FORGIVENESS ... You owe it to your health

by ABibleStudent 75 Replies latest social physical

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  lisaBObeesa

  

  "Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

  Somehow when I read this quote something finally clicked with me.

  I can do that. I can accept the apology I never got.

  I'm so glad I finally did.

  It took about 20 years to get here, to this space, where I could read that quote, and finally let it go. I feel bad for them. I'm not angry anymore. finally. Best of all, I love them again. Even though we are far apart, and even though they keep on doing what they do (and it keeps on hurting me).

  20 years is too long to be so upset, so angry, so rightous, so...better than.

  I'm no better than them.

  It's over. It is what it is. everybody is only doing what they think is right.

  I accept the apology they will never give me.
• 

  myelaine

  Those are strong and beautiful sentiments, lisaB

  xoxo
• 

  Phizzy

  Thanks for the Thread ABS, there is some good advice there. I found that my anger at the WT, and at my parents for dragging me up in it, soon subsided. It took a couple of years I suppose, after I walked away.

  I retain some easily summonable anger at the WT's refusal to care for victims of abuse, and for their refusal to put in place proper systems to minimise the chances of it occurring to more poor vulnerable ones.

  There is simply no excuse available for the WT/JW Org, and forgiveness, of any sort and however you define it, is not called for in this aspect of their despicable behaviour.
• 

  stillin

  I learned long ago not to hold my breath until a stupid person apologists. I would have died long ago.

  i like this:

  not forgiving and holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person gets sick
• 

  Zoos

  I have kind of an odd relationship with forgiveness. It seems I'm only capable of forgiving someone if I can move that individual into a place in my mind where he/she never had any real value to me in the first place.

  That's easily accomplished when I think of some of the poop dished to me by a couple of elders. They really never held any value in my life and so forgiving them is reasonably effortless. If they were to walk up to me today with even the slightest humility, I could shake their hand in a second.

  Harder is the family. Given my tumultuous past with them - condemned for being gay - it is possible for me to move those people into a place where they never held any real value in my life, thus easier to forgive. But sometimes they leak into the crevasses of my mind where I store the valuable things. That's when it starts to hurt again and I find myself unable to forgive.

  I hope to step off this roller-coaster someday.
• 

  KateWild

  I am a naturally forgiving and trusting person. I don't hold grudges and move on quickly from disagreements. But this has ended in more heartache in some cases, because I trust people again after they have hurt me. I need to be less trusting. I need to separate forgiveness and trust.

  Kate xx
• 

  Gentledawn

  I am a naturally forgiving and trusting person. I don't hold grudges and move on quickly from disagreements. But this has ended in more heartache in some cases, because I trust people again after they have hurt me. I need to be less trusting. I need to separate forgiveness and trust.

  ^This.

  Unfortunately, a member of my family is a textbook sociopath. How anyone can live like that is beyond me, but it's a learning experience to say the least. You cannot make the mistake of ever trusting the person to be legit with their affections, empathy or loyalties. Zero.

  It is perfectly natural to expect basic goodness and human decency from fellow humans, but that doesn't mean we must blank out our memories as to what some people are perfectly capable of doing (a small list of what this person did in the past):

  - sleeping with brother-in-laws (including my boyfriend at one point)

  - dangling their own infant son off the side of a bridge

  - lying, cheating, coaxing information from people, only to distort it and spread it as half truth rumors later on. Try weeding your way through that, only to have people believe the made up shit anyway!

  - ever apologizing (if caught) but never adjusting behavior if he/she can get away with it next time

  And on and on it goes.

  ------------------------------

  Watchtower deserves zero forgiveness in my book. The poor zombies who recruited me into JW-dom have my forgiveness, because they'd been bitten first and did not have their faculties fully functional at the time.
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  label licker

  Wow! There are so many ways to look at this and here is just one of those examples that happened to us in town yesterday. We were stopped at the lights sitting next to one of my accusers husband. The one who finally go df'd after two years of the elders covering and hiding things he was doing. His window was down and so many levels of anger was going through my head on account of the elders and him smashing in his wife's car by hand drunk, and waving a loaded gun at his wife and father. Yet he was always getting away with things. His whole family were my accusers. None of them had a story that stuck. Two months later one of them was made an elder.

  So what did I say to him? How are you and to go on JWFacts. I was trying to help him After he told us that he hand delivered a letter of complaints to the co on Friday and had the cops who followed him in to the back of the hall where the co lives. It always comes back to bite this cult in the ass. Afterwards, I realised it felt so good to be able to try and get him to feel better since it's been the cult that messed him and his family up. Then I thought of these slimy elders and wonder what they would be like had it not been for the training they recieved from this slimey cult. I guess it's the slimey cult that is going to be the sore spot for the rest of my life that I can not or will not forgive. That will be the thorn in my side that I will have to work hard at to trying and removing it. Good topic!
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  Band on the Run

  Great movements in history were sustained by anger. Being angry at injustice is a feeling that should be encouraged. As long as you are aware of being angry and can control your actions, anger is good. The United States would never have formed without anger. Slavery would still exist as anger. Anger can lead you to establish boundaries with the Witnesses. This anger is bad is crazy. Controlled and focused anger are great resources. Medical advances have happened b/c of anger over needless death and suffering.

  Anger can propel you out of a cult. There is every reason to be angry with the Witnesses. I feel it is silly for anger to be bad. It is a human emotion that allows us to survive. Jesus was angry. Killing innocent people in anger is not good. I feel evolution or God gave us this emotional repertoire. Too many Christian feel that being saccharine nice is a good thing.

  No, anger has played a great role in human society. It must be channeled. People should become angrier at social injustice. Anger can fuel you to respond effectively. IMO.
• 

  Magnum

  I agree with Band on the Run. I believe that too much of a readiness to forgive leads to being passive. Passive people don't accomplish much. They don't right wrongs. They don't conquer injustice. They don't conquer evil. I believe that those who have that "kumbaya", hippy, peace and love mentality are naive and will be conquered. See how ready the org is to forgive you if you dare use your brain and question anything it says or does. It can question and nitpick you and you're supposed to passively accept it with gratitude. But dare you question or challenge it.

  Great movements in history were sustained by anger. Being angry at injustice is a feeling that should be encouraged. As long as you are aware of being angry and can control your actions, anger is good. The United States would never have formed without anger.

  Amen!

  Anger can propel you out of a cult. There is every reason to be angry with the Witnesses. I feel it is silly for anger to be bad. It is a human emotion that allows us to survive. Jesus was angry. Killing innocent people in anger is not good. I feel evolution or God gave us this emotional repertoire. Too many Christian feel that being saccharine nice is a good thing.

  Amen!

  No, anger has played a great role in human society. It must be channeled. People should become angrier at social injustice. Anger can fuel you to respond effectively

  and Amen!!!