Married Guyz / Extramarital "Friendships&a... (page 4)

larc

SPAZ, I think that a lot of what you wrote makes perfect sense. This thing about playing with a married man has a major flaw in it. It can start out as a fling, just of fun thing to do. Sadly, F-ing often leads to emotional attachments. So, "no strings attached" slowly evolves into strong emotional ties. Then the pain and suffering begins.

SPAZnik

Beck,

I can see where you are coming from.

I'm not sure if i agree entirely with one thing you said (if ya don't mind me pulling it outta context)...

"being married is not a deterrent...being NOT interested is."

For some women yes.

I've met some women that view it the opposite though,

"being married iz a deterrent, being NOT interested is not."

Oh wait, those were my desperately single dub girlfriendz from the past. hehe nevermind.

Ok, larc, i'd like to add desperation and instability to your list.

hey, itz possible.

SPAZnik

Beck:

What?? You mean he lied to me????? LOL

SPAZnik

larc

Sadly, F-ing often leads to emotional attachments.

lmao. i know itz said in a serious way, but i find it strangely humorous standing on itz own.

i dunno...all in all....i guess i see it as an overall waste of time and energy to get involved with a married guy. the benefits (which could technically be found in anyone so why go for the married one) just don't outweigh the risks of pain & suffering from all angles and to all parties. just doesn't sit right wit me.

Personally, i have never slept with a guy and THEN fallen in love with him.
Itz happened the otha way 'round tho'. (fallen and then slept).

btw, the converse is even true,
"Happily, emotional attachments can lead to F-ing."

heehee. much better way 2 go, and higher quality 'sperience, IMO

Zero doubts, confusion, or baggage there!
Zero question of morality there eitha.

No excuses needed.

Just fun and wonderment galore.

(til *somebody* bolts. lol.)

SPAZ

SPAZnik

anutha question...

how do y'all view engaged or otherwise "committed" people? do they fall into the married category?

peaceloveharmony

how do y'all view engaged or otherwise "committed" people? do they fall into the married category?

yup, pretty much someone in a committed relationship is basically married. there are lots of types of relationships: seeing each other, dating, seriously dating, committed, live in partner.

it all comes down to what the two parties have agreed are the "terms" of their relationship.

SPAZnik

Prisca,

If you state your boundaries (in a friendly way), then most men will respect that, and appreciate the friendship.

Actually, i'm finding that stating it in a friendly way doesn't seem to put them off.

Admittedly, i'm new to figuring out *my own* boundaries, so perhaps they are picking up on that vibe and hoping that no really means yes and that they will somehow still be able to push me in their direction.

I'm guessing that as i sort out my own definitive stance, this will become more readily apparant on all wave-lengths and then it won't be a prob.

SPAZ

ps - thanks again fer all yer commentz peoplez, it haz already helped! if u think uv any uther anglez, i'm all earz.

SPAZnik

harm

it all comes down to what the two parties have agreed are the "terms" of their relationship.

i agree wit dat.

SPAZ

MikeMusto

Married woman are just woman who need one more glass of wine to be seduced.

13th_apostate

spaz: as a married man, I wanted to share a little of my experiences with you. I've been married for 7 years, and together with my wife for 2 years before that. when I was single, I was NEVER hit on. NEVER. true, I was a bit shy and quiet and I've changed a lot since that time, but women never showed much interest in me other than friendship. I got married and it all changed. I'm not sure exactly when it all changed because I really have a blindspot to women flirting with me (one time in a bar, I was so into a conversation I was having with my wife that I didnt notice the waitress flirting with me. it wasn't until the waitress asked if we had separate tickets that my wife very forcefully said, "no, one ticket. WE'RE TOGETHER" that I looked up and asked her why she was so rude. my wife said, "she's only been THROWING herself at you since we got here." I hadn't a clue that she was.) but definitely did change. I literally watched a woman's whole body language change from aloof and icy to warm and inviting once she found out I was married. true, I am very friendly and a little flirty but it is more of a "oh-women-never-take-me-seriously-and-I'm-married-anyway" type of flirting instead of the patented "I-want-to-boink-your-brains-out" type of flirting. I've always wondered why they flirt with me knowing that I'm married. I tried to ask one woman when I was out at a club with some guys why she was so "into" me even though I was married. she just smiled and pulled me on the dance floor. what happened next was freaky and I'm not going tell because no one will believe me if I do. hell, I was there and dont believe it. let's just say that I eased out the back door and left in a hurry.

edited to add: ALONE, I left the club alone. dont want anyone to get the wrong idea.

as a married man, I don't flirt seriously. I'm a really easy going fun loving type of guy. I will tell a married friend she is sexy if I think she is depressed or she is having a bad day. I never flirt with "intention" as it were. for me, it is easy to pick up the unspoken vibes a woman puts out. it's the woman who I dont know very well that puts out the strong sexual vibe that I try to avoid.

I do know a lot of married guys that cheat for a "hobby" as it were. I dont understand them. of course, I am sworn to secrecy and have never ratted on them, but I dont understand why they do it. one guy who I really dont associate with any more was constantly trying to have his wife invite a friend over so that they could have a threesome! he also cheated on her a couple of summers ago with a friend from work who she brought home; the girl and her husband were new in town and didnt know that many people. I don't get it. I dont get him sharing all that with me and I dont get his insistence on it when she was most definitely NOT into that sort of thing. I have a friend that's a cop and he cheats all over town, but we have never discussed it. it's just something he does. don't understand that at all.

so maybe it is all a matter of conquest or challenge. I dont know. there are the occasion when there are actually real marital problems that women and men look outside the marriage for comfort; I suppose they do that because it's easier that trashing the relationship and trying all over again from scratch. I'm not sure. but from my point of view, I have seen more women, married and single, hit on married guys than the other way around. maybe there is a shortage of guys in my area, I dont know.

there are my two cents.

will

Edited by - 13th_apostate on 15 August 2002 20:57:28

Edited by - 13th_apostate on 15 August 2002 20:58:27

Married Guyz / Extramarital "Friendships&a...

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