways to blame parents for their personal issues and do what the Society taught them to do, "kick parents when their feeling down and guilty" and chip away at any chink in your armor of humanity.

It's time to put your son in the "Penalty Box", the more you grovel and beg, the more he is going to walk on your like some old Afghan Rug. Unless you are really in the mood to be abused, take a time out because I can tell you from experience, the more you try to ask for forgiveness and understanding during their period of rage and bitterness you are the only one who is going to get more heart-broken. It's time to take a break and allow him and her time to cool off, even if it takes months or a year. Nothing good ever comes from chasing down people who are angry and do not wish to have a forum of open understanding or allow a third party to hear their grievances!

lost

feeling for you ADD it's hard and it's painful.

thinking of you

Jgnat

gorgia2

TotallyADD

From not being able to talk to my mother about ANYTHING concerning teenage troubles, to running away into a terrible marriage so I could have some 'freedom' - now, in my thirties, I can finally talk to my mother about the cult, and that it is indeed a cult, and that she and my father brought me and my brothers up in a cult. And how she was brought up in a cult.

Its taken about ten years since my mother left to where she can only recently understand it was a cult. I felt such anger toward her and my father a few years ago. About a year ago my mother apologized for bringing me up according to the ridiculous rules of the JDubs. Rules I could never get right as a teenager, and as such caused much distress in our household.

That apology was a profound happening in my life - I will always remember it and it helped my anger enormously. I still feel flashes of it every now and then, but now my mother and I can actually talk. I think she isn't scared now to think, scared to talk, worried who might hear and tattle on her. Your apology to your son was a wonderfully humble act - he just needs time, as much time as it takes.

gorgia x

TotallyADD

Thank you all for your comfort, support and advice. It was all well needed. We knew in the back of our minds this day would come and it has. As many of you said time will only tell the outcome of all of this. Again Thanks. Totally ADD

crmsicl

This thread has been validating for me because our raised in son (since he was 5) and my husband and I are experiencing the same thing. I think there has been really good advice here and we have been applying much of it. Our son did do some venting but not nearly as bad as the letter you received. I knew he needed to do that. We are giving them space. His wife too, I feel, has much control, along with her family. However, she's not really a hostile person and we are hoping for the best. It's going okay, the worst is over.

I hope Totally that things turn around for you too. Give it time. There is some truth too to what the Arabian said.

Scarred for life

I think your response is very good. I understand the feelings of your son. I have very similar feelings toward my own parents. But my parents are both deceased and I never got an apology or an explanation about my JW upbringing. You have made a step toward healing. Now your son has to forgive. Best wishes for your family.

TotallyADD

We will now wait for his reply. I will let you all know what happens. Totally ADD

Oubliette

Good. Don't be surprised if it takes a while, especially considering the attitude of his wife.

Incognito

Although you have already made positive changes in your life, a book that you may find beneficial is: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward .

Here is a link to Amazon but the book maybe available to borrow from your local library. http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

Although it may appear from the title that the book places blame on parents, it actually addresses situations where a person holds bad feelings and places blame on others. The book helps the reader to recognize that a person cannot control how other people act but can only control how they themselves view and react to any given situation.

You may wish to recommend the book to your son who I suspect may gain the most benefit if he will actually read it and take the advice to heart.

edited to add: Sorry about the BOLD text as it won't change to regular text.

crmsicl

sh-h don't tell Simon...but i sent your wife a pm

Got a angry letter from our oldest son today we are very hurt from it.

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