Do Kids Hate Being JW`s?

by Englishman 95 Replies latest jw friends

larc

Waiting,
I think very bad things can happen in any religion and in any culture. There are good Catholics and their are good JWs. One of my very best friends is a Catholic man who is the same age as my father if my father was still alive. I consider the man to be my adopted step father. I have thought how much better my life would have been if this Catholic man had been my real father. So, goodness or evil is not always a respector of place or religiion. By the way, my father was not a bad man, but Jim the Catholic is one of the finest men I've known, with a disclaimer, at least to me he is.
I do believe, with all that said, that the Witness experience is more difficult for children than the Catholic experience. Your problems where not caused by the Church, but by a father who violated everything that the Church stood for. With Witness children the problems of the Church are a given, and then other problems pile up on the pre-existing problems that are there for all Witness children to endure to begin with.
larc

Waiting,
Let me tell you about my good friend Jim. He has a degree in Mechanical Engineering from MIT. He served in the Air Force in World War II, and worked for General Motors all his life as an engineer. His wife has a teaching degree. They have two daughters. One is in her thirties and has never been marrried. She has advanced degrees and teaches English in Austria. His other daughter is married to a successful businessman and they have two young sons who are the pride of Grandfather Jim's life. The married daughter who lives here in the States, sings at Mass at the Catholic Church in Flint. Jim has asked me to go with him, but I haven't yet, but I will. When I wrote 150 pages of draft material about the JW experience he and his wife both read it and felt great empathy for my situation. Jim treats me like the son he never had. Jim is a very good Catholic.
Where did I get to know Jim? At the local neighborhood bar, where people are treated with respect. If Jim had been your father, your life would have been very different as well.
waiting

hey larc,
I do believe, with all that said, that the Witness experience is more difficult for children than the Catholic experience. Your problems where not caused by the Church, but by a father who violated everything that the Church stood for. With Witness children the problems of the Church are a given, and then other problems pile up on the pre-existing problems that are there for all Witness children to endure to begin with.
I don't have the experience of being raised in the organization, so therefore I can't comment on it. I understand what you're saying about the differences between the two organizations. Differences between parents play a large part too (putting aside my father for the moment). As Englishman stated - his father's perception of his brother changed. I think parents have a large control over the jw experience - but I agree with you on the base problems for jw children.
Btw, my father was an athiest & English. My mother was the Irish Catholic. I went to confession every day for years confessing my "dirty" thoughts. Too bad I didn't realize they were memories drifting through. Then I got into hs, boys, drinking and forgetting, so it didn't matter much if I was going to hell.
It's not easy to fear the pain of hellfire everyday growing up either, as jw's fear Armageddon. But at least Catholics tend to go to Catholic schools and being Irish - will kick anyone elses' butt in a minute.
waiting
RedhorseWoman

Thank you for the compliment, Waiting , it means a lot. I don't know if I can say that I've overcome my childhood at this point. I do know that I learned what is important, and I try to remember that.
I had pioneered right out of High School, and I used to be a VERY serious, very dedicated JW. So dedicated, in fact, that I pushed myself so hard in service that at the age of 22 I found myself in the hospital with my health in shreds. The doctors' were not particularly optimistic about my future. At that point in time, my life became a very valuable commodity to me.
I think that I started to grow at that point. I know that the attitudes shown by my "brothers" and "sisters" when I could no longer serve as a pioneer made me wonder where the "love amongst brothers" had gone.
It was a slow climb up from there, and it's been many years. However, as time goes on I find that there are more wonders in the world than I could have ever imagined. I like life. I like laughter. I hope that sharing experiences as we are here on this board can perhaps help someone else to go a little farther on their own quest.
waiting

hey larc again (using your trick),
If Jim had been your father, your life would have been very different as well.
That is possible true. But the point being, my childhood is mine. If I didn't have it, some other smuck would have been his child. If I were Jim's child - would Jim's child have been born to my father? Would I wish that on another person? No. How cruel to the other child.
Just the luck of the Irish - my childhood is mine, so is my father. But the point is - it's just a part, flavoring the rest, to be sure - but it doesn't dominate my life. Daylilies dominate perhaps, but not my father.
Thanks for the posts.
waiting
RedhorseWoman

The past is the past....you can't change it. Even if it is horrible you can't use it as an excuse to cover up for what you do today. When you come to the realization that, yep I have been wronged(no matter how horribly). Well then it is your responsibility to change the rest of your life.
We all have a history! We all have a future! We all have the choice to change our future. If we don't and decide to blame the past, well you never really get anywhere do you?

I should have included this in my other post...oh, well.
While I do agree with you, Wendy, that we all need to take responsibility for our lives and that we can't "wallow" in our past experiences, I also feel that it is healing, not only to ourselves but also to others, to speak of these experiences.
It helps to validate our lives. In reading of others' experiences, I find that I can relate to many of them, and I realize that my feelings and reactions were normal. That's important. As JWs we were taught what to feel, and how to act, and what our reactions should be to almost every situation. If we felt differently, we (at least I) felt that there was something wrong with us. We were not acting "properly". We must not have Jehovah's spirit.
It's similar to the feeling I had when I spoke about various issues to my therapist and how I reacted, and she told me that my reactions were normal. It was a relief...really...just to know that I was normal. (No comments, please ).
larc

Waiting,
The fact that your father was an atheist has nothing to do with it. He was an evil man. I know an atheist from the same bar that I mentioned. He has wife that's a school teacher. He has two brilliant daughters that he has nurtured to brilliance. He is a project manager for people who want to build a new home. He does everything for them from the the financing, to the blueprints to the hiring of the constuction crew. In short, he makes a point to help people have a better life. He is, by the way, one of the brightest individuals I have ever met, and one of the most honest. Atheism does not make one evil. Evil makes one evil.
larc

Waiting,
I don't think anyone would suggest that someone would replace you if you where Jim's daughter. Where and how we were born is the luck of the draw and you got dealt a bad hand, and you are getting over it, but it did have a whale of an impact on your life. Your father was a rotten no good SOB.
That could happen to a JW, a Catholic, or an Atheist or any other type. It's tragic.
Without detracting from your tragedy, we were talking about a low level, pervasive tragedy that is common to all that grow up in a particular culture.
VeniceIT

Well you know right off I thought, I liked it. If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said I LOVED it. I thought I did! I guess because I thought I was doing what Jehovah wanted of me. We did have a lot of fun, but that's because Mom fought to have fun. Dad was on the Regional Building Committee for 12 years. So we went to all the QB's. It was a blast, I really loved them, and had some wonderful friends. But I realise now it's because I liked them, not because we were all JW's, actually I liked them in spite of the fact :O).
My Dad was the PO and city overseer. There was a lot of pressure on me to be a good example. I went to school with 5-8 JW's, and I had to make all the decisions and handle everything for them. It was exahusting. I sufferd some serious health problems. The doctors and such all said it was due to my emotions. I knew that, and had had a lot of heartache with dad being an Elder and all. You know when someone get's DF'd the whole family takes it out on you. Even some of your best friends.
I had a lot of great friends in High School, but was never allowed to do anything with them, which strained the relationship, like I thought I was better then them. I guess in a way I did, at least I was trained too. I feel so bad now for how I made them feel! It's true what everyone always said, 'but some of the wordly kids are nicer then the kids at the hall'. How we used to frown on that, yet how true it was. There were some I was forced to be around that I hated, and they hated me, and most everyone knew it, but of a mood killer ya know. And yet I couldn't hang out with the kids that would never have turned on me, stabbed me in the back, etc....
And my education was really a waste, hmmm no college for me. Instead I pioneerd for 4 years, could have gradutate by now you know! What a shame. The more I look back, and let myself think, the more I see that was wrong, and it hurts, it's hard to look at you life as a waste, as if there was no point. I know I was doing what I thought was best and that Jehovah will not forget that, but it still leaves you with a, empty feeling I guess.
Sorry for rambling, it's late, I'm tired, wel you get the picture! It makes you wonder what you would have been like, if you'd never been a JW. Who know's it could have been worse I guess, now there's a thought I don't want to persue! Have you seen Chocolat, you have to it's a great movie. It shows, well I wont' tell you that would ruin it, just that it hit home for me and fits into this thread, but that's all I'm gonna say. GO SEE IT!!!!
Well thanks for letting my ramble, not that you really have any control over it and can just scroll down, but I feel better.
Venice
VeniceIT

Well you know right off I thought, I liked it. If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said I LOVED it. I thought I did! I guess because I thought I was doing what Jehovah wanted of me. We did have a lot of fun, but that's because Mom fought to have fun. Dad was on the Regional Building Committee for 12 years. So we went to all the QB's. It was a blast, I really loved them, and had some wonderful friends. But I realise now it's because I liked them, not because we were all JW's, actually I liked them in spite of the fact :O).
My Dad was the PO and city overseer. There was a lot of pressure on me to be a good example. I went to school with 5-8 JW's, and I had to make all the decisions and handle everything for them. It was exahusting. I sufferd some serious health problems. The doctors and such all said it was due to my emotions. I knew that, and had had a lot of heartache with dad being an Elder and all. You know when someone get's DF'd the whole family takes it out on you. Even some of your best friends.
I had a lot of great friends in High School, but was never allowed to do anything with them, which strained the relationship, like I thought I was better then them. I guess in a way I did, at least I was trained too. I feel so bad now for how I made them feel! It's true what everyone always said, 'but some of the wordly kids are nicer then the kids at the hall'. How we used to frown on that, yet how true it was. There were some I was forced to be around that I hated, and they hated me, and most everyone knew it, but of a mood killer ya know. And yet I couldn't hang out with the kids that would never have turned on me, stabbed me in the back, etc....
And my education was really a waste, hmmm no college for me. Instead I pioneerd for 4 years, could have gradutate by now you know! What a shame. The more I look back, and let myself think, the more I see that was wrong, and it hurts, it's hard to look at you life as a waste, as if there was no point. I know I was doing what I thought was best and that Jehovah will not forget that, but it still leaves you with a, empty feeling I guess.
Sorry for rambling, it's late, I'm tired, wel you get the picture! It makes you wonder what you would have been like, if you'd never been a JW. Who know's it could have been worse I guess, now there's a thought I don't want to persue! Have you seen Chocolat, you have to it's a great movie. It shows, well I wont' tell you that would ruin it, just that it hit home for me and fits into this thread, but that's all I'm gonna say. GO SEE IT!!!!
Well thanks for letting my ramble, not that you really have any control over it and can just scroll down, but I feel better.
Venice

Do Kids Hate Being JW`s?

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