I think you're attempting to control something over which you have absolutely no control whatsoever.
If you don't want them getting a spot of heavy breathing in our home, you should be able to enforce that and expect total respect from both of them. But, especially if she's on the pill, and she's already told you she wouldn't get on the pill until she was ready to use it for its intended purposes, she and he WILL FIND A WAY. And there's nothing you can do about it but make yourself frustrated because you can't control the situation anymore.
Humans, after all are, sexual animals. We are made that way. Puberty, sexual maturity, happens at a pretty young age, and it is an irresistible urge. And even when we are married or "belong" to someone else, that still doesn't keep us from running across someone from time to time that make us loose all our sense of proportion and propriety, and all we can think about is how much we want that other person, how much we want them right now, and we don't even care if they are on the other side of the planet, we want them, we want them in the worst way, we want them now, we want to do the heaving breathing part, then we want the soft conversation part, and the holding part, and the gentle part and the loving part, and sooner or later, we want that heavy breathing part again. Don't we?
It's just human nature. They're gonna do it. Count on it. They may already have. Thank God they're being honest, and thank God they're using protection. You've not no troubles in this at all, unless they want to do it in your home. I say that's where you have the right to draw the line. You're not your daughter's enabler, her pimp, after all. No matter how liberal you are, and no matter that something like this has NEVER crossed your mind.
Hope that helps to put things in perspective for you.
-francois
