Do Kids Hate Being JW`s?

by Englishman 95 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  larc

  RHW,

  Years ago, there was a Psychiatrist, Harry Stack Sullivan, who coined a term, "consensual validation". It's when you discover that you're not nuts, but you have gone throught the same experiences and had the same emotions as many other people. That's why I took the time to go find the quote from Barbara Grizzui Harrison, to show you an example of how another bright, precosious (sp?) little girl felt. Wendy has talked about how bright and capable she was as a little girl. The stories go on and on. I do believe that it helps, as you said, RHW and wendy, to share those stories. Outsiders simply can't understand.
• 

  larc

  Venice,

  There are many times that I have had those same thoughts, all those wasted years, and what could have been..but then I have to bring myself up short and ask what can I do today to make my life better and also what have I learned from all those years where I can help someone else, not waste those years. Venice, we have something very special.... a knowledge that we can use to help others get out of the pain and help others never get into it in the first place. God be with you.
• 

  Grunt

  Waiting,
  It breaks my heart to think of you having to deal with what you had to deal with. I work with kids a lot, and have been able to effect a change for some. For others, I have called HRS (the agency in Florida that handles this) and told them about situations that were not changed much if at all. An uncle having raped a little girl, still being welcomed into the home, a little girl raped and having to bear the child, I believe because she is retarded and gets a gov't check and they think the child will also. Anyway, a lot of grief inflicted on a lot of innocents and that is something it hurts to think about. All we can do is try to help the victims as much as we can and prevent the situations from continuing to exist as much as we can. I was not raised a Witness, but came in as an adult. I can't speak to the pain of such a childhood. I have observed a lot of kids raised as Witnesses. The good thing is that so many kids in my extended family are leaving, not getting baptized to start with or if involved are keeping that involvement to a minimum. I also think it is good that kids are discouraged. Fewer victims of the cult. I think a great change in laws regarding the Organization, and in people's attitudes towards Witnesses is in progress. As more and more people know the the real scoop through ex-Witnesses like ourselves, and the net, more people will give them their due. Most people will be extra nice to the kids, understanding that they are not in control. Most kids in school are pretty understanding of Witness kids and their beliefs. Hopefully people will read on boards like this and get a feel for just what is really going on and allow that to flavor their dealings with Witnesses as individuals and with the Society. I think most kids do hate being JW's but love their families. Englishman, if you are still here, great thread. I am glad you migrated! Waiting, all of your bought experience is used for good as you try to help others here and in other arenas in your life. Even bad experiences expand our ability to empathise and to help. Good blues music is often based on harsh, cruel experiences. You have a deep well from which to draw balm for others and the wisdom to apply it properly.
  Grunt.
• 

  mommy

  Rhw,
  I tried to post earlier but my pc wasn't cooperating. I wanted to let you know that I agree! I could type my whole life story out here, and I would feel soooo much better. It is a relief to be able to "spill it" and have people understand. I get on the prickly side when others don't understand and take a jab at someone who has just spilled their guts out.
  My point is. There comes a time when you have to take a stand and start living your life, instead of your past. Hang on before you jump on this. If someone starts therapy, the therapist expects people to place blame on another party for their life. This is the natural course of healing. But if this person is still blaming after 1 year of therapy, well something is wrong. This person doesn't want to accept responsibility for their life. Yes they may have a job, run their household, maybe even have their own business. But if you continue to blame the past for the present, then you are just a coward, unable to accept what life has given to you.
  My point in writing the post before was to make a point that we are all in different stages of healiing. It may take one person a month to get over their past. Then again another person may never get over it. But we are all here to help one another. I guess my view is I have lived a horrible life, I got over it, I am stronger for it, I will go on, No everything is not peachy, I do have a child who is destined to die before me. BUT I accept the past and take full responsibility for my future.
  So I guess you can say I am the girl in the group that has been to 240th sessions, helping the newbies along. No offense to anyone, but it does get better
  wendy
• 

  Latte

  Sure they do.

  Unfortunately the whole way of life is a non-negotiable one - you have no choice. I cringe when I remember as a young person standing on the corner of a main road junction, being made to close my eyes for the prayer, before Friday evening f.service. It was soooo embarrassing.

  Sitting outside of assembly on my own, whilst everyone sang. I remember thinking that it sounded like a whole lot of fun - I was never part of it. (still can't sing!)

  Too much is expected from children and us. Can't do it.

  Latte
• 

  waiting

  hey latte,

  I remember as a young person standing on the corner of a main road junction, being made to close my eyes for the prayer, before Friday evening f.service. It was soooo embarrassing.

  Honey, that would have embarrassed all except the hardcore fanatical jw's. I wasn't one of those - I don't know what I would have done - probably cringed next to you.

  waiting
• 

  Frenchy

  My feelings are mixed on this. I regret that many of us were discouraged from pursuing higher education. Many of us would have benefitted from it. But then again many of us have done quite well without it. I regret that many of us were held back from participating in school sports. Some of us would have benefitted from it, some are better off for having been pointed in a different direction.
  It was difficult for me to have to explain to my teacher why I could not hold my hand over my heart for the pledge of allegiance. It served me later, however, in having to stand up to authority figures for what I perceived to be right. I stood up for what I had been persuaded to believe. Over and over again. In the end I learned what it means to stand against the wind.
  I missed going to the high school prom dance, drinking on the sly and cutting up with my friends. I also missed getting killed while driving in that condition. I missed out on sleeping around with the girls in school. But in the process I learned commitment and fidelity and thirty some odd years later I'm still married to the same woman who, by the way, grew up with those same principles.
  To put things into perspective there were some of my friends who were not witnesses that did not go to college for different reasons and did well. Those same people grew up to be decent, law abiding citizens with strong community ties and have led exemplary lives all without the ‘conditioning' that I received. So, who's to say? I may have been able to have had all those choices and still turned out okay...a birthday party would have been nice!

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
• 

  ianao

  I can't speak from experience, not being a JW. I can say that most people with strong wills end up excelling. It's just a matter of WHAT they wish to do with their lives. You could have turned out the same without 'conditioning' Frenchy. You would have just put your talents to good use in other areas, IMO.

  From what i've seen/heard, the JW childhood experience can be similar or very different from a 'worldy' upbringing. It really does seem to rest on what the parents choose for their child and what values they instill in him/her BEFORE they start making their own decisions. Give a kid a good moral structure, they will do OK. Give them very little values or negative values, and well, you have some of the kids walking the streets of America today.

  Human nature factors in on a child also. The rebellious young teenager would come out to an extent whether they were JW or not. A drawback of the JW upbringing seems to be that it is EASIER for a kid to rebel, because there are many more things to rebel against. I don't know how much the adult behavior is cultivated from childhood in a JW, but if the 'shunning' practices are used amongst JW children, then it would do nothing to discourage a rebelious seed from sprouting, especially if 'worldly' children become more friendly than other JW children who are staying away from them.

  Edited by - ianao on 9 February 2001 13:43:2
• 

  JT

  RHW-
  you sumed it up very nicely- literally no life at all

  i recall the few elders when i was growingup who tried to introduce some activites in the life of the jw youth in the hall

  softball or bowling and how it was SHOT DOWN AS A TIME WASTER

  how sad

  James
• 

  JT

  now i like this guy called Fred Hall