I want to communicate better, and would appreciate your help. (page 11)

Laika

I thought Kate came across quite well in the PMs.

Viviane

That's certainly one way to look at it. Another would be Kate:

- Admitting she was antagonizing me

- Admitting she was making things up about me

- Lying and claiming I said things I never did

- Claiming to be the victim and later saying she was bullet proof and nothing could touch her

- Sending me a PM with what she incorrectly thinks are personal details that she has either made up or researched, presumably as some form of threat. It certainly wasn't for polite reasons.

MissFit

I agree with Kate: opinions are different than making things up. Kate: my suggestion is to qualify your statements with imo ( in my opinion)

Vivian it seems to me (in my opinion) that you are doing to Kate what you are accusing her doing to you.

You are assuming motives to her . She admitted to assuming motives according to your definition of making things up.

She already explained to you that she sees things in black and white. She takes what she reads literally and tries to make sense of it.

In my opinion it seems like you have this need to be completely in the right.

I must say personally I have found your posts to be on the rude side. You do not seem able to take criticism but are very good at dishing it out.

Now you can accuse me of making things up about you.

As for Kate letting you know what she thinks she knows about you, she did that privately.

KATE: please just ignore people who are judgemental and unwilling to give you the benefit of the doubt.

In my opinion I think you are a very loving person without a malicious bone in your body.

I have read your posts to others and found them very caring and balanced.

Please don't let a judgemental (imo) minority chase you away .

I appreciate you and your viewpoints.

Miss. Fit putting her two cents in with only her opinion and not making stuff up.

Laika

I read it as Kate conceding to your demands so she could reconcile with you. Very forgiving of her, really.

Viviane

Vivian it seems to me (in my opinion) that you are doing to Kate what you are accusing her doing to you.

You are assuming motives to her . She admitted to assuming motives according to your definition of making things up.

Kate stated those things as fact. I have been clear that I was presuming. Apples and oranges.

In my opinion it seems like you have this need to be completely in the right.

Your opinion is incorrect. I have admitted error several times on this forum and apologized in the posted PMs. I would question how you arrive at this opinion.

I must say personally I have found your posts to be on the rude side. You do not seem able to take criticism but are very good at dishing it out.

Criticism is not at all the same as making things up and saying they are true. Again, you are not comparing equivalent things.

Now you can accuse me of making things up about you.

Why would I do that? You didn't do that. You did try to claim equivalence between things that aren't at all equivalent, but I wonder why you would assume I made things up.

As for Kate letting you know what she thinks she knows about you, she did that privately.

Except for all the posts previous to the PMs where she made all of that stuff up and posted it as fact in public.

KATE: please just ignore people who are judgemental and unwilling to give you the benefit of the doubt.

In my opinion I think you are a very loving person without a malicious bone in your body.

Kate was told how incorrect she was multiple times, her first post to me was full of made up stuff, she continued to post made up things even after she was told she was wrong and asked to stop and admitted she was antagonizing me to reveal personal details.

That's malicious and dishonest. Pretending to a victim doesn't change any of that.

Viviane

I read it as Kate conceding to your demands so she could reconcile with you. Very forgiving of her, really.

She absolutely should have conceded to my demands. She was making up lies about me and posting them as fact. It's the opposite of forgiving, it's simply stopping bad behavior she should never have engaged in.

Imagine how you would feel if I started saying you were full of anger and hate and acting cult-like and torn up inside, without knowing a thing about you going around telling people that. All I ever asked was that she NOT make up stuff about me.

MissFit

Laika: I totally agree. I think Vivian mischaracterized Kates responses.

(In my opinion so I am not accused of making stuff up.)

Viviane

Laika: I totally agree. I think Vivian mischaracterized Kates responses.

(In my opinion so I am not accused of making stuff up.)

Oh, please stop. The evidence is clear. She made stuff up and was trying to antagonize me. Enough with the false humility.

My point is made. The evidence is clear. I don't with Kate and with this thread. Enjoy hating on me because I took issue with being lied about. (BTW, opinions can still be entirely made up. Prefacing lies with "in my opinion" doesn't make them less of a lie if they are, that's just an attempt to pretend a lie isn't one. Of course, I am not accusing you of this. You simply happen to be wrong in this case.)

MissFit

How can an opinion be a lie ? An opinion is not fact . If I make a statement without qualifying it as an opinion it could be mistaken as fact then I could be accused of making things up.

I have seen many posters here immediately jump in and accuse a new poster of being a troll.

So I understand your point about not wanting others to characterize a poster or put words in your mouth.

But I think it goes both ways.

You might be used to saying exactly what you mean without any subtext, but many of us are not used to that.

I had a similar conversation with my hubby when we were first married.

He would make a statement and I would react acording to what I thought he meant.

He would tell me that I was reading things into his words he did not even intend or was thinking.

I also had to make sure with him that I said what I meant because he would take me at my word.

My boss on the other hand is the complete opposite so I had trouble communicating with him because I had to guess the subtext. And he puts words in my mouth that I did not say or mean.

So I can understand how someone can be sensitive to others assuming a motive that is not there.

Miss. Fit

KateWild

Wow two pages and lots of PMs while we have been having fun playing games in the real world. Now back to my electronic friends. Thank you all for contributing on this thread I will try and get back to you as soon as possible.

I am off to read all my PMs, if you sent me one thanks very much. I will reply to them first.

Kate xx

I want to communicate better, and would appreciate your help.

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