Involved with a JW woman

by jonza 130 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  villagegirl

  Zowey- re-read this " The comprimise we've come to with kids is this: I get to take them

  to 3 meetings a month to my church, and she can take them to the KH the rest of the time. "

  Nah - THAT shouldn't screw them up. What do the kids have to say about this ?

  What if they decide to be JW's ? Have you thought of that possble outcome ?

  "She also agreed, that I can give them presents on birthdays and Christmas,

  but she just won't be a part of it. I'm sort-of mostly happy about all that."

  So she will be sitting there while you open presents, being "holier than thou"

  and guilting and shaming the children and throwing a wet blanket on

  what is supposed to be a family hoilday ? And what message are these kids

  getting on this one ? Does this sound like happy childhood memories,

  can't wait for the facebook photos of these holidays.

  "so she never let them control her life really." REALLY ?

  "So she says even when she gets refellowshipped she will just be like that again."

  This is such an honest plan.
• 

  marriedtoajw

  Jonza i'm at work using my phone and cant write much now but had to chime in. Read some of my posts also under my previous name Sahara. I will try to pm you soon
• 

  villagegirl

  Do I sound negative ? Sorry. Ignat enjoyed 12 years of deconverting

  her husband, you might to. Or one of your children might become

  a Special Pioneer at Bethel. What thrill that would be. You never know

  what children will end up doing based on what they are exposed to.

  How does your ex-wife feel about them attending a Kingdom Hall ?

  What exactly does "college" mean to you ? and "got an education"

  Are we talking a university degree in some profession ? Teacher ?

  Engineer ? Architect ? Lawyer ? Doctor ? Marine Biologist ?

  or are we talking some community college ?
• 

  scary21

  Most people with an open and honest mind will know it's not the truth if they do the research. Has she read Ray's books ? JWfacts.com ? That should be a must do. Is she really ready to lose her JW mom forever ? There are many people here who just get reinstated for family and then fade. You would have to be married for that to happen.

  If after doing all the reserch with a open mind and she still believes, well, would you want to marry someone that brainwashed ? I would not trust anything that person said !

  Sherry
• 

  ABibleStudent

  jonza - Maybe it's Gods plan for me to rescue her from this cult?? What's the point of any Christian seeking any help from anyone except God??

  Hi jonza, Would God put the lives of your children at risk to help your GF? If she is not able to help herself and your compromise would be putting your children at risk of being victimized by the WTBTS, who should you be more concerned about keeping safe? If you are a christian, than have you read Mt 15?

  NIV Mt 15:13-14

  He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. Leave them; they are blind guides. If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

  IMHO Jesus Christ was just being very pragmatic about the probablity of helping the Pharisees and teachers of the law to overcome BITE control in Mt 15:13-14. He was not being cruel to not help them. He just felt that there was nothing he could do to help them to love God more than the Jewish religious laws and leaders.

  If you do marry your JW GF, please do not trade the emotional and mental health of your children to seal the deal.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  skeeter1

  Run away from this woman. A JW woman (and men) is like an onion. She has many layers, and will make your eyes cry alot. She's going to ruin your life, as long as she adheres, touts, or even clings to the Jehovah's Witness cult.

  The last place you want your children is in a Kingdom Hall. They will brainwash your children to believing you are from Satan the Devil becuase you do not worship Jehovah but go to another church (all other churches are the devil's lair). They allow pedophiles to intermingle and be alone with children, and do not announce who the pedophile is. They will try to brainwash/guilt your children to give up all Holidays, voting, honor socieity's, college, etc. They will try to crowd their life with only JW children. Your wife is going to want to home-school them, to keep them away from worldly influences and to spend more & more time indoctrinating them and taking them out in the door-to-door service.

  Go to a few meetings with this chick. I think you'll find that many meetings & conventions can be boiled down to: 1) The Governing Body speaks for Jehovah, 2) Sit down, obey, or else. The obey part is taught; 1) the world is going to end in Armegheddon very soon, 2) wordly desires are useless, and 3) only Jehovah's desires (getting new converts) is ok.

  I have a JW blood sister who married a non-JW. Their biggest fights are over religion, and he learned to never bring up religion. Becuase, if he does, she gets all defensive. She goes to a meeting, then comes home and picks HUGE ASS fights with my brother-in-law for no reason at all (other than he's not a JW, so she blames him for holding her back from fully worshipping Jehovah in her home). I know her ex-boyfriend and he said that he dares not talk about religion with her becuase she gets so defensive. That is the mind control. My sister has been programmed to defeat any "anti-JW" talk. She does it by screaming and yelling all freaking night long. It wasn't like that when they first met . . . she was all peaches & cream back then. After the wedding is when her programming kicked in to loathe her non-believing husband.

  Many JWs grew up in an abusive household and are victims. If she has any bit of abuse in her past, she is going to need to work through that with psychological help. Really, a shrink needs to un-mind control her. Stay clear of this onion. There are other hot tamales out there.
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  One Last Kiss

  Hmm, if you have your eyes open to the likely potholes that could develop if you move the relationship forward, I'd say things could work out. I would implore you to wait a couple years before starting a family with her though, you have no idea the cyclical nature of guilt within the organisation with the memorial and assemblies.

  Time and again I've seen ppl leave and then a year or two go by and they're back with a vengeance, followed by another exit/fade and return - its an immense gravitational pull to those who haven't resigned themselves to it not being the means of eternal life. It all depends on her personality and motivations.

  All the best!

  One Last Kiss x
• 

  dozy

  What you have to remember is that the ratio women / men in JWs is pretty much 60 / 40 - even 70/30 or worse - so many JW women end up dating "worldly unbelievers" like you ( to use JW terminology - no offence meant. ) Many JWs marry really young - anyone over 25 is in real danger of being "left on the shelf". Every couple of years or so there is counsel in the Watchtower not to date wordly guys but nobody seems to pay much attention - I suppose the figures mean that inevitably some JW women are tempted. We had a really attractive early 30's sister in our congregation who was a lovely person and would have had dozens of guys after her if she wasn't a JW but she couldn't find anyone compatible ( she wanted a strong witness to marry - an appointed man ). She's still single now - really sad.

  What tends to happen in your situation is that the JW conducts the relationship in secret - if news gets out she is "marked" - and then tearfully "confesses" a few months or a year or so after the marriage to immorality & gets privately reproved. I was an elder & personally was on a couple of judicial committees with exactly this scenario.

  She sounds like a pretty weak JW - a bit of a borderline case. Maybe she'll just leave. I'd still be careful - there is always the danger that she ends up becoming a stronger JW in time , especially if she has family or good friends in the "truth". Then you will have problems. Tread carefully. The WTBTS position is that she will always have "tribulation in the flesh" and "God isn't in her marriage" so you will always be running up against this kind of pressure.
• 

  Pubsinger

  If you let your kids go anywhere near a kingdom hall you are out of your mind. You have no IDEA of the indoctrination that goes on. If she wants to go, well that's an adult making an adult decision. But keep your children well away.
  
  If I were the kids mother I would make a huge issue about the kids going there.
  Sorry to be so blunt but you can't possibly understand. I'm totally with Villagegirl on that one.
• 

  clarity

  Hi ...welcome to jwn!

  *

  I was captive to this society for 50yrs, it has taken me 4yrs to

  get my sanity back again. Puleeze do not get involved with this

  person.

  You are 8 yrs older...lol ....all jw women are insecure, and would

  give their right arm to have a MAN to take care of them! They will

  promise anything & everything to (ohpleasegodletithappenplseplse!!!)

  have you be da man!

  Do not do this to your children ...they deserve more!

  *

  "I have a hope that she will wake up from this mind control and I believe I do have reason to think that. I got her to admit that they at least used to be false prophets, " lol................

  *

  This thread has so much great advice in it .... it should be

  a classic!

  clarity