by dissonance_resolved 84 Replies latest members private
Well said Steve. Thanks for answering village girl. I have found all your posts helpful and empowering and have followed your advice many times.
DR has not checked back in to reply to any posts, maybe she is really stressed and doesn't know what to do yet. Kate xx
Asking for advice from complete strangers on this very complex situation was a bad idea and this will be my last post on this topic.
I will protect my children at all costs. I will do whatever is in my power to ensure the victim obtains justice and there are no future victims. I will be open and honest with my husband and father, but with the goal of preserving my marriage. I will find avenues of support other than this forum.
Thanks to those who were helpful- you know who you are.
Dear D_R ,
I assume you feel somewhat beat up by all those replies shouting for you to protect your children at all costs. Of course you plan to do exactly that, as any loving mama bear would. Please don't feel that everyone on these forums will shout at you when you ask for input, even though you certainly received lots of that on this issue. I think that so many are truly frustrated with all the covered-up child abuse that they choose to vent, but you should never have borne the brunt of those emotions.
Please know that many moms here are on your side and we know that you'll protect your children! Unfortunately, some who have never lived through abuse inside the borg have no idea how insidious it is and how difficult it is to resolve the feelings of reporting these horrible crimes to the police vs. bringing shame upon (not the GB but) Jehovah's name. At least that's what happened to me as a brand new convert many decades ago. But really, my goal was to do whatever it took to lessen the situation and impact in my child's mind and not make it the focus of that young life. If you're not a parent you have no idea how it feels to be in that situation so please don't judge, it's not as easy as you might think it to be. Mercifully, we hope your children have not been abused by those in question and hope that they never will be!
Please forgive those who have vented so strongly, they are only saying what they feel is right against the perpetrator(s). None of those feelings are a true reflection of their concern and love for your family, I'm sure.
Many hugs and much love to you and your children.
Anyone that have knowledge of a sex crime, parents, family, teachers
counselors, social workers and law enforcement, contact the
authorities immediately. That's the law...
dissonnce resolved - I am not surprised at your response - I too thought that some of the responses you received were over the top and unfair. Obviously this is a very emotional issue and so causes some to adopt knee jerk moral outrage positions which are not helpful. Good luck in sorting this difficult issue out and I am confident you will find a way to make sure the perpetrator(s) pays, the victims are heard and the safety of other kids in the congregation is protected whiloe doing minimal damage to your relationships with your father and husband. Take care - you have a difficult road ahead
Asking for advice from complete strangers on this very complex situation was a bad idea and this will be my last post on this topic.-DR
I agree with you here, I have asked advice on complex situations too and have got a mixed bag. I mainly just do it to vent and to see if others have had similar experiences so I can relate to them. Other posters I don't even read, because we are all waking up at different stages and some posters are just not experienced enough to give advice.
I wish you strength in your endeavour to resolve your complex situation.
Kate xx
I think this forum's thread has been an eye opener to give us a clue as to what ELDERS are going through when they hear these stories about their friends, family members and fellow JWs. It is a dilemma. Some solve it in a way that we approve of and others do not. You will notice that ALL of us are on the side of the children and we all have differing ideas on how to solve this as regards her husband/family/ other relationships.
We are not trained for this stuff. A bigger issue is that the elders are generally as untrained (or often times, even LESS trained) in how to deal with these issues as we are. Mixing in REAL family, legal and religious issues into one pot and being all wise and all knowing is not that simple a thing or even that clear cut a thing.
I don't give any adult hiding this kind of thing an out, but I reserve some compassion for the dilemma that some do face. Not for the manipulating of families, the abuse of the already abused and victimizing those who do report, but the qualms that I have seen expressed about reporting things that they don't personally believe for whatever reason. No, it isn't their job to be judge/jury/prosecutor. Ours either. This is about both legal and moral obligations. If there is no legal one, then a moral one must be followed to protect the innocent. And that includes those who have not been victimized yet (the OP's children). I pray that their father and grandfather put them above all their "congregational" responsibilities-none of which seems to have ANYTHING to do with the Bible, no matter what they might like to believe.
Strong convictions and emotions on this topic are perfectly understandable but they are poor excuses for bulldozing others on this forum. By far most replies reflect shared agreement on the paramountcy of protecting children. God, if that mindset were operating in the 1960s I would not have been abused. So I am on board with the vital importance of the points made. But snide asides and other innuendo do not further the discussion. DR and village girl there are so many points you both powerfully made but the sheer force of some of the language and conclusions about others lets those otherwise powerful points down. As both a victim of abuse and -now - a professional health professional, I take as a basic given that how responsible adults respond to reports of abuse is as important as what they do. There are tragic instances where children have been effectively traumatised in 2 different settings: the abuse itself and parents' openly and chronic vengeful actions towards alleged abusers that has swept aside any evident regard for what their children may be experiencing. Those who work therapeutically with abused children will know how badly children can sometimes be affected by caregivers draconian pursuit of justice at the expense of their children's wellbeing.
So then don't report?
An anonymous phone call to the police reporting what she knows is all that's required. The police can take it from there. The issue is not complicated. It's fairly simple. JW relationships are second place to the abuse suffered by a child. If that appears insensitive to DR's position, I don't apologize. Im happy others provided all types of advice to her such as calling a Rape Hotline or perhaps a women's shelter. I just finished watching wusa9's report on a woman who turned in her family members for violating the terms of their probation. One of the family members was a registered sex offender! The woman felt a greater responsibility to society. Makes sense to me...
And I'll go one step further -- a crime was reported here on this forum. Does not the moderator of this forum also hold some type of accountability/ responsibility in ensuring that this crime be reported to the proper authorities?
What goes around comes around ... And karma is a bitch!
