Family dynamics and the Org.

LDH

I have made a couple of remarks regarding family dynamics on other threads, but I thought it's be nice to start a new thread...

I'm no psychologist, but suffice it to say I see some similarities here. (please add to/comment on these thoughts)

The organization wishes to be seen as our mother. Complete with dysfunction, if you disappoint your 'mother' you will be guilt tripped like there's no tomorrow. When children of devout JWs grow up, they are often so consumed with disappointing both sets of 'parents', they are never free to live their own lives.

I was talking to a sister at the hall i go to (sporadically, --just to keep an eye on everything, LOL) this weekend...she was telling me how important it is to do everything as a 'family'. This sister/brother have 3 children, early teens. I told her it was a fallacy, children need to have some level of independence in order to cultivate their own personalities.... Especially teens, whose personalities are often compromised by their parents desires.

I'll stop here before I ramble, but what are your thoughts?
Lisa

larc

Lisa,

I am curious as to how the sister reacted to your remarks. I would bet that she thought that you were spiritually weak at best, or even worse you were starting to sound like an apostate. First of all, you didn't agree with her, and of course we should be agreeable under all circumstances. It's called tact, you know. Second, you value independence, and independence in the Witness mind is a bad thing.

normie67

just my humble opinion, Her remarks are Politically Correct!!!!The mags always show families dressed up going bowling and picnics(never shorts lol)and things like that.That is how the org wants families to do things together.Thats the acceptable form of recreation.They never show the whole family huddled around the TV in all sorts of dress watching TV. So they stress Family Rec(its important don't get me wrong)and importance of being together!!No probs with that!But the ones that Gripe me are the SERVANTS families being 2 faced about it!! Ya know!!Kids are Kids!!They don't like to the activities as the mags protray them(Boys in Dockers and Girls in Dresses)!!!
Sorry to ramble but thats MHO!!!
normie

neyank

Hi Lisa,
I agree with you that as children get older they need room to cultivate their own personalities.
Especially as they get into the later teens.
I believe a parents job is to prepare their children for adulthood to the best of their ability.
Of course when they are young,I think it's important to do things as a family.
As far as the orginization being "Mother",that is exactly how the org, has portrade itself.
They want every JW to live up to "Mothers" expectations.
Just my opinion.
neyank

DriveslikeJehu

I told her it was a fallacy, children need to have some level of independence in order to cultivate their own personalities.... Especially teens, whose personalities are often compromised by their parents desires.

I noticed that too. My parents are pretty good about that. They've let me take road trips to visit some of my friends in other congs that were hours away, even spending the night. I'm one of the fortunate ones, though. But sometimes I wear Dockers, really.

normie67

DriveslikeJehu
Love your posts
Give you props in my bio down on the "Sex" forum
Lookin' forward to hearing from YA!!
normie

DriveslikeJehu

Thanks, Normie. I've been having to buckle down a bit for school, though. Midterms are coming up, so I won't be able to spend as much time here. But I'll try to come when I can.

LDH

Yeah, Larc, you're right. To the young people I'm a pariah, LOL, to the adults I'm Satan.

Neyank, You are SO RIGHT! I wish parents of all religions would STOP trying to live their lives vicariously through their children. DrivesLikeJehu only proves my point:

I noticed that too. My parents are pretty good about that. They've let me take road trips to visit some of my friends in other congs that were hours away, even spending the night. I'm one of the fortunate ones, though.

Notice, he's visiting his friends in other congs, even getting to spend the night! HELLO! They don't need to 'let' you; this is a normal part of growing up. I wish you had others to visit, though, except for other young JWs....Daddy and Mommy's control is an illusion that DLJ is submitting to at this point. DLJ, If you are in college, you shouldn't have to answer to your parents like you are a toddler!!!! They shouldn't be 'letting' you do anything! At this point, you should be almost totally independent of them with the exception of committing illegal or immoral acts while living in their home.

Sheesh!

somebody

Hi Lisa,

:The organization wishes to be seen as our mother. Complete with dysfunction, if you disappoint your 'mother' you will be guilt tripped like there's no tomorrow. When children of devout JWs grow up, they are often so consumed with disappointing both sets of 'parents', they are never free to live their own lives.

I agree! they do! and it's very hard to try to please "both sets" of parents even for JW adults, let alone the added burden of being a teen. And for older teens dating (like say 17 or 18), that leaves 3 sets of parents to please! How much can teens and young adults take?

:I was talking to a sister at the hall i go to (sporadically, --just to keep an eye on everything, LOL) this weekend...she was telling me how important it is to do everything as a 'family'. This sister/brother have 3 children, early teens. I told her it was a fallacy, children need to have some level of independence in order to cultivate their own personalities.... Especially teens, whose personalities are often compromised by their parents desires.

You hit the nail on the head again! :-) I agree that families should do things together, even if it's just watching a sitcom on tv, because if you've ever done that before, you all seem to add your own thoughts and comments in and you get to understand each other more. Especially for parents with kids or teens. If parents LISTEN to their children's/teens views, their views are usually the same as the parent's were when they were t he same age. That helps to let a parent ALLOW for their children to be themselves without being unreasonable with them, and making them feel guilty for their every REAL thought. And I really have to say that if you are the same person who used to post on a now defunct board, you were one of the most honest people on it.

and like larc already asked, what was the sister's response to you?

:I'll stop here before I ramble, but what are your thoughts?

ah come on...do ya have to? :-)

peace,
somebody

LDH

Oh sorry Somebody....Thought I answered...

Of course I was told how 'much' they need the 'guidance' of the parents....to which I responded "Yes but I beleive you will agree that guidance is different from decision making. Paul mentioned that through use our perceptive powers are trained. If you're not allowing your child to use their own thinking abilities and decision making abilities, you're really denying them the ability and the opportunity to become a whole and complete adult. You're really making all of their decisions for them.

It's better for them to learn good decision making abilities while they're young than wait for them to get out own their own and go buckwild, which is what most JW kids do, wouldn't you agree?"

(Mouths hanging open) because this is what has happened in every JW cong I have ever been associated with. All have been 'sanctioned' or somehow 'reprooved' with the exception of the children of certain elders (you know who you are--and your kids don't fool anyone except you) who 'sheltered' their children from the same judgement they meted out to other young people.

BTW, I'm the same Lisa Haynes.

Family dynamics and the Org.

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