That's it...... (page 2)

steve2

Time is on your side, friend. You still appear to be running on urgency mode. You could always go back if being looked after and told what to do are important to you. Or, little by little, you could take important steps to stsnd decisively on your own two feet. There is a struggle in life between the need to be consoled and the need to think for yourself. Take it easy and accept that for the short to mid-term future you'll feel all sorts of things - but the rewards of learning to direct your own life will make it worthwhile.

Daniel1555

You are not crazy or weird if you use professional help to deal with your jw past. Maybe this will help you to view your past in a healthy way.

You want to be "normal" or you wished you had a "normal" life. I can understand that and sometimes I also wish I didn't grow up as a jw.

But now as I look back, I accept my past. It made me stronger especially that I was able to follow my conscience instead of man made rules.

Not everything of my jw past was bad. In fact I had a very nice and loving childhood.

And I don't know if it's a good goal just to be "normal." Actually I believe everyone is special. You are "special." Everyone (also in your eyes "normal"people) have their own smaller or bigger problems, hurtful things in their past they have to deal with.

Try to accept your past as it is. It is past. If possible try to view it in the best possible way. And accept it. The present and future is important. You are courageous following your conscience and your heart.

Zoos

I've struggle in the friend-making department also. It's not an easy skill to learn later in life. But I HAVE, finally, made a small handful of friends and they are valued. It takes time. It takes going through the anger and coming out better on the other side.

DON'T GIVE UP!

defender of truth

Having looked at some of your vids on Youtube, you seem like a nice, normal guy to me.
..

http://m.youtube.com/user/whathehadas/videos

..
Being in an organisation that constantly tells you that you're nothing without them, not to mention all the backstabbing and gossiping, can leave you feeling hollow and empty as a person.
Just talking to a co-worker with no idea what you've been through, and no training in any potential anxiety or self-esteem issues, probably won't help much in the long run.
A therapist will have that training, and they won't make you feel weird at all.
Compared to the severely disturbed people they no doubt deal with at times, you'd just be another run-of-the-mill person.
They will probably be like ' why does this guy think he has something wrong with him? He seems like a really cool dude.' ;)

Seriously, I have a lot of issues myself, and if I had the freedom to pour it all out to a therapist, I'd jump at the chance.. Can't really, family has no idea of my mental issues and I'm stuck at home with a wacky family that thinks Satan ruins people's holiday reservations and Jehovah stops it raining so we can go out leaflet pushing. Now THAT is weird ;)
YOU are not weird. You are free, and free to get the help if you choose to.

Anyway, please let us know how you get on.

Dismissing servant

I agree with Steve..time is on your side...but yes, learning normal life can take years, it's an interesting jorney doing it. I left when I was your age...there were som hard years in the beginning, and some hard times now and then.

You seem to be in a band playing the guitar in your pic. That's great...learning "normal life" by activities...engage yourself in different organised activities with worldley people...this helped me a lot!

Hmm, Wayne Dyer.. I read some of his books in the 1980's . It's a good read....as Steven Hassan. Go for it! :)

Fernando

Change for the better is a process, not an event.

Good help can go a long way.

Many good Psychologists (including some who have escaped and healed from cults).

One in a million good Psychiatrists (like Peter Breggin).

What about compartmentalising your life, in a healthy way, and only talking JW and cult with those like us here who genuinely have a reason to understand and be interested?

cultBgone

Whathehadas, jws define everything in black-and-white, meaning they judge and label absolutely everything. You were taught that non-jws were "worldly" (bad) and now you call them "normal" (good) but the real truth is...there is no such thing as "normal". Normal is a fictitious state of being which only defines what society at large, at the moment, defines as the preferred state of being. It will change in about ten minutes.

Whatever you are is perfect for that moment in time. Yes, you have loads of resentment, and you can deal with that. Although you were raised to think otherwise, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with you. Yes, it might be good to find some counseling, but the very fact that you woke up and left the bOrg means you're intelligent, sensitive, intuitive, and a survivor. THOSE are good labels!!

Everyone, absolutely everyone, goes through levels of anger and grief for the life that was misspent. We've all felt it. Most of us have absolutely raged with anger in private moments, and sometimes here on the board. The great thing is that the people on this board really will support you, so please keep in touch and don't be afraid to vent when you need to. It's safe here.

Healing takes time but you are on your way. Peace and many hugs to you.

LisaRose

Maybe I need some therapy but I don't have the time or energy to deal with that. I barely feel like writing this shit.

You don't have time to deal with it? You don't have time not to deal with it, if you keep on going like you are, that is time you are throwing away. It's called depression and there is no "maybe" about it, you need therapy. I have been there and back with depression, I get it. But dig deep into your self and get up enough energy to make the first phone call, don't think about anything after that, just the first phone call. Then take it from there. Admitting you need help is half the battle.

Doubting Bro

Obviously therapy would help. The key will be to release that anger. Believe me, I struggle with that as well. But resentment and pent up anger will only hurt you. The WTS could care less whether you live or die. Once you feel the same about them, life will be better.

jgnat

First of all I think you are expressing your pain very well.

Second, I have to ask, by not dealing with it any more, are you contemplating suicide? I gotta ask.

Third, if you are tired of battling it through, give yourself some R&R. Do you have some vacation time coming to you?

Fourth, if you don't have time to take care of yourself now, when will you have time for a do-over?

Fifth, nobody is normal and lots of people have messed up histories. Perhaps a friend with a different but similar messed up childhood would be easier to relate to.

Finally what small change could you try this week to help you feel better?

Let me know if any of this helps.

That's it......

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