Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread (page 24)

Caole

Hi Waiting...I remember Radars post from H2O...I remember coming up with the wrong answer tooHere's something similar that was sent to me recently(BTW...congrats on passing the 3000 mark):

I am going to ask you three questions. And, you have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time; you have to answer immediately! O.K.?
Let's find just how clever you really are ........ Ready?
GO !!!!!

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second. What position do you finish?
NOW! See the answer below...
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.
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Answer:
If you answered that you arrived first, then you are absolutely wrong!!! When you overtake the second, you take his place. So, you arrived second!!!
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question: If you overtake the last, then you arrive...?
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Answer: If you answer that you arrived second last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST !!!!

Here's your third Question, but on a new subject -- Subject: *Very, very Tricky Maths!
Note: This riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD ONLY and NOT using paper and a pen. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.

What is the total? (scroll down for answer)
.
.
.
.
Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100. You don't believe it? Check with your calculator! The decimal sequence confuses our brain, that always jumps to the highest decimals (100s instead of 10s).

Caole

1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft is sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, was known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. A three-legged dog walked into a saloon in the Old West. He slid up to the bar and announced "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

4. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

6. A man entered his local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

7. A woman had identical twin sons, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Amahl. The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan.

Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responded, "But they are twins - if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

And the worst of the bunch:

8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God", the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.

So...the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving....

(brace yourself)

that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars

waiting

Hey Caole!!!!!

Those were terrific! They were all awful in grinning sort of way.

Like when you tell someone a joke and they all look in pain when you're done - but laugh anyway.

waiting

Caole

I know what you mean...one of my sisters sent those to me...I think I had that pained look on my face as I was reading them

Words that should be in the Dictionary

1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or b)squirting himself in the eye(or ear).

4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the phones are not connected.

6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"

8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will remove all the germs.

9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in the rearview mirror.

10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater..

12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches