Tales from the Couch (page 4)

Seven

Larc, Hello. Another night owl, I see. Yes, my whole demeanor did change. Amazing what a little love can accomplish. However, I feel I still need therapy. I'm not finished yet. Sure last week was rough but
I'm learning so much about myself. I'm not running away anymore larc. I can speak aloud about what happened to me. Maybe not in a voice for the entire world to hear, but loud enough for my own ears. I can hear myself say "It wasn't my fault." I believe it now. I'll have bad days here and there I'm sure. Don't we all? Remember when Keith Olbermen was still on Sports Center(ESPN) and he would do injury reports on players, for example: "Patrick Ewing is listed as day to day." Then he'd follow this by saying, "But aren't we all." I'm learning not to let the traumatic events in my life define who and what I am. But I feel I need more help with this and this is why I will continue in therapy. Thanks larc for talking to me. Btw, I order the Ellis book from Amazon. I'll let you know what I think after I've read it. Tell Zazu hello. I haven't seen her around in awhile.

Seven

larc

Seven,

One phrase you used, brought something back to me, "It wasn't my fault". No indeed it wasn't. I think maybe I have had a different mindset than most people. I remember when I was 8 years old, my father went into a rant about how incompetent I was. Well, I had had enough reinforcement in my life not to believe him. I didn't have the words then for what I thought at the time, but in today's language it would be, "Dad, your full of shit." When I was ten, my mother had her first of several manic-depressive nervous breakdowns. My father in his frustration, said that if my sister and I hadn't quarreled so much our mother wouldn't have gotten sick. I did not buy that either at the age of ten, and I will not buy anyone putting the blame for other people's problems on me, and don't let them do that to you. As the graffitee (sp?) says, on a wall in the city of Pompie buried under volcanic ash and discovered later, "Don't let the bastards wear you down."

"Happy trails to you...until we meet again."

I might be damned fiesty, but I'm still alive and kicking.

larc

Seven,

I wanted to tell you a little bit about Albert Ellis, before you get his book. He was trained in Freudian psychoanalysis as was Trevor, and like Trevor he found out that it didn't work very well. When Ellis realized this, there were no alternatives available, so he had to find a better method, which he did.

I mention this because there are a lot of self books out there, but this man's works are very well respected within his own profession. He was voted as one of the top ten most influencial people in Clinical Psychology by his peers. I have read two of his books. "Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy" which is a classic scholarly work. "A New Guide to Rational Living" is a self help book that preceeds the one I recommended to you. I stated all that to establish credability for the man before you get his book.

thinkers wife

Seven,
I am so sorry that I missed this post from the beginning. I have thoroughly read it now though.
I hope it is not to late to add my thoughts.
I too went through therapy. My counselor had good and bad points. And I did have to dig into the past somewhat. I quit going after a year. I felt I was ready. I think I stopped going in May of 1997. Guess what, recently many of the things she worked with me on, are just now taking affect. It really amazes me sometimes! I wouldn't trade that year for anything. The benefits have been immeasurable. You may remember, I am a rape victim too. Therapy not only helped me label it as just that, RAPE. But it also helped me to know that like you said, "It was not my fault". I carried around that guilt for twenty years, she helped me release it. She also taught me to take care of myself. She used to ask me that at the beginning of almost every session. "What did you do to take care of yourself this week?". I used to get so angry when she would ask me that. Because I didn't understand. Now I understand.
Everyone here seemed to give such good and loving advice! It never ceases to amaze me, when I see the love and compassion shown here. We might not be professional, but we care about each other! And that is of immeasurable value!
Keep trying Seven, you are intelligent and a wonderful human being. You will be a survivor. And a better person for it. Hugs and kisses to you. And to all the rest of the caring people who posted on this thread.
TW

thinkers wife

A hearty welcome to you Manicmama, This is a wonderful place to heal! Looking forward to hearing more from you!!!
TW

Seven

TW, Thanks for posting and for the reminder of the importance of taking care of ourselves. I'd like to hear more about your time in therapy if you feel like sharing. Maybe we could get others like manicmama to come in and join us. {hugs}

Seven

thinkers wife

Absolutely Seven,
My email is open if you ever want to talk privately. Feel free to email me. I would love it!! Keep your chin up.
Hugs,
TW

Tina

Greetings 7!,

I'm attempting to catch up on your story :> I understand the pain you're going thru regarding therapy....
Understanding the language of feelings gives us mastery over them.... to do so we have to 're-visit' the trauma,and match the feeling with the event,,,because mostimes,the feelings were so overwhelming,that in order to survive,we 'detached' from them. With increased knowledge of this 'language' we can then begin to free ourselves of the negatives ones.....the energy we used in denying and repressing thses feelings now can be channeled into positive creativity!. The more that is released,the more fear and pain subside,and it can become a self-reinforcing cycle of positive feedback. And from this comes real change and growth! It also helps one identify their strengths. Sometimes the little judge and jury in our minds gets so negative and selective we forget about how competent we are,the things we have accomplished,the positives in our lives......after the painful 're-visitations' I like to encourage one to identify and own their strengths......just some thoughts here FWIW,hugs,Tina

waiting

Hey Tina,

after the painful 're-visitations' I like to encourage one to identify and own their strengths......

I assumed you worked within the medical community by your posts on H20 - may I ask in what capacity?

Nice to see you here.

waiting

Tina

Hi waiting,
Thanks for the welcome(in another post)!! I'm a nationally certified medical asst. I do mostly clinical,pt. history,work-up,phlebotomy,EKG's,(seems like I do it all and the doc walks in,he looks at my work/results and is done in 5 min lol) I also am trained in family systems therapy,alcohol/drug counseling.......worked in a few rehabs as well,psychsocial intakes,c0-facilitator in groups....stuff like that......I basically work only when I have to,,as I'm pursuing other interests........(independent studies),regards,tina

Tales from the Couch

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