one last step..Is being mentally out the same as being emotionally out?

by MissFit 64 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sail Away

  It all happened so fast for me. I was at a service meeting when I woke up emotionally. I spent the next six weeks reviewing all of my doctrinal issues in my mind, not conferring with anyone-- there were many. (I wish I had saved all the letters I wrote to Bethel over my 42 year tenure.) I decided I was done, but kept my word to take another JW to the DC. I remember thinking I was surrounded by The Stepford Wives and literally laughed out loud when they said 'the toes in Daniel's dream image mean nothing!' That was July 4th weekend. I didn't begin researching TTAT until that fall. In two weeks' time I knew I had made the right decision!

  My husband faded 30 years before I did. He didn't learn TTAT until a year after I walked away. He is still working on being emotionally free. His parents are still uber dubs. He was a born in and is still not fully deprogrammed.
• 

  Simon

  I remember that surreal feeling when you mentally step back and see them for what they are, the cliche phrases and people pretending to know what they are talking about and being spiritual but saying their lines like an 8 year old in a school play.

  There are times when you want to laugh out loud at it all - stepford wives is an apt description.
• 

  Vidiot

  Miss Fit - "...there is such a strong push recently to appeal to emotions."

  Well, reason ain't exactly making the cut; what else they got left?
• 

  MissFit

  Simon: well put. I noticed that surreal feeling at the circuit assembly I went to. I realized the talks had little substance to them.

  I saw the review questions on the back of the program. At the end of each part the brother would ask the question and then answer it, giving us time to write it down.

  The kicker? I was sitting there with the rest of them furiously writing down their wisdom?

  I read it back and thought whaaat😩? They took 10-15 minutes to say that?
• 

  MissFit

  So sailaway: that is a perfect example of how people wake up differently. You woke up emotionally first then started on the mental while your husband was physically out, ended up being triggered mentally.

  Shopaholic: I'm glad you worked through it to become emotionally free. It is a process. You are right each person has to find their own way.
• 

  smiddy

  I was a convert at 19yrs old ,and was hooked on doctrine and was active for 33years and we enjoyed a good social life with elders and fellow servants .

  However it was during those last couple of years that I became more aware of double standards , manipulation by elders and some sheer hypocricy that doubts started to arise .So I just started questioning everything they said and coming to the conclusion that what they condemned in the churches was a different matter if the society condoned it .Double standards.

  When I found the internet it took a few years to completely sever ties emotionally and mentally with the borg.

  smiddy
• 

  Niveau

  I was mentally out ages before I was emotionally out, and to be honest, I'm not sure I'm all the way out yet emotionally - I have a hard time knowing if some things are just deeply-ingrained habits, or remaining emotional connections. I've been fully mentally out for about two and a half years (though I knew I was done with the religion well before that) and became disassociated at the end of January this year, for the record.

  I'm fine with a lot of the more overt things; I had a lovely Christmas tree last year, celebrated my birthday for the third year in a row in August, and don't get scared when I read well-written information about evolution anymore. But with some little things... I had a breakdown a few weekends ago and spent about an hour sobbing into my boyfriend's chest about how I miss three teenagers in specific who were like little siblings to me, and he is baffled by the fact that I'm completely incapable of blaming them in the slightest for shunning me. Or, on Friday a friend's band was playing at a bar that was right beside a Hall and I got so weird about how "worldly" the atmosphere there felt that I ended up having to leave. Like I said, I'm not sure if those reactions are from years of thinking a specific way and finding it hard to rework my thought processes, or if I still do have some emotional ties there.
• 

  smiddy

  A lot of people leave the" truth" , however it can take a lot of time for the "truth" to leave them .

  Hang in their Niveau , it gets easier as time passes and the more you learn of their deceptive practices .

  smiddy
• 

  MissFit

  ((((((Niveau))))) Lots of hugs. You are not alone. As you explore this site you will find many people struggling with the same issues you are.

  Someone mentioned that many experience the stages of grief after they leave the org.
• 

  Niveau

  Thanks smiddy and MissFit - you're both awesome

  It seems to come and go in waves for me. It's definitely getting easier over time, but I wish it didn't take so long sometimes! My ex was with me throughout my learning TTATT and getting disfellowshipped and got to see all that firsthand, so I'm having some trouble explaining to the new guy why I still have so many issues related to it. I always enjoy reading the comments from people who have been out for many years now and seem to have had the "truth" leave them - it gives me something to look forward to!