My family has known I'm an apostate

by cognac 50 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  skeeter1

  I am so sorry.

  When I tell my JW family about the lies & errors behind the Truth, even if I use the Truth's own material, they can't stand to even look at the evidence. Then, they run to each other and start to blame me. All behind my back. They have found ways to cut me down. Why, as I am not cutting them down. I am only showing them an "issue" in their religion. Then, it dawned on me that in showing any discord with the Truth, they take it was not validating them as persons. In their minds, if the Truth is stupid, then I must think they are stupid to beleive in such a thing.

  So, then they really started cutting me down. "Skeeter would be nothing without (spouse)" (when I hold 2 advanced degrees, made 6 figures, and 2 professional designations, and do alot of charity work, family person with a stable kids and long lasting marraige). That lack of disrespect led me to basically cut off almost all communications with them. I slipped them off Facebook, blocked from e-mail, and will not return texts. Best few months of my life, lately.

  Shoud I have been surprised? No. That's what they are trained to do. To seek solace and reaffirmation from other cult members. Then, to devalue the person who goes against the cult . . . so as to increase their own image in front of Jehober the group & its elders.

  There is no use arguing with them, becuase they are not in their right minds. Worse, they think that you are not in your right mind. There is no meeting them in the middle. The most you can hope for is fake fellowship.

  Since this has been going on for many years with your husband, I really think you are headed for a separation. That's hard.
• 

  Finkelstein

  I think its critically important to realize and reconfirm what others have said is that JWS are trained

  to be loyal to the organization both in love and respect, above anyone or anything else in their

  lives that includes family or marital spouses.

  .

  Being loyal to the heads (GB) of this organization is even stated clearly in a vow when someone gets Baptism in this religion.

  Every time someone is being evaluated by elders in a Judaical meeting, the individuals are asked do they accept

  the GB leaders as god's sole channel of spiritual direction for mankind ???

  You have to answer yes to this or you will either be DFed or never reinstated .

  Thats how much people are being pressured and corralled to be faithfully obedient and thats why elders are enforcing

  those particular dictates from the leading GB.

  Any diversion from this formulated power structure initiates consequences by judgment and following punishment.
• 

  jamiebowers

  @Balaasmsass2: It is possible he has been gathering sympathy and percieved support for a long time in preparation for an eventual split. If he has his eye on someone else, he will need to demonize you to others and himself to justify a divorce for "spiritual endangerment" and hope you "free him" soon after, so he can re-marry asap.

  IMO, you hit the nail on the head! Cognac's soon to be exhusband has down some pretty low-down, dirty things during their marriage. And he's been building support with her jw family behind her back all along. Cognac, my dear, as I told you in a recent pm, there will be no amicable divorce with someone like him, especially a jw. He's being all reasonable now that he thinks he's got your family on his side. Get a good attorney, get full custody. I know you're hurt, but now is the time to protect yourself and your kids. After it's all over, you'll realize that he was never worthy of you.
• 

  3rdgen

  Jamiebowers, Balaamsass, Ditto
• 

  pronomono

  Cognac (my favorite drink, of course),

  I've been going over some of your past posts and really feel for you and your situation. ((*hugs*)) I needed that too. What you've been through and are going through reminds me of many of the thoughts, feelings, and experiences I've been through with my wife. We're coming up on 6 years of marriage. I've been awake for a year and a half. Seeing some of your posts for the past 6 years scares the crap out of me because I see that becoming my future unless I take more decisive action now. I'm 29 and don't want to live my life regretting not acting sooner. Unfortunately, I don't like the consequences of taking action either. For people in our situation, there really is no "win-win", more of a "win-lose". We've had it engrained in our minds that people like us are the ones that create the divisions in households the Bible speaks of, but in reality its the man-made organization, religious leaders who insist on their spiritual superiority.

  I want to say thank you for sharing your experiences because seeing your thoughts and struggles really does help, especially when I'm examining my own situation. I just don't always know how to put it into words.
• 

  minimus

  I don't think that disparaging your husband is all that fair. I agree that being married to someone that is diametrically opposed to your beliefs is not terrific. Still, you are together and rather than think the worse, I suggest you try to make things work. If, after trying, it still is not workable, then you will not feel awful about whatever decision you will make.
• 

  flipper

  I feel that at this point it's going to be very difficult to make things work with this clown who calls himself your husband. He's disparaged, disrespected you and turned your family against you- I don't see this changing. You need to fortify yourself legally getting counsel and protect those children and yourself as your husband is indeed a disturbed man who will try to manipulate the circumstances to make himself look better and throw you under the bus. Hang in there, we are with you
• 

  kairos

  I agree about getting legal counsel.

  Sorry to hear of the stress.
• 

  Doubting Bro

  Cognac,

  I agree with Min. I know my wife wants to tell the elders and my family but also has seen enough to know that that can go horribly wrong and make things worse. lShe wants me told her what would happen to me so we've come to an understanding.

  I understand your sense of betryal but it really sounds like he was trying to "save" you. It's tough all around. The cult makes them believe that the only way you won't die a horrible death at the Big A is to be a true believing JW. They don't understand boundaries because they are in a cult.

  Of course, all this adds additional stress and if you end up df'ed or da'ed, then both of you will have a decision. It chills me to realize that this religion continues to break up families. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
• 

  SnakesInTheTower

  Sad to hear this. Breaking trust = direspect = no love = ex-spouse. Respect, trust necessary for love.

  Having said that, only you know what is best for you emotionally. Legally, you don't know enough, so get legal counsel to protect yourself and your kids.

  Take care.

  Snakes (Rich)