hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so. (page 4)

seasickbumblebee

also, what's with joseph and mary? is there any scriptural basis for the claims above?

You are very confused right now, and probably madly in love with your fiancee. Getting married at this point is probably not a wise decision. It has more to do with you having doubts about the religion, than that you may have had some hanky-panky.

Sort things out first. Be honest with him about your doubts. It would be unfair to him to marry him, if you are not sure you want to remain a JW. He may have doubts too, but maybe not. Honest communication is the most important key to success in any relationship. If it is not meant to be, either because you have differing views on the Watchtower or what you would like from the relationship, then end it now.

I know that you may not do it, because you are in love. Just know that I only wish the best for both you and him.

zed

rebel8

sometimes i feel guilty too because what we did is unclean in god's eyes.

OK. But at some point, guilt itself becomes pointless. Forgiving yourself does not mean you think mistakes are ok to make, or you're not going to try to avoid doing it in the future...but sheesh...to let it ruin a relationship...that's just wack.

If u read the account in the Bible, Joseph took into account Mary's feelings and opinions. They made a decision together on how to handle their engagement in light of Mary's pregnancy.

Consider this too. (Look them up in NWT if you wish. I just found this one handy.)

Galatians 3:28 ESV / 10 helpful votes

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Acts 21:9 ESV / 8 helpful votes

He had four unmarried daughters, who prophesied.

Luke 2:36 ESV / 7 helpful votes

And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years

Romans 16:1-27 ESV / 6 helpful votes

I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a servant of the church at Cenchreae, that you may welcome her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints, and help her in whatever she may need from you, for she has been a patron of many and of myself as well. Greet Prisca and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, who risked their necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks but all the churches of the Gentiles give thanks as well. Greet also the church in their house. Greet my beloved Epaenetus, who was the first convert to Christ in Asia. ...

nugget

If you were not witnesses then nothing you did would have been considered inappropriate between two adults and certainly not unsurprising between an engaged couple. You confessed some of what you did to the elders and they also did not deem it worthy of anything other than a reproof.

You need to talk to your fiancee about what he is thinking at this time. This level of paranoia and guilt is unhealthy in a relationship. After all if you are to be married then you need a level of maturity that neither of you are demonstrating. It is very easy when placed under such scrutiny for love to turn into dislike. It is easy to look at the other person and see in them the cause of your woe. Has the balance of your relationship changed and is it worth calling a halt to proceedings to allow you both to determine whether you want to go ahead.

If he is already convinced that the marriage is doomed then what sort of wedding day will it be? You are adults not children and as adults you take responsibility for your own choices. It will certainly be unlikely to succeed if you constantly involve elders in the intimate side of marriage. A husband needs to know his own mind and be prepared to stand up for you, not throw you under the bus to satisfy his ideas of what is nice and to salve his conscience. You also need to think about your own self worth and self respect, how much humiliation are you prepared to take for this wimp.

I would take time to evaluate whether this can ever work.

Iown Mylife

Nugget,

that is a beautiful summing up of the entire situation

DesirousOfChange

Conviction comes with the idea that you openly confess to GOD and make changes to not make the same mistake again. You are forgiven, strengthened from the experience, and come away with new confidence.

You might review together about King David's sinful acts with Bathsheba. Note that King David did not rush to the priests and confess. No, he specifically says he would make confession TO JEHOVAH...........and that Jehovah would forgive him.

(Psalm 32:5) . . .My sin I finally confessed to you, and my error I did not cover. I said: “I shall make confession over my transgressions to Jehovah.” And you yourself pardoned the error of my sins. . .

That's all you need to do. Your personal relationship is with Jehovah. Not the Body of Elders.

Something you might not know is that if an Elder commits a serious sin, and keeps it a secret for 2 or 3 years, and then confess it to the other Elders, he DOES NOT have to be removed as an Elder. They can all keep this secret. It's in the Elders' Book (Shepherd the Flock).

Paul admits that "fornication" would be prevalent. You didn't do anything "bad". It's what normal people who are in love do with each other. Since you both agree you should be married before being intimate, be cautious that it doesn't happen again before the wedding. Life is easier with a good conscience.

Doc

free2Bme13

The society has interpreted uncleanness to mean what they want it to and in the process make people unsure about where they stand in "God's" eyes. People who are unsure will do more to alleviate their consciences. In Listener's post of the 2006 article it says uncleaness can be greedy. So god has given us a sexual desire but then we're greedy when we act on it? Doesn't make sense.

One of the posters commented on how King David confessed to Jehovah, not a body of men. A judicial committe is the witnesses' equivalent of confessing to a priest. They have no right to know our actions.

Follow the advice of people on this board and investigate any of your doubts about the watchtower before you become more committed to living your life in a way you may not agree with. It's easier to break an engagement than get a divore.

Free

MissConfused

Postpone marriage until you both know what's right to lead a guilt free life...

Daniel1555

Hello,

I understand very good that you are confused.

I am also an "active" witness with doubts. I am married to a over zealous sister who follows anything that the organisation says, even if it is not logic.

Because of her not accepting or respecting my doubts, we have a very difficult marriage at the moment.

I think the most imporant thing for you, is to talk to your future husband about your doubts. I tell, you can not bury your doubts, one time they will come up again. You have to find answers for yourself. By talking to him about this, you will find out, if he really loves you, or if he put "the organisation" first.

And by the way, you have plans to get married soon, so your "heavy petting" is a normal reaction to the love that you are feeling.

I wish you all the best.

Daniel

St George of England

his guilt is eating him alive.

So if he's like that now, what will happen AFTER you are married and you want to try different things in bed? Do not forget the WTS tells you what you can and cannot do even AFTER you are married.

You are heading for one very frustrating marriage with this guy. As so many here have advised, postpone the wedding, learn the truth about JW's and the WTS and then decide.

BTW I have been a JW all my life, since the 1940's in fact!

George

hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so.