My family has known I'm an apostate (page 5)

PhilJonesIII

The society has indeed become like a sad old man : Much fear of the apostate band.

cognac reading your experience although i realize this post is a year old has really helped me to know that i am not alone in my feelings right now or current situation. Our backgrounds parallel in many ways and this is an exact situation i was battling with 2 weeks ago which led to me temporarily separating from my husband due to his going behind my back and doing exactly what your husband did to you. Trust is a HUGE factor to me and he broke that and betrayed me all to make himself look like the good guy. We have since reconciled as he asked for a second chance to prove himself to me but the damage has already been done and my name tarnished in his small hometown why? Simply because i cannot conscientiously agree with his religion and he chose to tell everyone that i do not believe anymore thus painting me as an apostate.

I'm currently giving him a second chance because i dont want to give up completely without saying that i at least gave it a chance to work but in my heart i know i will never be able to fully trust him again. I'm sorry things did not work out between you and your husband and I hope you are getting along fine and moving forward with your life. Although i gave my husband a second chance I too am preparing myself to make an exit for good should things go sour again.

It really boils my blood how an organization can come between the sanctity of marriage and condition an individual to put the needs of an organization ahead of one's own mate.I'm second place to this cult and no one should be put in that position to be treated less than what they deserve.

Hugs to you no matter what stage of your journey you are in and thank you for sharing your experience.

Lost-Wun

"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.....

Village Idiot

Lostwun,

"I'm currently giving him a second chance because i dont want to give up completely without saying that i at least gave it a chance to work but in my heart i know i will never be able to fully trust him again."

If you know that you will not be able to trust him from this day onward then there should be no second chance. What's the point if you know the same thing could easily happen again?

C0ntr013r

How ironic that the Jws say a marriage can't be fully functional without "a third party"; Jehovah(aka: JW.ORG)...

They say it is needed for a truly strong and happy marriage. It is why so many marriages in the world don't last...

(that is not true either, Jws divorce rates are just as high as any other denomination)

Lostwun

VillageId during the time I separated from him I thought about divorce. I contemplated it alot actually and was fully determined to go through with it but I had time to reflect back on my friendship with my husband in the beginning. We were friends before lovers and I tried to keep that in mind before making that ultimate step. In no way am I condoning what he did or how he hurt me and ive explicitly laid everything out on the line to him just how much his actions strained our marriage and the loss of trust because of it. I could have easily put my hands up and washed myself of him completely but I dont want to look back later and have any regrets if things could have been salvaged and I never at least even gave it a chance.

I have my ducks in a row in case things go sour again but at least my conscience will be clear knowing that despite the hurt I tried to make things work if it doesn't.

cognac

Ugh, lostwun, I'm so sorry you are going through this... Feel free to contact me anytime if you want to chat.

Lostwun

Thanks cognac. The same applies for you if you ever need to vent. Im always here to listen. :)

Alive!

Hi lostwun,

I just want to share a thing or two.

When I was a full in JW (I'm talking fever pitch here ;-) ) - I had reason to be desperately disturbed by some of my husband's behaviour and....deep breath....I confided in Elders and 'mature Christian friends'.

Not just once, but over several periods during our marriage. I'm ashamed.

At that time I felt absolutely guilt free re sharing my concerns because I was terrified. Terrified that Satan was influencing my husband, that I might lose my husband to 'the world' - I wanted to be partnered with a spiritual head, to stand 'shoulder to shoulder' together. He always dragged his feet. It sometimes frightened me.

So, you may I ask what kind of person am I? Now, I look back and think how wrong that was.

We've been married over 30 years and it was actually me who first instigated pulling away from the Org as I kept uncovering the inconsistencies and my eyes opened wide to the dishonest nature of the org.

My husband has forgiven me for my breach of confidence, for dragging him in front of Elders and basically making our marriage a threesome with the Borg.

I loved him, I sought 'spiritual help' because I cared intensely.

A threefold cord with a cult is not a threefold cord with God. An entirely different thing.

We both know each other, the good, bad and ugly. He trusts me. We've learnt painful lessons. We're still doing life together.

It's not impossible to rebuild trust, just be aware that your husband is responding to the same terrifying brainwashing that I responded to.

If you stripped away all the religion, all the cult/mob mentality - do you see a man who loves you and who you could love back?

Thats the thing.

If this post is 'hi-jacking' - is it? I'm sorry if it is.....I'll hope for the best and press 'post'. X

cognac

Alive! - you aren't hijacking the thread. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Lostwun

Cognac im sorry I took over your thread too. It was not my intention.

Alive thank you for sharing your experience also and helping me to see the other perspective in this type of scenario. Im glad you and your husband were able to work through the trials and even better that you both are out together and that he forgave you for the past indiscretion.

If my husband was no part of this cult he would undeniably put me first as he does truly love me but sadly he equates being loyal to jehovah as being loyal to the org.

He is aware of my stance and terms on being back together again and that includes him making no reference of me or my private affairs to others anymore and so far he has been keeping to that and keeping the elders off my case. I do agree with you that trust can be rebuilt over time but he has a long way to go with me in proving that to be the case. Yet he's commited to doing so, so only time will tell at this point.

I realize too we are both fairly new to this marriage gig. This year we make 2 years so we both still have lots to learn in how to make a success of this marriage through the obstacles.

Hopefully we can get over this hump and make it to 30 years like you alive.

I truly empathize though with others such as cognac who weren't able to salvage things with their mate because of the interference of this cult in our personal relationships and matters of conscience.

It is a crime and truly pisses me off at the damage that it does to people and their families.

My family has known I'm an apostate

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