Involved with a JW woman (page 7)

jonza

We actually met on an online game, as strange as that sounds. But neither was there 'looking' for someone. We talked a little through the online in-game chat, and then through email for a while, then IM, and eventually phone calls then after a even longer while video calls, to finally meeting in person.

Right now, again we are at the place of saying no to kids, as as soon as I bring anything up about my fears about having kids with her, she shuts down and becomes very emotional and says that we're not going to have kids ever etc. I've also said that I have doubts about if we should be together about the WT being put first etc and again she becomes very emotional. To the point of saying, she absolutely hates religion and wants nothing to do with it at all. Again, I believe this is just her in the moment excuse to try to get me not have any doubts about being with her. I think this is part of the manipluation that's been mentioned, something I've saw in her a loooong time ago..

nugget

All relationships take work and effort. A relationship with a believing JW is difficult since the society is very good at controlling it's members and sidelining the unbelieving spouse. If your girlfriend still believes but feels unworthy she will have many issues and feelings of guilt. The DF'ing process is designed to be humiliating and embarrassing in order to bully someone into submission. It can break a relationship because the non JW is seen as the cause of all the problems.

Don't underestimate the problems nor the disruption. As you have children of your own I would take things slowly and make sure that they can cope with the relationship and it's implications. Birthdays, Christmas, Mother;s Day and many other celebrations and activities are denied to JW children. They are also denied to JW adults who also have issues with attending church weddings, funerals and Christenings.

It is clear that you care for this woman and she is lucky to have you but don't rush into anything. It may even be worth having counselling together to explore the main areas of friction as JWs find challenge to their beliefs very difficult to deal with and it can lead to anger. If an expert is there to help it may help her to think more rather than shut down. ICSA does offer exit counselling sometimes free of charge for members of high control groups.

nonjwspouse

So, you saw hte manipulation in her. You SAW it, you know it is there. From my experience, a JW will promise anything when they want something, then dismiss it and rationalize a"good" reason for dismissing it when later feeling guilt.

Love my husband deeply and plan to stick with him for life, but if I knew back then when we were dating what I know now...well.....our lives would be very different. I would have walked away from the relationship.

I am in the middle now of horrendous tightrope walking through this relationship, wondering if he will eventually choose the JW, and allthe horrible cult personality changes that go with it, over our relationship.

I hope for the best, but know never to count on it. It is a hellatious way to live in a relationship. Currently he is WT free for the most part ( he is ignoring and delaying) , but I wait for the shoe to drop. I know it will happen, he will get reinvovled again. I have no idea how it will turn out from there. I just work on myself and our child making sure she is educated about cults and how they can trick you with twisted scriptures ( BTW Mary Alice Chranolager " Twisted Scriptures" is a very good book. ) I am preparing her to reject the scripture picking, twistiing, lies and half truths, deceptions any cult uses to lure people.

You are at a point where you are able to wak away. If she is not willing to walk away from the KH, mentally, not just physically, but research the organization and learn what it really is, you have a serious issue on your hands that will NEVER go away.

ABibleStudent

jonza - . . . I've also said that I have doubts about if we should be together about the WT being put first etc and again she becomes very emotional. To the point of saying, she absolutely hates religion and wants nothing to do with it at all. Again, I believe this is just her in the moment excuse to try to get me not have any doubts about being with her. I think this is part of the manipluation that's been mentioned, something I've saw in her a loooong time ago..

Hi jonza, What you have experienced is your GF's authentic and cult personas. Can you imagine how confusing your relationship would become having her switch between her authentic and cult persona? I loved my former friend's authentic persona, but did not like that her cult persona was so much stronger than her authentic persona and I did not know how to communicate with her cult persona. I have a better idea how to communicate with her cult persona now, but I would not even want her as a friend as long as she doesn't critically think for herself. Too much unnecessary drama.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Iown Mylife

If you google Theocratic Warfare you will see a lot of info about how the org teaches that it's ok to lie or mislead for certain reasons. Many jw feel it is perfectly okay to use this if it will be for the person's ultimate benefit, no matter what the person's preferences are.

Marina

NeverKnew

Jonza...

It sounds like you attend church. For an eye-opener and to REALLY evaluate what you're getting into, I implore you... go to at least three meetings at a Kingdom Hall.

You HAVE to hear how they speak of us as non-jws. Forget the apostate stuff... Jonza, they are told to hate/distrust ANYbody who is not a JW. I promise you. You will hear the insults fly and you WILL feel like you've been punched in the gut several times. These aren't nice meetings. The most frightening aspect for me was listening to those in the audience around me in total agreement with the speaker. Sermons on unconditional love are foreign to her.

Once you hear what she hears, you'll have a better idea of what to discuss with her.

Fernando

As others have said there is a lot to weigh up.

Humans and relationships are complex.

Building a secure relationship is a process.

Given your orientation, the most secure relationship with your GF it seems to me will be built on "unity in Christ" (the gospel) instead of "unity in doctrine" (religion).

I wonder if your GF would be willing for both of you to patiently explore the liberating (unabridged) gospel (according to Paul) in her own publications?

DF or not, if she remains a captive of the Watchtower/religion, your relationship will never be secure, and your children will be highly vulnerable.

PM me if you'd like a 1-page summary of the gospel in their publications.

Yes, it can be found in their publications, albeit in fragments.

Tellingly though, the gospel is not in their hearts nor on their lips.

Blessings

Fernando

South East Queensland, Australia

sarahsmile

Why would anyone become so involved emotionally with a JW? If they are not a JW?

Anyhow, lots of @uck with your young GF.

scary21

Will she read Ray's two books ?.....That should not be to much to ask, right ?

NeverKnew

Sarah,

Why would anyone become so involved emotionally with a JW? If they are not a JW?

I, as a non-JW, can say that it's because of our frame. In that which we know, there's an acceptance of interfaith relationships and other perspectives. That's why I'm suggesting that he attend a couple of your services. He will CRINGE when he hears the things that are said for the words and constructs of a superior denomination are foreign to us.

Non JWs have no idea... if they did, the reception at some doors would go a whole heck of a lot differently.

Involved with a JW woman

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