Yeah and that comment about relationships being over rated? Only bad ones, you know?
I'm afraid I'd be single for life
by ohnightdivine 65 Replies latest social relationships
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bigmac
ive been married 3 times--ive been half a couple most of my adult life.
wife#1---is a born-in. i was 20 when we married----in order for us to be able to have sex. we had 3 kids--and divorced after 13 years. she lives nearby--but have no contact.
wife#2----was never a dub--not interested--in fact--hostile to the cult. we married when i was 36--and had 24 years together--good times and bad. she died 7 years ago.
wife#3---i married on the rebound--a year later. but i soon discovered most of what she told me about herself was lies---pure invention. i lost all trust in her--and the marriage failed.
i'm now engaged to wife-to-be #4. she is a delightful philipina lady i met here in the UK 2 &1/2 years ago. shes back in the philis now--awaiting her marriage annulment. if all goes to plan--i hope to have her with me within the next year.
i really dont like being single--gets lonely at times. i'm not one for visiting pubs ( bars ) on my own--so spend too much time on the internet--on sites like this.
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Fernando
bigmac it sounds like you have enough adventures to write a book whilst you wait for your new lady's return.
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bigmac
bigmac it sounds like you have enough adventures to write a book whilst you wait for your new lady's return.
@ Fernando---ha ha---well--i have used the chat-up line--"i'm writing a book about my sexual adventures-----would you like to be in the next chapter ?"
i have the feeling i will never go to heaven.
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Iamallcool
ohnightdivine, lie to some questions on E Harmony, your matches will never need to know unless you want to tell him.
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forest heathen
Ohnightdivine,
Being happily married, I used to feel for some lovely sisters in my congregation. There were three in paticular, all in their 30s. They were pretty, intelligent, pioneers, and hardworking (supporting themselves). Two of them had come from the "world" into the truth (in other words, probably not virgins).
The available "brothers" didn't give them a second glance.
Why? They dressed very modestly, were set in their ways, and had no connections. There was one "brother" in his late 30s who dated the 17 year old daughter of a MS (he flat out told my husband he wanted a virgin). Most of the others chased after the "corridor cuties" during the assemblies and conventions.
It used to disgust me how these guys overlooked some very nice women because they wanted a younger, thinner, prettier bride.
One of these pioneers finally gave up and began dating "outside" (good for her!). Though I knew (at the time) I should have been "shocked" over this, I couldn't help but not blame her.
May I suggest what I told my sister before she remarried after a bad divorce?
Take time for yourself. Find your passion in life. Take time to get to know who you are, what you want, and start doing things that make you feel good about who you are. She wasn't my favorite singer, but I love the lyrics to Whitney Houston's song "Greatest Love of All". Find out who you are inside and learn to love yourself.
Then go out into the world and get involved with it. Go for walks and get to know your neighbors. Take classes, meet people. Volunteer, meet people. Get online, meet people. Go to the gym, meet people. Go to bookstores, food co-ops, coffee shops and MEET PEOPLE.
One of my sisters married in her 30s. She met her husband on MySpace/Facebook (they had both) about seven years ago. My other sister met her new husband at work when she was in her 40s. I have another friend (ex JW) that just moved in with her boyfriend, she met him at work too.
Just get busy living and you will find someone.
Wishing you the best and every happiness.
~ Forest Heathen
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LongHairGal
onightdivine:
There are a lot of good posts here with good advice.
Don't panic and think "oh my god, the clock is ticking!!" and grab the first man that looks your way. Let me tell you that too many women in the JW religion do just that. I wanted to puke at what some sisters grabbed just so that they wouldn't be single!... I'd have to be drugged to sleep with them.
However, as we all know, the dating pool of available (i.e. desirable) men in the religion is a joke and you really do have to look outside if you want to get married and are over 30 and have a brain. I don't care how good-looking you are, if you are over 30, the pickings in the religion are pathetic or non-existent and they'll be intimidated if you are smart or have a good job.
Just remember one thing: there is nothing wrong with you. And, there is nothing worse than some brother (who has nothing going for him) making stupid remarks designed to "put you down". Don't even talk to anybody like this and don't spend time in their car group either.
Don't listen to the religion talking when it says "not to marry outside the religion". They HATE when a single woman gets married. Then they know they can no longer go up to her to ask for favors. There is one less drudge around to do favors. That's all they care about.
I never followed in the footsteps of other single women in the religion who allowed themselves to be targeted and I ran from all the users. These poor women hardly got invited anywhere but they had messages from people looking for rides, etc..... Look out for Number One, honey, because these people aren't looking out for you.
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daringhart13
I wrote an article on this very subject. JW women are totally destroyed in this cult
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ohnightdivine
Thanks again for all your warm and wonderful comments.
I am posting here again because one of the younger elders is now sending me messages asking how I am doing...
But you see, I've liked him for many years now. :(
Aside from TTaTT, one of the reasons that is sustaining me from going back to the meetings is to avoid the guy. Because when I see him, my fondness for him just keeps growing.
He is a very intelligent (have worked with him before), kind, and has that charm I cannot forget after all these years. My heart is quite torn. I haven't told him I liked him. But I want to see him.
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Apognophos
ond, I can understand your feelings. There's a lot of young single sisters in my congregation who are quite beautiful and also seem to be genuine and nice. For a believing Witness, they are fantastic marriage material. I sometimes have to remind myself that, while they may be good people, they have a serious condition.
It's like if you are attracted to someone, but you find out that they have a mental illness that they are not taking care of. If they recognized that they had a problem and were getting treated for it, you could say, "I will absolutely accept the bad with the good, after all, they have to accept my problems too." But this is a problem that isn't getting treated: that they are living in an alternate reality that looks very much like ours but has entirely different things bubbling below the surface. Different values, different causes and effects as far as why this world is the way it is and what the future is going to bring.
Just remind yourself that (a) if you got to know him better, you might find out he's not at all what you've idealized him to be, and (b) there are always plenty of fish in the ocean. Once you get clear of the org. and are meeting new people, you'll realize that every man the religion had to offer you was damaged goods -- no smarter or better-looking than the guys on the outside, but with a whole added layer of mental inhibitions and complexes that you don't have to deal with in a person with a healthy belief system.
