What do I do about this? (page 7)

AlphaMan

I'm inactive and no longer go to meetings and service. I don't think my husband will believe me if I tell him this- he'll think I'm trying to underhandedly prevent him from taking the kids in service by lying about this friend.

Wow.....you really have a trying situation here. The first thing you must do is you must get copies or photos of those documents & notes. No one will believe you without the documented evidence. Do not worry about any right or wrong issues of looking at the documents. The wrong of hiding child molestation far out-weights looking at the documents. That's the way the JW religion operates.....hide pedophiles and protect the organization and threaten into submission anyone who dares to expose the crimes.

I agree that I have to find a way to tell my husband.

Yes.....tell your husband first and see how it goes. This could be something that starts to awaken your husband from the cult. Remember.....you have to have the evidence first. If you show him evidence, make sure you have a copy hidden in case he reacts adversely and takes the evidence you show him and destroys it.

Now my husband wants to go in service today with this person and take our kids.

Did your husband take your children out in service today with the pedophile? If so, I'm sure you did question your husband how things went while your children were around that person. Until you get the evidence to present to your husband figure out a way to ensure this person is not around your children alone.

I can't deal with my dad right now. The idea that he knew this and didn't even try to tell me without naming names repulses me.

Prepare yourself you deal with your father over this. He hid this child molestation like a typical brainwashed good JW elder. When you do confront him, this will give you a chance to find out more information about this, and it will give your father a chance to do the right thing regarding this and report it. This could also be something that finally awakens your father from this cult. Remember.....keep a master copy of the evidence hidden somewhere, and do not let your father deflect the issue by harping on you had no right to look at that.

If you do decide to go to the authorities, the idea to go to the DA's office sounded good. They can get the police involved if there is enough evidence. Good luck with your next decisions concerning this.

whathappened

You must be a momma bear and protect your children from the pedophila loving organisation. How would you feel if your own child was raped?

villagegirl

Steve2 You are a licensed psychologist ? According to your profile ?

This advise you give, would makes you now acting, in criminal actionable

and wrongful hiding knowledge of child abuse and is cause to remove whatever

license you have to practice as a Psychologist and you know it. You were abused

sexually by a man as a child ? And now you are homosexual ? See any connection ?

villagegirl

Why ask "What do I do about this?" when all you want is to

be sympathized with ? You are an irrisponsible parent who

values " people liking you " at the sacrifice of your own children.

Doing anything is obviously not your plan.

Frazzled UBM

villagegirl - do you want this perpetrator to be arrested and convicted and sent to prison? If yes, then simply berating dissonance resolved into reporting to the police will not get this result. Hers will be nothing more than a hearsay account that the police will be unwilling to action unless the victim comes forward. Getting the documents or a copy of the documents form her father will help but it will still only be hearsay evidence. If she reports it to the police and the police confront the victim and the victim is unwilling to cooperate the investigation will end there. So her best strategy is to get the victim to report it. As I pointed out yesterday this takes delicacy. She needs to work out the best way to do this. Rushing into it like a bull at a gate will likely have everyone running for cover and not achieve anything.

yadda yadda 2

Copy the documents and take them to the police.

nugget

NVR I do not believe ground rules are an absolute protection but the situation means that the husband may well insist that they participate in JW activities. The mother knows about 2 paedophiles in the congregation and can tell the children that these people are not to be trusted and that they must never be alone with them but she won't know if there are others. Reporting the people concerned may not result in prosecution the children need strategies. My son knows what areas people can touch and what areas only he can touch he knows that if anyone attempts to touch him in his private areas then it is wrong and to report it.

Ground rules with the JW parent that insist that the children can only be transported by the parent etc are there to protect the children from molesters they do not know about as much as possible. The ideal situation would be to remove the children totally from the group and it's influence but this does not appear to be an option.

What is essential is that children feel happy to talk to their mum about any concerns and know they will be listened to. Nothing in life is guaranteed or foolproof. Paedophiles are good at ingratiating themselves parents cannot be passive and hope this will will never happen we have to be vigilent and not complacent. Unfortunately JWs are misled into thinking that anyone not Df'd is safe if the elders haven't reproved someone they are trustworthy.

losingit

Where are you at now in.this matter, dissonance resolved?

steve2

village girl, you draw my attention to my biosketch and leap to unsound conclusions about factors that presumably make me gay. Since you raised this aspect, asking me if I saw a connection I will answer: As a preschooler I knew I was not like other boys - although I would not have had words and/or knowledge about sexual orientation - so I categorically deny that the abuse I suffered at age 8 to 9 contributed to my orientation. You will likely know that many pedophiles groom their victims and they are particularly astute at identifying children who in some important ways appear different. While I was never a flambouyant or "obviously" gay child, people had often drawn to my attention that I was a sensitive and gentle boy - qualities that definitely do not indicate anything about sexual orientation but those characteristics do not go unnoticed by a pedophile. My JW parents allowed my siblings and me to individually make home visits (I had my own magazine route - as they used to call it back in the 60s). One "nice" adult male householder (probably in his 40s) took an interest in the magazines and said he liked me bringing them to him. I was incredibly naive and trusting. Little by little over several months he became very affectionate towards me - which confused and intrigued me - and before long he was sexually abusing me. I felt incredibly wicked and guilty but was also drawn to this man. Even today I have difficulty saying that it stopped several mnoths later not because I realized I was being abused but when he was no longer interested in me and told me to stay away. There was very very little awareness back then about the dangers of sexual abuse and grooming victims - besides I personally felt condemned because I had never protested or reported him.

Fast forward several years to my young adulthood and I find out that my abuser was charged by the police with sexually abusing a number of boys and girls was subsequently tried before the Courts and sentenced to prison. It was at that stage that I fully realized for the very first time that I had been sexually abused. Up until then I had shouldered the burden of believing I was a wicked person for what happened. I felt a mixture of extreme anger towards this creep and sadness that my naive nature had been taken advantage of (hell I was little more than 8 at the time it started).

Suffice to say I told no one in my family because most of them were and are JWs and they would not understand how pedophiles operate (although I suspect my now deceased JW mother would probably have been very empathic because she never once condemned me for being gay - but I will never know how my parents would have reacted to the abuse because like so many abuse victims, I kept quiet about it.

That all seems so far in my past. I have done some hard work on resolving the issues I struggled with for many years and, as you noted, I am now a registered clinical psychologist. I am a staunch advocate of empowering sexual abuse victims - hence my ealrier posts on this thread acknowledged the dilemma when anyone happens upon sensitive information when they are looking through someone else's property.

I hope this answers your question village girl, as speaking to this issue is not easy but you raised some important issues that I feel deserved answers.

losingit

Bumped-- where are you on this dissonance resolved?

What do I do about this?

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