hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so.

by seasickbumblebee 80 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  seasickbumblebee

  the last two days have been awful. we met with the elder who's giving the wedding talk and he "warned" us ther's going to be courship conduct question.

  in the mean time i posted a question on members only- adult? and heated debate.

  i am in doubt and confusin when i read the article i mentioned there.

  is there anyone here who wants to honestly read the question and objectively give opinions (no wtbts always confusing etc)? is it possible that they 're changing policies and theres a new light?

  i wanted to paste the article but my blackberry can't do it
• 

  Listener

  I don't know the article that you're referring to but they should be adhering to the principles stated in their shepherding book, although I do recall there was some new light on viewing pornography but they've become less strict in this area, not more.

  I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you are. It would seem that you are really worried that you haven't been specific when you first confessed, is this your issue at the moment or is it something more?

  There is probably no real need for concern. You confessed to the elders something they believed was wrong and of a sexual nature and they counselled you. It only happened once and was clearly not a d/f offence. As elders they need to remind you that you can't do this again and they will be checking up to see if you do or not. It is just a warning.

  It is no good to let this eat you up, this should be one of the happiest times in your life. If you have to, go to one of the elders who was on the JC and tell him you weren't being totally upfront about the description of your activities, you were embarassed and you thought there was no difference between the sin of your breasts being touched and other forms of foreplay (I forgot about that word but it is sufficient to use to describe the incident). Tell him how terrible you both feel and want to just put it from you but something you read made you think that you needed to clarify this. It would be helpful if you brought him a copy of a Watchtower article that lumps these two sins together.

  Be very particular in which elder you choose to speak to, preferably one who is elderly, old fashioned and compassionate. It may be that he is too embarrassed to go into further details and will agree with you and leave it at that. He may also see how this has truelly affected you and your own feelings have been in such a state that you are repentant.
• 

  seasickbumblebee

  listener,

  thank you so much for your reply. thanks for not judging anyone.

  yes, my fiance and lately i feel guilty because we think we're covering important facts.

  i am not sure whether i am going to talk to elders again.

  part of me thinks it's enough, but my fiance does not agree.

  i am very upset because you're right, this should be one of the happiest times in my life yet i've been feeling nothing but sadness.
• 

  jgnat

  I am very sorry that you are feeling guilt and sadness for being naturally attracted to your future husband. Please consider postponing your marriage until your fiancee has total confidence in your future relationship together.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S-dXuT0nFg

  The thought of reminiscing about that night when passion overspilled, to a third party no less, facing their scorn, judgement, questions, and possible reproof, how could you go through that without being deeply hurt?

  Is there a possibility that you will be refused a wedding at the Kingdom Hall?
• 

  Highlander

  Wow. That video was awkward. I cringed when I saw their first kiss.
• 

  sarahsmile

  Do you realize that when two people are engaged that you enter into a verbal contract. Mary and Joseph entered into a contract that would take divorcement and they were engaged. Do you realize that young girls Mary age at 13 would move in with Josephs family prior to marriage? I am sure they probably got pretty close with out sex.

  Now, tell your guy that he has entered into a contract as good as marriage. Marriage is a ceremony to express your commitment toward each other. Just acting like a good JW here. If it bothers his conscience then you both should stop what your doing. He can not have it both ways with you.

  It really sounds like you might be ready for marriage but your fiancee is not. Mature men do not call elders after the facts because they know they are going to marry YOU. However your lover really is taking you down. He wants out and that is his excuse his so call trained conscience is just an excuse. Also, most the JW mess around before marriage they just do not admit it! You need to listen to these folks here and convince your boyfriend to keep the elders out of the bedroom. How will you ever trust him?

  Okay if you want to study more about how JW doctrines, how come your not looking it up on the JW. org library? I just typed in sex before marriage?

  I think you already know the answers of what the JW teach.

  My views are if two people are bound(starting at engagement) and they get carried away with each other it is not a sin let them marry. It becomes fonication when another lust for someone other than the person in this martial contract, engagement.

  Fornication is between two people who are not in a marital contract. Did Mary commit adultry? Why was she accused? How could an engaged girl commit adultry? Would it not be fornication? Mary and Joseph were not married when Mary was pregnant, so it would be fornication? See it is a commitment between two people at the engagement. If you had sex with you betrothed is it fornication? NO! only if you had sex with with him during your boyfriend stage which would make you both fornicators and nk contract. If you had sex with someone else during your engaged stage would it be fornication? No,it is adultry and your not married yet. LOL. Granted you are not married in the legal term but in Gods eyes you both are bound. Bound let no man come between the two. Including elders!

  That should help. Go in peace and just get married without guilt.
• 

  sarahsmile

  .........ere embarassed and you thought there was no difference between the sin of your bpreferably one who is elderly, old fashioned and compassionate. It may be that he is too embarrassed to go into further details and will agree with you and leave it at that. He may also see how this has truelly affected you and your own feelings have been in such a state that you are repentant.

  Hey Lisentener is not right do not talk to any more elders. Elders do not care and are not there to help soothe your conscience! They are their to keep people out and forplay is disfellowshiping! Burden God with your sins! You and your guy need to be strong and wait out the three months. Do not confess anything else out of guilt. These feeling your having are emotions that is ALL! and they will pass and you both will be happy. You look back on all this and laugh about it some day.

  Hope I understand this next part: Did you state that during your wedding ceremony when it comes to your vows that the elder marrying you is go to throw in another question? You wrote: met with the elder who's giving the wedding talk and he "warned" us ther's going to be courship conduct question.

  Wew, no wonder your so stressed out! That is awful and none of his business! What a mess! Does he ask all the people he marries a CONDUCT question? What else will he ask you that you do not know? or is that the problem? He is not trust worthy and that is a question from someone who has wicked suspicions! It is in the bible and he in the wrong. I remember attending a lot of JW weddings and there was never a conduct question. Sorry but you need to ditch that elder and get someone else because that conduct question is wicked looking honest, it is deceptive. Wicked suspicion: the act or an instance of suspecting something wrong without proof or on slight evidence. It does not matter if your innocent or guilty by asking you that question he suspects forplay which he knows every couple does! Sorry to say by their fruits you should know them.

  Wish I could find the scripture for you.

  Take your sins to God because elders do not have the power to forgive.
• 

  tornapart

  I would think carefully about the bible account of Mary and Joseph. Although Mary had done nothing wrong, Joseph believed she had. He believed that she had been with another man. They were only engaged but to protect her he decided to secretly divorce her.

  Once he had been told by God in the dream that he was to marry her, he did just that. However other people would clearly have been able to deduce in time that Mary had become pregnant before they married. Would that have been a problem? No, under the Israelite law if a single, unengaged man and woman had sex with each other then the man was simply to give her parents a dowrie and take her as his wife. Under Israelite law a man and woman who were engaged were as good as married.

  Don't succumb to Watchtower laws. According to the bible, you have done nothing wrong.
• 

  Narcissistic Supply

  Yikes. Why on gods' green earth would you tell a bunch of self serving narcissists about the fun that you had. Holy cow. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Enjoy and cherrish every moment you have together. Don't feel guilty don't feel afraid. My gosh man, live your life. Get away from that stinkin' cult.
• 

  wallsofjericho

  TOPIC 1 - heavy petting

  Matthew 18 is about a spirit of repentance. it says "if you are sorry & repent, then great, but if you are not sorry approach the older ones."

  Your husband is sorry so he is free and clear according to scripture... he didn't even have to tell the elders in the first place.

  TOPIC 2 - getting married with doubts

  WHOA! get this sorted out RIGHT NOW. Figure out what your doubts are and determine if Watchtower is right for you. If it is, great. If it isn't.... you need to tell him square in the face that you cannot marry him without him knowing how you feel.

  My opinion (which means nothing) - put the breaks on a wedding day, figure your stuff out, and let him off gently. He's probably not the one for you.