If you don't believe in God where do you get the strength to cope?

by Miss.Fit 151 Replies latest jw friends

  • Miss.Fit
    Miss.Fit

    Perfect 1: how? Within what?

    Im working on Nicks perspective: minimize harm...maximize loved ones happines.

    But the accepting myself for the person I am part...hard..im not sure if I even like the person I am. I feel like a shell. How can you get strength from a shell?

    Ididn't mean this to be a poor me thread. I never considered before that there might not be a god. This board had introduced me to rational intelligent people who dont believe in god.

    Im curious as to how they build their strength and what gives them purpose. Do we still have spirituality without god?

  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    Missy,

    I am glad to heard you went to the doctors. Most of the time the meds do work but they take about 2 weeks to build up. If you find they aren't working let you dr know and he can adjust them to a higher dosage or to different meds, they only know if they are working by your report. Other medicines you can take blood tests or your blood pressure and you will know they work but this you can't tell through testing.

    if you choose a therapist and you are not happy make sure you try another one. Not all of them are good and some you may not click with and that is so important. There are good ones out there that will work hard to help you through this. The best combination to getting through depression is medicine and therapy together. You need to sort out why you got involved and all off the other issues that come with a cult. They can be a real life saver.

    Stay with your job until you level out. You may regret it if once you get the drugs working you realize that was a mistake. Don't make any huge life changes for awhile.

    Keep us posted. You also might want to try meditation because it clears your mind. You are just about 7 years younger than I am and I understand starting over in your fifties, it is difficult but also exciting. We are always there for you. I thought about one of your original questions about where you draw strength from and I get it from inside me. I research or do some thinking on that line then reason it through. When you come up with the decision it is very comforting. I don't find the need to pray to an invisible god.

    keep us up to date and we are always here for you.

    Aunt Fancy

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    We all have the inherent ability within ourselves to copy with a certain amount of adversities, but not with an infinite amount.

    The strength to cope with physical and mental stress is different for every person, just as the physical and intellectual strength we are born with varies from person to person.

    There are scientific studies that show the human body and the human nervous system (brain) has a finite amount of stress that it can cope with and then it will break down and not be able to fully recover or it will even die. There is some evidence that there is a lifetime saturation point for physical and emotional stress before breakdown occurs and individuals who are traumatized early and often will often reach that point much earlier in life than others.

    So, there is a bit of "survival of the fittest" in humans. We either learn to cope and adapt to stress, or we get sick and die.

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos
    If you don't believe in God where do you get the strength to cope?

    I actually would take exception to the question itself, Miss.Fit. There's no need to "get" strength from anywhere. All living things that are healthy want to continue living; their "strength" is in their continued biochemical reactions that constitute their life processes. Only when an organism is heavily damaged does it want to end its suffering. But as long as you live healthily, you will naturally feel strength within yourself, and want to live; the exception to this is if you are indeed suffering from a chemical imbalance. You might need meds for that temporarily, but a lot of people are able to go off meds once they find out what's harming them mentally or physically. Obviously if you're not getting enough sleep, that's going to sabotage everything in your life. Eating right, obviously... exercising is a must because our bodies are supposed to be active throughout the day. It could be that you're simply not putting your own mental and physical health high enough on your list of priorities. When was your last vacation, your last do-nothing day?

    One big thing that separates humans from other animals is that, because we can contemplate the future, we can envision our own deaths, and this can be a heavy thing to deal with, to be aware of our own mortality. There are lots of ways you can deal with this. There are many people who do not believe in an afterlife and yet are unafraid of dying. Personally, I view myself as part of a continuum of life. I'll accomplish what I can with whatever time is allotted for me, and then I'll pass my resources back to the planet to be used again in some other life. We're already made up of many people who died before us. I don't place a lot of emphasis on myself, but then again, my philosophy is not for everyone as it requires solitude and detachedness.

    Many secular-minded people simply focus on their loved ones, as some have indicated in this thread. They make themselves about the other person or persons, and this brings them inner contentment (this seems to be more natural for women than men). Some who don't believe in God still believe in some sort of cosmic force like karma or reincarnation which gives them some peace of mind because they can believe in a universal sort of justice. Some people may not believe in anything supernatural, but they set aside time each day to meditate. Meditating can give you the same benefits as praying (since, if God is not listening to our prayers, what is prayer but simply meditation on what we need and what we are trying to do better at?).

    But, in my non-professional opinion, you're mainly just feeling temporarily shocked at the change in your beliefs, and possibly you are over-extending yourself on behalf of others or going too hard on yourself physically. Keep in mind -- no matter what you believe, life goes on. Our inner beliefs can't change the direction of a single falling leaf or cause a single ripple in a puddle. If you've made it this far believing there's a God when really there isn't one, then that simply means you made it this far entirely on your own strength and with the support of other people! Thus, there's no reason to be too worried about having "the right beliefs". Life is about enduring, finding a purpose to work at, and hopefully having some fun along the way.

  • LisaRose
    LisaRose
    You ars absolutely right about burying your emotions. So writing down your thoughts helps you get in touch with your emotions? Maybe part of the problem is that I am not allowing myself to acknowledge the anger and hurt.

    Yes, journaling is very good to get in touch with your emotions. Julia Cameron in her book "The Artists Way" recommends that you sit down every day and write three pages. No editing, just write what ever pops in your head. You can throw it away at the end, the purpose is not the end result but the process. She believes it helps unblock the creative process. Buried emotions will not only block creativity, but make you physically and mentally sick. I can't do three pages, one full page does it for me. Meditation helps with this also. In meditation, you learn to deal with thoughts as they come up. You focus on your breathing and if thoughts come up, you make a mental note of it, then dismiss them and refocus on your breathing. It takes a while, but eventually you retrain yourself to feel your feelings, deal with them and move on.

    One thing I forgot to mention is be very carefull if you are given the drug Cymbalta. I had a very bad experience with it. Do your research and really consider it if they suggest it. It has helped some, but it will make irreversible changes in the brain. If you do take it, do not miss a dose, ever. It is also very difficult to get off of. There are some people who have benefited from it, but I would only take it if nothing else works.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Miss.Fit, a lot of what you are feeling is bringing me back to the worst part of my life, over thirty years ago now. I remember the time when I lost myself somehow, an empty shell. I also had to reconcile the disconnect between how I was behaving and how I was feeling. My emotions were all flattened out. Now, I celebrate if I am sad when something sad happens, and happy during happy times. It's a sign of emotional health. I get double bonus points if I tell someone that I am angry (or sad or happy) over what they have done.

    Sometimes I will confess to my hubby my mood, where it is coming from, and why he should not take it personally. It's one of his qualities that I most value, that I can emote unjustifiably and he'll forgive me. My mother was too fragile to allow weakness in others. It's a gift to have good people around us.

    I stay alert for physical signs that all is not well, and track down the source. I figure out what I have to change and then do it.

    I guess I am saying all this to remind you that your depression is temporary and you will find a time again full of life, energy, and meaning.

    You will do a lot more than cope. You will thrive.

    With or without God, life is amazing. It's worth it to do more with it.

  • Miss.Fit
    Miss.Fit

    LisaRose: I will try writing. Thanks for the med. Tip. I will also try meditation.

    Gnat: thank you for sharing. You discribed exactly what I have been going through. That disconnect. I have an understanding husband too.

    I cant believe its been almost a week since my first post. Thank you all for your encouraging words and advice.

    I will be following a lot of the recommendations I received.

    Thanks for being there for me.

    Missy

  • exwhyzee
    exwhyzee
    Miss.Fit: I never realised how easily we wrote people off as worthy to die. We dont stop and think about what we were really saying. That they deserve to die.

    Yes... it's easy to be harsh when you've been led into believing you have all the answers and have it made. It sounds as if your Mom believes some of her own kids won't make it into the "New System" but will instead be sentenced to eternal destruction along with the likes of Adolf Hitler, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson and others simply for not being Baptised JW's. and it all makes sense to her somehow.

    Im curious as to how they build their strength and what gives them purpose. Do we still have spirituality without god?

    I used to pray like we were told to do and throw my burdens on Jehovah and would look for ways to beleive he might be helping me. Only to realize when I looked around at some of the terrible problems even some of his own people were facing, that if he exists, he isn't helping us at this time. Why would he help me with my comparatively small problems yet let 2 devoted Ministerial Servants in our Congretation one after the other, loose their jobs, homes and a short time later, each die of heart ailments leaving 9 children and two wives thrown into poverty and despair? I realized that if God isn't helping us, then I had gotten myself through life thus far by my own strength, know how and sheer determination. My outlook and expectation level changed once I came to grips with the fact that I was on my own and needed to stop with all the magicial thinking. I no longer expected any help from anyone and no longer felt the frustration of not getting any real help other than what I could come up with myself. This has been a very freeing thing. When you get rid of all the superstitious thinking (what if Jehovah is displeased with me....maybe if I do more, he will help me) you can spend your energy on taking steps to resolve your problems and help others with theirs. You always feel better when you are taking action. It's not the Watchtower's idea of being a spiritual person but I'll tell you, it has made a world of difference for me. A week after I decided to stop going to meetings aka. (the weekly funeral/sales meeting/boasting session) the awful anxiety problems I had for almost a decade, vanished....disappeared and haven't returned in the last 4 years. This is how I know I'm on the right course.

  • Tylinbrando
    Tylinbrando

    ^^post of the year^^^

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    Miss . Fit, When crabs, molt, and shed their shell, they are vulnerable, for a while. They seek out a safe place, until their new shell hardens, and they can face their world again.

    You have to realize, that waking up to the fact you have been lied to all of your JW life, is hard to digest. You no longer want to wear their cloak of JW falsehood.

    You will harden in time. You will be well.

    Staying a JW is crazy making.

    Just Lois

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