I will give my husband the divorce he wants

by losingit 45 Replies latest jw friends

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  NeverKnew

  I had to go back and read other threads to learn that you're getting your Master's degree soon? Are you kidding me? YOU GO GIRL!

  Now, let's get stronger. You have given him permission to make you feel like this. I know because I've been there. When you're ready to leave, maybe my frame will help you get through it.

  Twenty-one years ago, I left an abusive marriage with my daughter. I barely remember her early childhood for I was consumed with grief over my circumstances. It was an abuse counselor who told me that the biggest reason victims stay is because of the fear of the unknown upon leaving (what will happen to me? I will be alone...). In staying, you KNOW what is going to happen from day to day. In leaving, you're entering into the unknown and yes, that's scary.

  You know what was ultimately scarier for me? ... leading my daughter to believe through my actions that a life of abuse was acceptable and realizing that I was potentially starting a cycle of abuse that could last through generations. Was that the legacy I wanted to leave for her? That her Mom accepted emotional and physical abuse? Absolutely not! There's absolutely NO HONOR in what you're doing and the long term consequences could last BEYOND YOUR LIFETIME.

  As I started the process, I held onto the notion that if it was God's will, my ex would realize his idiocy and we could re-marry - but know that I was dead set on sending a declarative statement that he would NO LONGER control my life with his emotional fluctuations (I hate you - don't leave me syndrome). I needed my actions to be clear... I was showing him that at this period in his life, he was no longer worthy of the love I had to offer. I made the divorce a GOAL to take my life back from him.

  Divorce may be the answer while your husband grows up. Each minute, day, week, month and year that passes is another lost to what? Not worth it. It sounds like you've done what you can to show him honor. If you're done feeling what you've been feeling - unload him. If not, stay until you're sure.

  Also, I can't tell you how many people sympathize with how much money their ex will or will not have with respect to support. Not your problem. It was HIS decision to be an A$$, so let him pay for it. Your kids deserve to feel secure and have their needs met. Make sure you can provide them with as much security as possible. It's painful when you're a few dollars short of an opportunity for them to experience something.

  Maybe he'd act honorably but given his current behavior?... I'd get an insurance policy called "child support."

  ...Just my experience and opinion. You have to do what's right for you but just know that whatever your decision, you'll have a load of emotional support from JWN.
• 

  laverite

  Losingit,

  I went through an awful, awful time once. It lasted for a few years. Very emotionally traumatic. I'm quite amazed I survived it. At times, all I could do is to remind myself "just breathe." Some days, putting one foot in front of the other seemed near impossible. So..."Just breathe" worked -- I focused on that.

  Also, when things would get quite difficult, I would have a cup of tea. It may not have made anything any better but the way I look at it, it couldn't hurt any.

  If you find yourself teetering, perhaps have that cup of tea. It may not make anything better, but at least you will have had a cup of tea.
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  AudeSapere

  Laverite has good advice. Again.

  'Just Breathe' was suggested to me when I was overwhelmed several years ago. A friend gave me this CD:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rtJRlLdI8
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  His Excellency

  bumping
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  Stauros

  Being a submissive wife does not mean that you have to tolerate abuse. A man is not a man until he proves that he is one. I am assuming that he does not practice what the bible says, but instead just follows his own selfish desires. A Godly man would take on his responsibilities as the head of the household and love his wife and children immensely. There is nothing you can do if he chooses not to be with you. Let his own actions judge him, for it is written, we shall be judged according to our deeds. Do you still have faith in God or has that disappeared from your life? Perhaps it is time to seek out a new husband, one that is willing to love you and your children.

  Estephan
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  FirstLastName

  Losingit - I feel that we have very simular stories, but I never had kids. It took my 6 years to leave the situation because I did not know how to support myself or were to go. I held on to the bitter end, even through all his threats of divorcing me. And you know what? When I was finally over it and told him I was leaving him, he paniced and did not want me to leave.He refused to sign papers, negotiate property, demanded counsiling, anything he could to slow me down.

  But I had already shut that door and decided my next move. It was humbling, but I moved in with my parents for 6 months until I got my own place.

  I understand your in a more difficult position with kids, but I promise you - it gets better. And you will move on. And your life will be richer for it. I dont like wishing people luck, cause I feel like luck it what YOU make of life. So get out that and do what you need to do.

  Best - FirstLastName