I'm afraid I'd be single for life (page 5)

ohnightdivine

That is true, Apognophos.

On the other hand I try to think that he is looking at me as spiritually weak, and never a good marriage material.

When I was still in I noticed that very often young women who were attractive, accomplished, had some education and/or a career, would often be single well into their thirties, while young girls fresh out of high school would be married in a few years. I think that this is due to two things. One, these more accomplished women were more particular about the men they were interested in. Two, many men in the organization like to feel they are "the head of the house", they feel threatened by a strong woman and would rather have an innocent wife they think they can dominate.

It's a sexist organization after all. No matter how nice the guy, they are being influenced by the religion to think they are your spiritual head. I wouldn't marry a JW if he was the last man on earth.

Apognophos

On the other hand I try to think that he is looking at me as spiritually weak, and never a good marriage material.

Well, that is probably true, too, but hopefully you aren't taking that point of view in and letting it inform your self-image. Always remember, he's the one with the problem, not you. I've known some likeable, earnest brothers over the years, but their fear of examining their own belief system is what propagates the tragedy of the religion -- all the wasted hours, the dangerous doctrines, the mental maladies caused by suppression of natural desires, etc.

sowhatnow

how depressing all these single people, now I know why people stay married to people they arent in love with,

so they arent lonely and homeless. your in your 30s you have tons of time, im in my early 50s im apparently out of time to find mr right.

ill be sleeping alone the rest of my life, and I AM married , 34 yrs, to a guy who obviously doesnt love me.

at least your young enough to be on the market for a husband, and not on the market to soon be a senior caretaker. lol.

Im prepared to kill myself before i have to be a caretaker for a crabby ass alchoholic.

Band on the Run

It is a reality for many JW women. The solution is not to be a JW woman. I suggest reading The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir. Also, you only need fine 1. You don't need fifty in reserve. I've seen JW Match sites. It does not help that men feel they must subjugate women. Marriages mean less time knocking on doors. The Jewish example floored me as I was exposed to it. Dating is highly favored within the culture. Children are important. Intelligence is valued. There are so many ways to meet men. Jewish groups hold mixers. You can even use a matchmaker.

rocketman

Forrest heathen wrote: "It used to disgust me how these guys overlooked some very nice women because they wanted a younger, thinner, prettier bride".

Men are pretty much genetically programmed to seek younger, prettier women. I'm often perplexed as to why men are blamed by women for seeking what they are essentially programmed to seek. We want them because WE find them attractive. Why should we be bound by what YOU think we should find attractive?

Now, I'm sure the 30-something sisters you are referring to are probably fine women, and perhaps quite attractive. But if a guy has a chance to date a girl who is younger and even prettier, well, he will likely do just that. It should not be news that men like women who are "younger, thinner" and "prettier". Men should not be condemned for wanting to follow through on what they naturally desire.

Apognophos

Putting the shoe on the other foot, I don't think most guys would benefit from accepting a society where the women seek out only the most attractive, fit guys that they can find. Of course this too is human nature; women date good-looking idiots/jerks all the time. We're simply not smart enough as a species to look at inner qualities and give them equal priority to outer qualities.

That being said, I do see an exception to this human trait within the religion, which is when good-looking sisters adopt a martyr/nun mentality and decide to marry a spiritually strong brother who they're not attracted to, expecting things to work out in the new system when he is made perfect (i.e., less funny-looking).

sowhatnow

wow rocketman, are you saying that women that are over, lets say, the age of say 50 are not attractive to men in their 50s? so

whats all this about women being called cougars? this puzzles me. younger men wanting older women older men wanting younger women.

quite franlkly Ill never understand why a younger person would want to marry a much older person , its like marrying your uncle our aunt, different generation, different abilities and mindset. if Im 25 I dont want a 45 yr old, who will get to be age 70 , when im in my prime.

and , Ive seen naked people, we all need to stay dressed. lol.

geeze if your and older guy and still want sex, there are many women the same age who want sex too. [its not like age has anything to do with sex]

note: older women often have more sex drive than the younger more active women, who are burdened with children fear of getting pregnant,and too much housework.

at age 52 and 54, my husband isnt even sleeping in the same room for the last year with me.

my husband doesnt know how good he could have it if he cared about me . Im only 120 pounds [at 5 ft 4] and apparently not too bad looking according to some people i know, yet, he just has no desire, the beer takes it away.

rememeber that when you date ladies. alchohol ruins the marraige bed. and then like me your stuck not getting the attention of the men who are your age!

LisaRose

I get that men are attracted to younger, thinner, prettier women, its the way you are wired. But does that mean you would not consider an attractive woman your own age? That seems shortsighted. There is more to marriage and sex than looks. I find the men who dump their first wives for a younger, prettier woman often end up with shallow, self centered gold diggers who only married them for their money. They also usually want to start a family, not all men want that at that age. Not really a recipe for happiness. The same goes for cougars.

I am 59 and I get my share of second looks from men my age, so I have a hard time believing that no man would find an older woman attractive. I married my husband when I was forty five, we have been happily married for 14 years, he still finds me attractive, holds my hand, takes me for romantic weekends and out to dinner. He appreciates the qualities a more mature woman has, I am a great cook, have many interests, I am comfortable with who I am, I can carry on am intelligent conversation about politics, books, movies and art. We are very compatible.

prologos

The drive to get married among witnesses is a strong one, sexual fulfillment only to be had in matrimony, or disfellowshipping. but

with men not really religiously inclined, ladies outnumber males, and men have the pick. Us men being visiually activated, the choices are pre-determined, look at the "model" models. one magazine vowed not to stop using underage girls' pictures in their composite displays.

Very good marriages exixt in the 50 plus range, so do friendships.

The problem is, older men need all the stimulation they can get, visiually. so where does that leave my the octogenerian?

Can I be blamed for not reponding to the needs of my fellow- but -females? can I be compelled to serve where the need is great?

I'm afraid I'd be single for life

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