Do Kids Hate Being JW`s? (page 9)

Grunt

Hi Xandit,
You gave a very clear answer to whether you were in or out when you said:

"What a good question. Not one that I have a can definitively answer because I don't define myself in those terms."

With the Witnesses you don't get to choose the terms, as you well know. They have terms already chosen for you. Your terms would be, depending on how often you attend; Weak, Inactive, Disassociated and if found to be in contact with those labeled with the term "apostate" then you would share that term. Another term you would quickly get, depending on how many people you share your indefinite answers or possible disagreements with, would be "Disfellowshipped," to this term you could quickly add the term, not used but understood as going along with the last term and frequently practiced by those termed "Mature" that would be known to outsiders and ex'es as "shunned." I hope you have "independent" relatives who are witnesses because if they are what used to be known as "Whole-Souled" then you are "Dead" to them. May the unforeseen circumstances you encounter be favorable to you or using the term that replaced, good luck. I wish you all the best and admire your stance. If more Witnesses, even "weak" ones, felt as you do then they wouldn't be such a "cult."

Xandit

Grunt I've always been fairly successful in the Organization with defining myself on my own terms. Things are not nearly as simplistic as you portray them.

trevor

Hi, Happytobefree, Thank you for your kind remarks - also Mommy and Englishman.

You mentioned how hard you find it to leave the past behind, that you were afraid of success and asked how others cope. We have to be aware of what has been programmed into our mind, not just our thinking mind but our emotional mind. There is really no such thing as fear of success, it is just fear of failure with another hat on. People fear failure, so they avoid taking on new challenges and in doing so hand themselves a guarantee of failure by not even starting.

Fearing that they will not be able to cope with success or the successful people they will meet as a result they conclude that they are afraid of success. Firstly you have to define your idea of success. To one person it is climbing Everest. To another driving a Cadillac with $5,000,000 in the bank. To another it is raising a large family. Famous people that succeed do so because they love what they do. Those that are earning top money in pressured jobs that they don't enjoy are usually working towards early retirement or more likely early death.

Be totally honest with yourself and ask what you want to spend the rest of your life doing, achieving. When you are absolutely sure then start working towards that goal one day at a time. I it is something you love, you will be good at it and success will be automatic as you harness all the posive forces of nature onto your side. Maybe those jobs you turned down offered money, status, travel but if they weren't what you wanted to be doing then your emotional mind would experience fear. Many challenges cause fear but successful people overcome that fear because their love for what they do is greater than the fear of change.

Frank Sinatra spent many of his early years being physically sick before going on stage but overcame it. At 80 he was fabulously wealthy and had no need to work but carried on because he loved what he did. All successful people follow the same pattern. When you find what you really want to do then you only fear will be that you will be held back from doing it.

I think it is important to never leave negative feelings unattended. Acknowledge them, examine them and then find a way of approaching the situation positively. This honest approach can be applied to any situation. Find the cause of the unwanted feeling, and then deal with it. Most apprehension is caused by a fear of other people due to our conditioning as Witnesses. If you deal with the people you fear in a positive way and your fear will evaporate.

In a way being brought up a Witnesses has its advantages, it gives you an insight that give you an advantage. Most people play out the scrip they were given at birth if it is half reasonable. The extreme nature of a Witnesses upbringing causes many to reject all they have ever looked to for security. If you can do that you can do anything. The act of clearing out the mind and refilling it with the beliefs we rationally choose, expands and opens us up to reality in a way that very few people ever have to do. It equips us for living fully on our terms because we have already tried the alternative as Witnesses.

I say all this to make my point that ex-Witnesses are better equipped to succeed than most. Don't undervalue your self or underestimate what you have achieved already. You have proved that you are a survivor. Sorry to rattle on for so long - but you did ask!

All the best

Trevor

Prisca

Wow - great post Trevor.

happytobefree

Trevor,

Your advice was wonderful, and I agree 100%. But to live it is another. My therapist and my close friends have told me the same thing. But I really don't think it's a fear of failure, because that is usually the fear that I thrive on. But taking on a JOB that I am not happy with, is ringing true. I always wanted to teach, or to do work in the sociology field. And everytime I would get up the nerve to pursue these careers, I would get a promotion or offered a high profile job that would get my blood pumping again. I quit my job in November, to find myself and to do what I always wanted. So today, I'm going to fill out an application to substitute teach until I can get my teaching certificate.

So thank you for your wonderful advice. You can send me your bill.

Happy to be Free (Me)

peaceloveharmony

trevor-

Thanks for the post. you have a way with words :)

harmony

lightbearer

Dear Englishman,

I brought my sons to the meetings and field serivce up to the ages of 3 and 5 and then left the Jw's. Now they are 6 and 9 and are doing great. My exwife was disfellowshipped but still believes in it and may go back. If she decides to take my sons, I will certainly object. I am so grateful I was able to escape before indoctrinating my son. We have a great relationship ......we all listen to heavy metal..lol..
Can't say enough good words about leaving when I did.

Thank you,
Richard Schwartz

discombobulatedgirl

YES I HATED BEING A JW IT WAS STUPIOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

Casper

I read all 5 pages of this thread....and not once did I notice
anyone mention the "Physical Abuse" that children go thru at
the meetings and conventions...

Talking about the little ones here.......

I have seen small children, back handed in the mouth, for
whispering, beaten on the legs with wooden spoons, and beg
for "HELP" when finally taken to the bathroom for a more
severe flogging..!!!!! Why..?? Mostly because of disapproving
looks from the Elders....and the "More Mature" ones.

Some of these children were just babies...doing what babies
do.....

One child in my cong. had nothing but black and blue marks on
his legs, where his PO father would pinch him severely for his
everymove. Made me Sick..!!! Some would be taken outside
for their punishment... Too Shocking for the rest of the Cong.
to see or hear.

I also noticed when a child was "disiplined"...the "Smiles and
satisfied looks on the Elders faces. The harsher the punishment
the more they smiled, and gave the parents that..."great job"
look.

How can anyone....esp. the GB, who mostly have never had small
children, and never had to deal with them.... expect them
to sit quietly for 3 days at a time, at "Conventions"...

I personally was told, to take my child out (she was 6 mo. old) and
give her a good "swat on the behind". Sorry to say I was so new
and intimidated, I did this.....she screamed bloody murder and then
fell asleep..... The Elder came by and said....."See, it works every
time"...... I hate that I did that...hate that I fell into
doing my child that way....

I stopped it..and took on a more patient attitude with my child. I
am not saying children don't need to be taught to behave, but there
is a line between training and abuse.

So, from some children's experiences, I would say they were terrified
of going to the hall. I know I seen some very pitiful little faces.

Just one more straw added to the pile....

Casper

Mommie Dark

Casper touched Mommie's eyeball here! The abuse of babies and little kids is the worst part of the JW treatment of children. For every JW who insists these incidents are rare and unusual, I hear from a hundred folk like you who recall babies being hit with spoons, pinched, shaken, whacked, smacked, and otherwise yanked around. I did it to my kids when I was still a JW, egged on by every elderette I ever knew. People gave me spoons and pingpong paddles and lathe-turned paddles to use on my rowdy boys. I beat them, and by the time we left, we had a genuine problem of physical violence to overcome. It took intensive family therapy to find a new dynamic. We worked hard to keep Ike from killing himself. (I was able to instill the same self-loathing I had been given into at least one of my kids.) He is still feeling the effects. We did an immersion therapy program, a counselor came to our house for two hours twice a week and we all had individual counseling, too. We learned a lot, but even so it takes tremendous effort to break those old bad sad vicious habits of conquer-and-dominate we learned from the Tower. My ADHD sons, now grown men, still tend to think with fists and have to be cajoled into using brains to solve with finesse what muscle can solve with brute force.

Growing up JW sucked rotten eggs. Every gift and talent I had was denigrated as sinful, selfish, somehow dirty. Singing, writing, acting? FILTH! And I was FILTH for wanting those things in my life... today as a middle-aged woman I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I wonder if I can figure it out before all my hairs are grey?

Looking for a piano bar to sing the blues,
MD

Do Kids Hate Being JW`s?

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