hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so. (page 5)

steve2

Confessing your sins to a bunch of older men is creepy. If your relationship is with "God" and not with men, it is a no brainer. The sanctity of your intimate relationship with your fiancee is compromised by his juvenile need to confess to those men. Honestly, how is that guilt-driven need to confess to men any different from guilt-driven Catholics who confess their sins to priests? Move on from this play-school religion - assuming responsibility for your choices is a very adult step to take; at present, you're sludgng around in a mud pit of fear, obligation and guilt (f o g). One very promising sign is your deep-seated suspicion that something about the organization is not right - hence you posted on this forum. You would not be the first person to stay in the religion of their upbringing to avoid upsetting parents and others. Perhaps you need some more years inside before this suspicion turns into a burning hot realization. Or you could courageously take the step now. As they say, you choose. Some adults prefer the comfort of the play school, right?

seasickbumblebee

thanks everyone.

what i havent mentioned, my fiance sometimes feels that it's all over, meaning he doesnt need to tell the elders all the details.

however, he still feels the guilt, i think this is what "overly punitive conscience" is.

he keeps on saying "i still respect you and love you but the watchtower says we will lose respect..."

it's confusing me and worse, affecting me.

anyone here has similar experience?

does intimacy even sex before marriage ruin it all?

thanks

crmsicl

don't do it. my gut says don't marry him. Postpone the date, wait awhile. You'll see and it will be easy to let it go. You'll be glad.

Iown Mylife

Hi again Seasick little Bumblebee!

i hope sincerely you will pay attention to those clues you keep providing in those quotes from your fiance: "I still respect you and love you BUT..."

When someone says BUT like that, they are negating or invalidating everything they said BEFORE the But.

This is showing weakness of character - just my opinion, he is saying things that he HOPES will cause you to break up with him. I think he wants to cancel the wedding but he's too scared of the emotional confrontation it would cause. So he is trying to manipulate YOU into breaking up with him and cancelling the wedding.

It's possible that if you don't break up with him pretty soon, he will call off the wedding, maybe. It would be the best thing to delay or cancel this wedding, unless you think you really will be happy with such a wishy-washy kid who needs approval from authority figures SO MUCH that he makes his own private life public and his fiance's private life public too.

This religion is a cult. Normal people in normal life do not consider their physical lovemaking to be anybody else's business but their own. A real adult would never be involved in this silly back and forth uncertainty.

bsmart

You sound very young.. Are you in your teens or older?

Take your time, Armageddon is NOT around the corner.

zeb

jgnat: you have said it for me.

Highlander

Get out now while the colateral damage is minimal. If you're having these doubts now, you'll have them after marriage too. Children could be involved at a later time, when you finally realize the mistake you are making.

I made these same mistakes. 7 years ago, I was physically involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses, but mentally, I was on the way out. Despite that, I continued dating and eventually married a witness.

It was a disaster. By the time I finally got my head out of my ass and decided to leave, I had gotten her pregnant. I'm still married to her, so that I can be there for my daughter. Divorce will eventually happen when the time is right. I just can't afford two households at the moment.

You give me the impression that you are probably young and immature. In addition, your fiance needs to grow a pair of balls and tell the elders to back off. They have no business being involved in your relationship. Your religion has no business being involved in your relationship.

Listener

"does intimacy even sex before marriage ruin it all?"

As a general question, the answer is no, unless you want to listen to what the Watchtower has to say about it then the answer is likely to be yes.

The Awake states this 71 5/8

Petting often leads to a lack of respect for each other, guilty consciences, venereal disease and unwanted pregnancies.

It doesn't matter what we say because your fiance has already stated that the Watchtower states you will lose respect for each other. Because he believes what is told to him in the Watchtower, this is very likely to happen. He will feel there is something wrong with him and he is not feeling guilty enough if it does not happen.

scary21

The bible says that love covers a multitude of sins, I guess that is why I never felt guilty having sex with my husband before I married him. I married him in my heart before we got the piece of paper.Still in love after 25 years of marriage. Only in JW land does this have to ruin a relationship. Just like being baptized.... first you make the dedication and then you symbolize it by being dunked.

Guilt and fear, guilt and fear, a big reason a lot of JW marriages do not last. They forget....... LOVE NEVER FAILS !

Sherry

ballistic

It's quite unusual in this situation, to go to the elders and confess what you did without them specifically asking you further details to find out how far it went.

It seems to me that you and your boy friend are more than happy to lie to elders as well as comit fornication. I can't really see anyway you can now continue in the organisation as a married couple.

Many people on this forum including myself were disfellowshipped for exactly what has happened to you.

If either of you still believe the so-called "truth" where does that leave you?

Aside from all the religion stuff, it seems to me that the dynamics of the situation were that you are the one having doubts about the religion, but the guy, he's still in but just "couldn't help himself". I can't see this being any good foundation for a marriage WHAT-SO-EVER. (Mark 4:1-20)

hello. pls help. getting married soon. afraid i won't be happy because wtbts said so.

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