Should the boyfriend sleep over?? (page 4)

Beck_Melbourne

Gawd...I thought I had it in the bag

I found this comment interesting from Xandria's research:

One of the most comprehensive studies of teens found that the more parents and other adults talk to kids about sex and its consequences, the less likely they are to engage in it prematurely and casually.

Study after study has shown that it is ignorance, not knowledge, about sex that creates problems. Kids crave information about relationships, becoming sexually active, and avoiding pregnancy and STDs. The basic birds and bees is not enough.

Those comments apply to me when I was a teen. My mother gave me the red Youth and she said 'now go read it'. I did, then I tossed it aside...but I had been having sex with my worldy boyfriend well before she'd got to me. I eventually married him btw, but I was very young and very naive and very stoopid...but...I believe that if I'd had the right education and emotional support and lots of understanding, I would have done things a whole lot different, and had a much better life. I hope to give my kids the opportunities I was denied...in the hope that they make sensible decisions as they grow into young adults. I don't know if I am doing the right thing...all I know is that my mother didn't do right by me...I want to change that for my own. This is a toughie!

Lisa: No I have not talked to the boy's parents about this subject, I haven't even talked to the boy about it yet, I just said he could sleep over if it was okay with his parents, but he would have to sleep in the spare room. His parents sent his older sister around to check up on the sleeping arrangements...and they rang a couple of times to talk to him, but we have not as yet exchanged any thoughts on it all...we didn't sit down and make an official announcement

I love this:

He may "look like a nice boy" but not everybody with a STD is walking around hacking up blood and scratching their crotch.

LMAO...I'm gonna tell him you said that hehehe.

Thanks everyone for your contributions. When I win the 'best mum' award, I'll hold up my trophy and blow you all kisses

Beck

deddaisy

no

Beck_Melbourne

Interesting to note there are a few no's and even a hell no LOL.

I have not ruled out 'no' at this point...but some reasons would be helpful.

I want to be flexible, but not too liberal...I want to set boundaries, but not too substantial...I want to be understanding but not too laid-back...hell I want to be lots of things...I want to be rich and thin, can't have everything I want.

*throws hands up in the air*

Beck

professor

Good luck with this one! You remind me that I am eventually going to have to deal with questions like this with my two daughters. And to think I was not even allowed to date at all as a JW (even after turning 18!).

Xena

Beck sounds like you are doing a great job communicutating with your daughter on this and IMO that is the most important thing!

Personally with my own daughter, I hope to encourage her to have a healthy body image and none of the sexual hang-ups I had to endure as a JW. I am a great believer in being very open and honest with my daughter, in as much as I feel she can handle at the age level she is at.

It appears to me like you are handling matters in a very open and mature way thus ensuring your daughter will have a safe healthy sexual lifestyle now and in the future.

refiners fire

I heartily concur with your diagnosis Doctor Xena.

Kingpawn

Beck,

First, I have to agree with those who say you're handling it about as well as can be expected. It's not an easy call. Relevant thread for me--my youngest is 17 in six days and has an interest in boys.

Second, agree also that knowing how his parents feel about it--and having a discussion with both your daughter and the b/f about STDs etc., is a good idea--as also an implant.

Third, this isn't the main topic of the thread, but:

I smell smoke on my eldest daughter's clothes sometimes, and I suspect she is smoking even though she denies it.

I visit a guy once in a while. My wife can always tell because I come back reeking of cigarette smoke because he smokes like a chimney. So she could be telling the truth.

Plus, it'd seem odd to me that she'd be honest with you about wanting to go on the Pill (which would be a red flag to almost any parent), yet lie about smoking.

OUTLAW

Hey Beck,I`m a dad with adult children..Should the boy friend sleep over?...... NO! ......Theres a better chance I would keep cattle in the living room,than let the boyfriend sleep over...OUTLAW

Beck_Melbourne

Thanks to you guys responding in this thread, I am feeling more comfortable and confident in my dealings with my daughter. I have had a couple of small chats with her over the last couple of days, just reinforcing some of the suggestions that you have all offered...and getting some feedback from her. She is a terrific experiment, I must say, she is more then happy to discuss things openly and share what is on her mind. I agree about the smoking KingPrawn, I could be overly paranoid...and she does have friends who smoke. I also notice our daughters turn 17 at the same time, your youngest, my eldest, you're lucky as you've had some practice LOL.

I notice it is the Dad's saying 'no' more so then the Mum/Mom's. Wonder why that is. I have to admit that Andy isn't too keen on the idea...Andy is her stepfather...he has his own thoughts on the subject...very much like you fathers. I have told my daughter how Andy feels, and out of respect for him, she may not encourage sleep over nights. He hasn't said no, he's just said he's not comfortable with it. I am pleased that she is so yeilding, it makes situations like this so much easier to deal with. But most importantly, she knows she can talk to me about this taboo subject whenever she is ready. I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing...and I guess there's no way of knowing what is the right thing and what is the wrong thing.

To me, it all comes down to their ability to cope with life's hassles...will they be well equipped, am I preparing them in advance in a sensible and balanced way, will my decisions today affect them tomorrow?

Thanks everyone for your comments...I welcome them all...and they have been of more benefit to me then you realise.

Beck

larc

Beck, why do you think the men here are more likely to say no, than the women?

Should the boyfriend sleep over??

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