by punkofnice 103 Replies latest jw friends
BOtR - Thanks friend. I appreciate your thoughts. Doctors seem a last resort here in my neck of the woods.
Really - You are right about exercise I really should. this is what my GF says too. Now it's better weather I shouuld do more ay.
Nugget - Thanks. My GF is the most wonderful gal there is.
I have days like that too.
Fortunately they pass.
Life is so weird.
One of the things that keeps me going is the stubborn refusal to let the WT win be giving in and giving up.
Somedays moving forward with my head high and my chin up is the best FUCK YOU to the cult!
Then I feel good again.
Enjoy a good meal, have a drink. Make love to your girlfriend. Change the mental scenery.
PunkofNice - "Why do I bother to wake up in the morning?"
Short answer: because I have to pee and my cat is desperately hungry (seriously, if you have problems waking up get yourself a cat or a dog, they WILL make you jump out of bed and their bidding. Incredible )
Serious answer:
For the joy of being. Just that. I know, sounds cheesy and "spiritual" (I am an atheist and enjoy the idea that there is no god, just pure chance & surprise), but it is not. Last year I was in a very bad shape, suicidal thoughts constantly crossing my mind, even with my beautiful and fantastic GF by my side. I had reasons enough (feeling sick, being unemployed - in Europe and in a terrible bankruptcy case, my business partner stole several thousand Euros from me and fled, and the shunning from all my family), but this year I started to focus only on the present moment. You only have to "endure" this present second. Nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you are imagining about the future will NOT happen in the fashion you imagine. Most probably (since Life is dull ;-) it will pan out less dramatic than you think. It is always like that. It doesn't matter how all this pans out, you only have to live the present moment, which is very, very short. If you think about it, time stops making any sense.
Focus on the present moment, the past exists only as a thought structure in your head, the future: the same. Serve yourself a cup of tea (I know you Brits like tea ;-) in the most focused manner possible - see the color of the tea, enjoy the smell and really taste it. Nothing else matters and nothing else exists during that moment. Accept it "as is". Whatever "shit" comes your way: accept it, even boldly embrace it. Let it come, baby, you are strong enough because you only live those moments in very, very small slices of "now" moments. Very easy my friend.
I am in Europe too and sometimes you can get a cheap flight with Ryanair (heck I took a flight to Italy for 10 Euros last year). Come to the financially broken south of Europe - but beautiful and very sunny this time of the year. A change of air is good. Let me know (by PM) if you need any ideas/help for your trip.
PS: I love your posts, your wit and sharp comments. Stay longer, you always have time to die. Now, that you won the "Life lottery" and are here, Life it up with a bang, you will die anyway, so, why not make the best in the time being? Drink, eat, fuck, smoke, laugh, read a good book, ...or just sit in the sun and tell the Universe to fuck off, that you don't care about debt, age or pig-cops.
Big hug!!!!
PSPS: “I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats.” (Eckhart Tolle). How true....mine is right now sleeping in my arms and lives like a Goddess!
Oubli - That's a great way to stiff the WBT$. They want us dead don't they because they can no longer have our money.
Blue - You got it! A good book ay? Hmmmmmm. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand?
Life seems to be crap for a lot of people I know right now too.
Right now I am reading Pirate Latitudes by Michael Crichton (light novel about a Pirate ship). I like to read and then check things out in a museum. Britain has great history and museums too. Since I like to read several books at the same time, I am also reading Medici Money (by Tim Parks) a more historical book about the crazy, crazy Renaissance. Italians always liked to create debt and go out in a bang - this has been going on for 500 years (or more)
If you read history books you will see that things that where ooooohhhh, sooooooo important (Draaaaama), now, looking back really didn't matter. What mattered most is if the protagonists where enjoying themselves. In a few months, years, decades you will look back and whatever troubles you now is a tiny blip on the radar (you might not even remember it).
Let us know how you are doing.
Blue - Thanks friend. I will continue to document myself here
BluePill2, really good advice.
Punky, Ryanair, cheap flights to Girona for Costa Brava and Majorca. A cheap holiday cottage website is Stilwells/cottages for you.really cheap last minute cottages.
I know what you mean when you have no money though. Times is hard, everything costing more.
Have you thought about getting/borrowing a tent and doing some camping?? I used love that. Take a disposable bbq, few tinnies and a sleeping bag. Lots of nice places in driving distance, doesn't have to be far away or for too long. Just a change of scene.
And if you find yourselves passing my way, please visit.
Love to all of you.
I wake up in the morning with the knowledge that Jehovah God will redeem his people on 13 September-23 September 2015 how do I know? The new world order has deliberately warned us through illuminati music of January-February 1981 watch the Jackson 5 song Can You Feel it - it ends with a solar eclipse (13 September 2015) Rapture by Blondie January 1981
When did the new world order begin - with Obama his presidential campaign Queen (Daughter of Babylon) first single Seven Seas of Rhye then we had the demonic song Anarchy in the UK ( August 2011 the week of riots) which was. December 76 song but what convinced me that its not only demonic powers that use music but also Jehovah
I looked at the songs when I was born Dec 79 -With you I'm Born Again and I'm Born Again
When my brother was born a song came out called brother
When my parents were married Solomon King - She wears my ring and she does my mother wears 2 gold rings one hers the other my dads
And when people at my care home and people in the village died their songs to reflect their character were 12644 days ago in the charts
If the time of the worlds testing is 2520 days long then in music terms its 30 January 81-25december 1987 or 13 September 2015 - 7 August 2022 The Jewish new year to the 10th Av which is always regarded as a bad day for the jews
Another way of looking at it from 7 June 67 Jerusalem won the 6 day war to 23 September 2015 Yom Kippur is exactly 7 times 2520 days or 7 weeks of years and the 49th year or the year that the land should rest before the jubilee 50th year
So 533 days to go....
punk, you said: Yes, I'm an atheist but wish there was a god. I miss the church and the hope I had but it isn't real to me.
i spent a few years with knots in my stomach and battled depression over losing that "false hope", almost wishing I never discovered the lie I was living.
but as I have embraced my atheism, and my part in the universe, I now feel more connected to the universe and everything in it than I ever have.
I don't want to die, but I do not fear death. My life is what I make it. I give no credit or pass any blame. People aren't out to "get me", they are out for themselves. Why do I deserve any less? I am out for me and my family and MY happiness.
Life is what we make it. we have to find our own meaning. If life gets to the point where the path your taking seems hopeless, then END IT! no NOT suicide, end the way you've been doing things. If you have to sell everything you own and become a monk then DO IT!
if you decide to take a round-the-world trip with a tour group for a year or two then DO IT!
Any choice you make is better than wanting to end your life or living a life of unhappiness.
as Zig Ziglar used to say: "if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep gettin' what you've been gettin'"
chin up my friend, many of us (myself included) have felt as you do now. It will get better. Make your own purpose, whatever you discover that to be.
woj
This time after I couldn't believe there is a God has been in the winter. that's a drag.
But I miss talking to him. I used to organize my anxieties and then--no matter how it came out, I always knew it was "God's will" and it was good enough for me.
It is strange now. I have a sort of paralysis of will that--maybe is because I am 61 and am kicking/have kicked cancer. Maybe is because my life in the rurals with my aged hubby (81 years old) has become more restricted and that is making me feel anxious. Maybe because i listen to the news. maybe because I am on this site too much.
Maybe I have a glandular issue. HAHAHAHA!!!
Sometimes I have trouble taking my depression seriously!
I do love people and I do love the earth and life. It does seem hard right now to feel happy. Maybe we just need more SUNLIGHT!
But...things change. and they should for you, too, Punky. as I hope they do for me.
I'm celtic and dark sometimes-- loosing god has been hard. so I don't have anything to say that others haven't said already. Just hang in there, Punky, I enjoy your company around this place. Or--if you bail out of here for your mental health, let us know you're having a good time out and about in the world.
and, if you find a new remedy for recovering from a life of believing there was a kind listening ear in the blue sky, let me know.
O---and I challenge you to do a graphic novel(remembering a thread you mention a thought on that line)--I am starting one myself..HaHa--Outing myself, here. i have to make myself do something....
there are sources to help you do that, did you know?
oops----I'm rambling
