We also had an ms's wife who would write her husbands talks and parts and always everytime before the poor guy would go up on stage, she would pull his talk papers out of his briefcase along with straightening his tie sitting in their usual spots which was two rows from the very front of the hall. All for show. Yet, she would always be the one to give the comments on how the woman should be in subjection. Wanted to puke along with everyone else. When he would make an error she would be shaking her head and go beat red in the face. Felt real sorry for the poor guy.
Head of the House?
by cofty 46 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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2+2=5
Once I learned TTATT, unchained my wife from the kitchen and allowed her to call me by my first name, our marriage improved dramatically.
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ShirleyW
Wives have been writing talks for decades and "admonishing their husbands" on the path to take at the Judicial Committee meeting to DF somebody.
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Gypsy Sam
I was over it before I even married, lol.
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Apognophos
In my time growing up as a Witness, I can't remember many marriages that actually seemed to have the husband functioning as the head. It seemed kind of sad to me that there was this nominal show of headship being put on by both partners, the man for the sake of his ego and the wife for appearance's sake, when it was clear that the wife always got her way behind the scenes. I thought it was nice to see a relationship where the husband and wife treated each other as equals, but I would say the relationships were usually (most common to least common):
1. Woman on top. Man pretends to be in charge but always ends up doing what his wife wants, from minor things like being told in front of other brothers that he's not allowed to go to certain movies, to being induced to move away from his good job or best friend so his wife can be with her family.
2. Equal relationship. Both partners speak their mind plainly to each other but clearly have loving respect for each other.
3. Man on top. Wife is expected to walk behind him, bring him things at home, and always appears worn-out by his ego-driven demands.
4. Man on top. Man is in charge, but respectfully. He oftens praises his wife in front of others and speaks self-deprecatingly of himself, and she seems to enjoy being his "lieutenant" when he gives the occasional macho order around the house.
So I don't put much stock in how "unfair" the headship arrangement is, because I saw plenty of dysfunctional and healthy couples who did their own thing.
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Hortensia
It's typical of religion, isn't it? I don't know of any religions that consider men and women to be equal partners in a marriage. The more extreme the religion, the more women are suppressed/oppressed.
I recall sitting in a restaurant once with my husband, listening to several women at the next table (not JWs) talk about how "headship" was a test from god to teach women humility. They were very smug about the whole thing, topping one another with stories about how they subjected themselves to their husbands' rules. It was nauseating. I finally said, quite loudly, "why don't women learn to use the brains god gave them?"
My mother was the classic "let the man rule the house" type of JW. Once I asked her why she didn't get something repaired in her house. She said that her husband didn't want her to do it. I said, "but he has Alzheimer's. When are you going to start using the brain god gave you?" Her reply was classic: "when the elders tell me I can." Oh, lordy.
BTW, I don't believe in god, but I was speaking to/about people who do believe in god.
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Oubliette
Advisory Warning: The following commentary uses an excessive amount of "scare quotes" due to content.
When I was an elder, my ex-wife (born-in JW) always bucked my "headship." It was a constant source of contention. I tried to "lovingly" remind her that this was "Jehovah's arrangement," but she just couldn't help herself. Her mother ran roughshod over her father and she thought she could do the same to me.
We are now divorced. What a surprise. There are other reasons, but frankly her headstrong bullying was one of the main reasons. At the KH she pretended to be "the submissive wife," but at home she was a bossy little bitch that always wanted her way. She'd pout and withhold sex when she didn't get her way. Being a strong personality I wasn't going to ever give in to her childish little tantrums. We were miserable.
Ok, as I mentioned, we divorced. I am now married to a woman that was never a JW. (She is a lapsed Catholic, hasn't been to church in decades ....).
We are partners. Neither of us try to bully or manipulate the other, ... well, we're human so sometimes we both revert. But when the other calls "bullshit" it's game-over.
We hardly ever fight. We get along about almost everything. There are things she does I don't agree with and things I do that she doesn't particularly like, but none of it is worth getting hung about.
Mostly we agree. When we don't we talk it out. Mostly we come to an arrangement that works for both of us.
No tantrums. No head games. No withholding sex. No pretending to be one thing in public but really being something quite different at home.
It's pretty close to bliss. YMMV.
BTW, my current wife thinks JWs are completely nucking futs!
My two cents.
Oubliette
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FlyingHighNow
She'd pout and withhold sex when she didn't get her way.
Do you know how many JW wives will say the same thing about their JW husbands?
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Aunt Fancy
My husband and I have been married for 32 years and we always have been equal partners. He has never tried to lord it over me. I am sure it irritated many "brother" to listen to us but there is no way I will let a man push me around or dominate me. My husband was an elder for years and he told me women were definitely treated differently during committee meetings and other ways in the congregation.
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FlyingHighNow
After being with an intelligent man who doesn't try to push me around, I am ruined. I will never be with that old timey thinking kind of guy again.
I found that the head of the household thing really just saves husbands from the trouble of communicating with his wife and children. What he says goes: end of conversation. Meanwhile, the wife and kids plot ways to get as far away from him as they can.
I have to say that most of the elders I knew over the years were nice guys and their wives were sweet, too. I only met one or two sisters who tried to boss their husbands around. One of them was my sister. My sister had a very domineering husband though, so she countered him a lot of the time. In their later years, the tables completely turned and now she is the tyrant.