I'm afraid I'd be single for life (page 3)

ingimar

Don't give up on eharmony just because they didn't have a match for you immediately. It is good that they are selective. I met my second husband on there 9 years ago. Please don't list your religion as Christian if you are a JW as my husband did and be darned sure that you will never go back as this is not fare to your future husband. My husband decided to return to the fold a year and a half ago and it did not sit well with me at all. Thank goodness he chose me over the religion when I gave him the option.

free2beme

Relationships are overrated, but sex is awesome!

Band on the Run

I.feel sad that women still face the horrific fear of being a spinster. Whether you are happy is more important thsn a legal piece of papet. I wi never support a jw male. It id not only thr doctrine but thr world view t found that men are attracted. to warm, brainy. Living an active life.

Fernando

ohnightdivine, what a beautiful and hope filled screen name, which I am sure is the direction you are headed, and is the future which awaits you.

You may have to cut yourself some slack along the way though. It is a marathon, not a sprint. Meaning that it is a process, not an event.

I'm sure many reading your post can relate and are touched and would love to help, support and encourage as best they can.

Waking up to TTATT is a process, with distinct phases.

So what you are going through is "normal" under the circumstances.

Many have been down this road.

It can only get better - as long as you progress through each phase of the process and do not get stuck.

Look for and accept help.

From non-JW family, friends and professionals.

A genuinely good Psychologist can be worth far more than their fee.

It is important that you have a plan to gradually resolve the conflict between your behaviour (membership of a controlling and deceptive cult) and your beliefs. Humans are hardwired in such a way that we become ill and dysfunctional when our behaviour and beliefs are not aligned. Psychologists call this Cognitive Dissonance. And it is very serious.

One imagines if you proactively clarify and consolidate your beliefs, that it will become easier to modify your behaviour. It was the case for our family, who managed to exit intact and on very solid ground mid-2009.

Our family has found a lot of power, peace, freedom and healing through a focussed pursuit of the liberating gospel of grace (whilst rejecting toxic religious legalism and moralism).

If we can support in any way please feel free to send a PM.

Greetings and blessings

Fernando

South East Queensland, Australia

Fernando

Meetup.com can be a great place to locate people with similar interests who live near you.

The more normal people you interact with outside the cult, the less you will fear loss of community, friendship and companionship.

After time in the Watchtower we all need to heal and develop socially. It is crucial for mental health.

It can be hard work, especially initially.

But it is definitely worth it.

You'll be shocked how many good and decent people can be found outside the confines of the pernicious, supremacist and self-congratulatory Watchtower organisation.

snare&racket

don't get caught up into the no sense that marriage is essential. Meet the right guy and see how things go. Are you making an effort to even meet guys? If not then how do you expect it to happen?

Disney and Watchtower were spewing fiction, it doesn't just happen when it's supposed to.

You have dodged a huge bullet. Thank your lucky stars you are not unhappily married to a JW male.

We get one life and one chance of being happy with it. Think about what you want out of life, I mean that seriously.,Think about what you want exactly, then make som eplans about how to get it....then simoky get it.

I look at the JW's I knew and by far the majority of married people were unhappy with unhealthy marriages. Drinking, violence, inequality and disrespect seems the norm in JW marriages/families with a thin veil of pretense hung over a shambles.

First get over the idea that you have missed the boat or missed out. You have dodged a bullet!

Next recognise you are damnn young and damn fortunate to be out of the cult young enough to start a fresh. How many ?jw's in their 70's + do we all kmow NEVER getting those years lost back!

As people have said....be proactive.

I left the JW's around age 24, by 26 I was back in education and deep in it too. I have only just finished my degree aged 33 and though I am happy with where I am in my life and where I plan to go in the future, I am well aware I need to focus on finding a Mrs Snare & Racket now. The JW pains have long ceased and the confusions of leaving the cult dissipated, Iam ready to start life at the age 33.

It may not be as easy as it was to have a JW marriage of conveniance, but it isn't that hard......everyone does it ;) x

ohnightdivine

Wow, never thought there'd be a lot of responses to what I wrote.

I'm having a little break time from work and I can't help but smile, feeling positive energy from all of you. :)

The society I grew up in is quite conservative and more family-centric (among my siblings, I'm the only one living alone) compared to western countries, hence this lingering doubt and fear.

However, as most of you have said, I am fortunate to be out (at least, mentally for now) without getting married to a JW. I need to work on my self-esteem issues. I'm quite the confident-type at work but hate myself over my physical attributes (weight).

Anyway, thanks a lot for all the cheer! Looking forward to better days..

sarahsmile

I think you will have days like this.

Honestly,I would rather get hit by a train then get married!

Years ago in my early forties, after getting reinstated the JWs placed me with a few single ladies at the hall. A whole freakin role! They never talked with me or did anything with me. Just watched me! Marked!

Good God Almighty! I had years of enjoying the company of friendship with men all went away! I was left with a seat with a bunch of ladies who did not get asked to date. No men approached them! They had few male friends which were not marriage material.

Out side the JWs, I dated all the time so it was a shock. I suppose it was another reason to get out! Congratulations.

Guys have certain clues they look for in single women. Getting on dating sites help. Anyhow you need to start flirting every place you go just to practice.

Honestly it is a lot of fun flirting when I am in the mood but getting married,no way.

skeeter1

I had similar problems to you.

I had to figure out that I was a catch too. I bet you have a lot of good qualities. Write them down, and look at them periodically.

Realize that the men (and some women) in the WTS are likely loony tunes pretending to be good people. I think alot of JWs come into the religion from an abusive or neglected past. They get no real pyschological help. The pressures inside the religion to be conforming, mkae even the sanest nutty.. And, it makes many really off. Remember, the JWs have a high incident of mental illness. I have a sibling in the "Troof" who told me that she wouldn't marry any man in the "Troof". Some elder had his wife mysteriously die on a cruise ship, and then married another sister a few weeks later. I remember many of the "good men" beat their wives, or were just cocky bastards at least. Realize, that the pier you've been fishing off of had alot of stinky fish full of bones.

Realize that outside the JWs, are alot of mentally balanced people. Yes, there are loony's too. But, there are alot of smart, witty, independently thinking "worldly" people.

Look at the people who are around you. Note the ones who are happily married for a long time. Put snapshots of them into your mind.

Get outside and find a hobby. There might be some men for you to meet there.

Meeting and dating men (or women) is a journey, and not always a destination. You may have to go to thousands of dinners to find the right guy. Enjoy the dinners and dates out. Don't get hooked into that the (first or second) man is going to be your next husband. I think most JWs are really trained well to not date, but just say "I DO" far too soon.

Skeeter (happily married for 20 years). I don't know anything about on-line dating.

stuckinarut2

Dont just settle for anyone...

Better to be lonely than miserable and trapped in a relationship that goes bad....

I'm afraid I'd be single for life

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