Mother Forces 5 Year-Old Son To . . .

by Zandor 41 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Zandor

  Can anyone here, lay person or professional describe or give insights into the effects the following has on a child?

  When my friend, the middle child of 3 siblings, was five years old, his mother took him by the hand and led him to the house where his father was having an affair with another woman. She opened the door to confront her husband who was actually in the act of having sex with the other woman, and deliberately exposed her young son to this drama.

  Please speak freely. I have many ideas about how this has effected the boy, now 20 years old, but I need more insight and perspective, understanding.

  Thanks
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  Comatose

  That's disgusting and child abuse.
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  Zandor

  I mean first of all, it is clear to me that this is a very self-centered woman who wanted her husband to feel shame for not just being caught, but also suffer the guilt and shame of his little boy witnessing this transgression. She wanted her husband to pay for his infidelity, but she was willing to injure the little boy and make him pay a price just to inflict shame on the husband.
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  Gayle

  Absolutely horrible!! Even movies with such content are forbidden for such ages, let alone for something 'real.' What a hateful, despicable mom to impose such a thing on her child.
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  flipper

  ZANDOR- That's disgusting that this mother did this to this young 5 yr.old child. This mother needs to have her head examined, she's off mentally. There are other ways to deal with young children when a married couple is going through emotional trauma- and it's NOT by traumatizing the children again by seeing two people having sexual contact- something children are WAY too young to see or experience.

  In my opinion it will affect this young boy in that as he ages to an adult he will always be looking over his shoulder to see if his girlfriend or guy friend ( if that's the case ) is cheating on him. It will teach him to NOT trust anyone, even the closest people to him. So it pretty much messes up his trust issues AND it will equate sex as being something negative or " dirty " that people do sneaking around trying not to get caught. It also may cause this child to grow up wanting to snoop into other people's private lives uninvited thinking it's O.K. to do so. I mean- the possible negative damage by this asshole mother is immense. True the father was breaking marriage vows and cheating which is wrong if you are married- however it's also wrong to submit your young minor child to viewing such intimate contact as it is a criminal act if a child is molested. So the way I look at it- that mother was molesting her child's mind by allowing the child to view sexual contact at that age. Just my 2 cents on the matter
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  adamah

  It's definitely inappropriate and shows the mother's callous disregard for the child, using him as a pawn in order to shame the father for betraying his mother.

  However, the child is an adult now, and needs to accept that no one can pick their parents, and he had no choice in the matter, so only he can decide if he's going to let his parent's shortcomings interfere with HIS life or if he chooses to break the cycle and be a better person that his parents. After a point, he's going to have to decide to let it go of it (unless he insists on remaining the victim, and not growing up past his parents). Someone's got to be the better person, and say the buck stops with me, or the bad behvaior only perpetuates into the next generation.

  Adam
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  Comatose

  It's sick and twisted. A woman who cares more about punishing her husband than protecting her child. No matter what my wife did I wouldn't purposefully destroy her relationship as my children's mother. That's disgusting if she did it on purpose.
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  sammielee24

  There's a lot left out.

  Did she know they were having sex right at that moment? Did she go over to 'talk' with him? Whose house was it? Had he moved out? What was the couples dynamic before and during this? Did the mother have mental issues? How did the father handle it? How much did the child actually see? How did the mother know the father was doing 'it' right at that moment in that time in that room in order to place her child there? Why that child? Why not the siblings?

  It has often been said that it isn't the action but the reaction to events that is within your control. sammieswife
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  Zandor

  To my knowledge, the mother knew the following- the husband was in the other woman's home. The mother KNEW her husband was there cheating (if not actually in the act), and she took her son along knowing there would be a confrontation between her, her husband, and the other woman. It seems calculated and deliberate to have had the little boy, M, in tow.

  In talking with the mother in recent days, she related how when this particular child, M, was born, she took it very personally that the infant did not want her to hold him. She talked about how the infant would cry when she tried to hold him and wouldn't stop crying until she put him down, and how deeply hurt she felt that he wasn't like the older brother (four years older) who felt safe and comfy in her arms. The older brother, btw, began molesting M when he was around the same age of 5, and the molestation continued until M was around 13. After that, M subsequently began trolling the internet looking for sex and drugs with much older men. The practice has continued to this day.
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  sammielee24

  I'm no judge nor juror - but it is pretty clear that both the husband and wife had some sort of disastrous relationship. If the mother went to confront the father, then it can't be said that she deliberately decided to expose her child to a sexual act but rather that was the unfortunate consequence of her actions - which would have entailed entering the private premises of another person without their knowledge. Break and enter. Bad judgement call and her motivation seems to be anger. Women or men use their children during custody, separation and divorce arguments constantly - and that includes putting the kid front and center, sometimes as a method of trying to force the other party to visually see their obligation and responsibility.

  I don't see the link between an older brother molesting the 5 year old and the 5 year old witnessing the event - unless all of the children were living in the house while the parents continued on some abusive pattern in their relationsip which affected the children. This speaks to the parenting issues of both mother and father including the issue of control, power and trust - the elder sibling using control and power to abuse the younger and the younger unable to trust the adults enough to tell them of the abuse.

  A family of 5 kids up the street from me growing up, watched as their father chased their mother from the front door across the lawn of a neighbors house, where he tackled her to the ground and stabbed her 27 times. She died. They were separated at the time. They witnessed a horrible event and suffered multiple losses in their life as their mother died, their father went to prison and they were farmed out to relatives. They were forced to acknowledge, accept and then choose how they were going to let that moment in time define them - life is more than one moment - it is many.

  In this case the mother was wrong. The father was wrong. The older sibling was wrong. The younger one struggling, needs to realize that you can't change what was but you can change how you allow it to define you. The only control he has is in himself - . Hope he is able to move on ...sammieswife