Married Guyz / Extramarital "Friendships&a...

SPAZnik

Ok, so, like, what is the deal with married guys?

One of the, uh, strange new things i've encountered since de-borg-ing
is being like a MAGNET for one married guy afta anutha....

???

It's a strange new phenomenon, and i'm just not entirely sure what i wanna make of it.

Some are just friends, and this is clear. There is sometimes a wink involved, but not seriously.

But, Some hit on me. (And they are serious & persistant too.)

Some want to be "friends". I guess being unaccustomed to this, i'm a little suspicious and having some trouble making my mind up about how *I* feel about ze whole shebang.

???

This is a tuff topic to raise with people to gain any kind of big picture.

I find people get rather heated and jump to judgements (or defenses?) about it to the point that getting any kind of valuable insight from them is difficult.

It's the strangest phenomenon. I have found that even people who themselves are currently married and having an extra-marital affair, are highly critical of any interaction whutsoever, friendship or otherwise, between married and unmarried people. I don't get it.

And as for the opinions of the married guys, well, they all seem to say the same things, and it ends up sounding like a line, so i'm not sure what to trust.

I'd really like to hear any commentz you may have about the mindset of married guys that try to get friendly with a single (and not looking right now) gal.

Also about what kind of vibe or unintentional signals i may be sending
that is putting me into this situation time and again. (or is this just life on the outside?)

I want to make sure i'm not missing any possible angles on this as i make up my own mind on what *i* think about it all.

I need all the help I can get on this. Something tells me that *you* guyz and galz are just the folks that can give me the diversified cross-section of opinions i'm looking for.

Edited by - SPAZnik on 14 August 2002 20:55:38

Prisca

haha, I can sooooo relate to this one.

Ever since I got involved in this "net thang" (as JT would call it), I have encountered many married guys on the net. Unhappily married guys, by their own admission. And I guess, if they were happy, they wouldn't be spending so much time online, rather than spending that time with their partners and children.

Most of them just want someone to talk to. Some of them want to flirt, and more if there was a possibility of meeting up. However, most of the married guys I chat to are not in Oz, so there's practically a zero chance of ever meeting.

I think it's basically up to you as to what you want these relationships to be. If you state your boundaries (in a friendly way), then most men will respect that, and appreciate the friendship. If you want more, then if the guy is also looking for some extra-marital action, he will pick up the vibes and things will go from there.

And although I've said these things in regards to online relationships, it does carry over to real life situations too. Some guys just want friendship, others want more. But you've got the right to state what you want, and the guys will have to respect that.

Elsewhere

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what these guys want.

peaceloveharmony

agrees with elsewhere

edited to add:

although if you keep the friendship boundaries in place, then all that will develop is a friendship. but i still think they are looking for something more but will take your friendship, maybe with the hope that someday you'll let them cross that boundary ??

i'm not saying ALL married men are like this but sheesh i've sure met a lot that are.

Edited by - peaceloveharmony on 14 August 2002 21:33:17

SixofNine

<------ tends to agree with else and harmy. For whatever reason, these guys feel comfortable hitting on you. I am curious, percentage wise, how does the 'married men who hit on you' ratio, compare to the 'single men who hit on you' ratio?

eyegirl

i agree with elsewhere and harmony.............if you both agree on the boundaries of a friendship and stick to them, it's fine. personal experience tells me that's very hard to do. ask my sister how many times i've cried on her shoulder because of it. just think about things before you do anything you're going to regret. it's easy to get attached and have your heart broken because of it.

beck

larc

OK ladies, what about the other side of the coin. Why do some single women hit on married men? It has happened to me.

Beck_Melbourne

Married men (or women for that matter) - the forbidden fruit!

I used to take a hard stand regarding extra marital affairs with the opinion all married men (or women) who have flings are dogs. I've mellowed over the years...and I don't have this hard outlook any longer. I think the internet and exposure to these situations has taught me that.

The reasons why women/men look outside the marriage for that extramarital spice in life varies - each circumstance is different, but it is inevitable that someone is going to get hurt eventually.

I think the only time no one gets hurt is if:

a. wife does not mind or chooses to ignore it
b. mistress is aware that cheating husband will not leave wife for her and accepts this
c. no one falls in love - it is just a F..rollick!

Beck

Beck_Melbourne

larc - because you're a hottie!

Beck

Prisca

Darn you Beck, you beat me to it!

Larc is a hottie!!

Married Guyz / Extramarital "Friendships&a...

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