This is a most thoughtful and interesting thread. I have enjoyed reading the many comments. In my own case, I have been out for many years and the after effects are minimal (I think). When I first left, I had two major problems. First off, I was very suspicious of others out there in the world. It took me a long time to over come this, and be able to assess the many good people from the very few bad ones. Also, I was a very judgemental person, and it took me a long time to be more accepting of other's and their differences in thinking and life styles.
Social retards
by Simon 46 Replies latest jw friends
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troucul
Mevirginia, sad to say, I had the same experience with a girl not to long ago. She was so freaked out when I told her I was a dubba. I tried to emphasize WAS, not IS. No matter tho, she wouldn't hear of it.
Dannybear, I think your right when it comes to true friends. Funny, even tho I'm out of the borg, I've started burning my bridges as far as friends I've made outside of the borg. My feeling is, if they don't want a friendship, then they can go to hell. You made me think, tho.
Peace out
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siegswife
Simon, I think that the JW's attract those of us who are socially retarded anyway, without the benefit of being raised a Jdub. LOL
Seriously though, I pretty much always felt like I couldn't or didn't fit in, even before I became a JW. One thing I've realized as I get older though is that most people are pretty much socially retarded. I don't think it's a phenomenon that only occurs with people raised in a cult-like atmosphere. People are people everywhere. You have some that are superficial on a social level and people that are looking for deep connections. You have people that cautious and people who wear their hearts on their sleeve.
I used to play at another non JW board for a couple of years (I was the drug czar...lol) and let me tell you that place wasn't immune to flame wars either. These people had known each other (online) for years and still would take offense, be offensive and all the same shit that goes on here.
Take heart, 'normal' is a figment of our imaginations if we think it's something other than what we are.
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wednesday
Yes, i think in a number of cases the WTBS makes us social retards. I knew one sweet girl and her family and she sat and cried one day that she dind't even know how to give a party and decorate and all due to all party decoratiions being looked on as being like the world. Also, having been df it really does somethig to your mind to not have social contact. if u are really trying to get reinstated-well u can have no worldly association no one in the WTS will speak to u. It can make u crazy. plus if u are marked, which so happens after reinsatement-well u will have no freinds at all. so it can affect your social skills. Not knowing how to give a BD party-or a holloween, how to do xmas well it really puts u at a disadvantage.
One other thing i wanted to add, i really found i have PTSD from the JC meetings. Anytime i received an evaluation at work or counsel, i just about freaked out. Felt like i was in front of the JC and decisions were being made to oust me.
Edited by - wednesday on 21 October 2002 14:23:8
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undercover
I have to admit that I was socially stunted by being raised as a JW. Even as an adult, I had a hard time relating to people in social situations. I worked with them well enough, but at company dinners or socializing with clients, it was hard. I usually tried to get out of it(which is what you're supposed to do anyway. Bad associations and all). I grew up trusting no one. I did not trust anyone in the world and for some reason it carried over to the witness life. As I have gotten older and become inactive, I have started to learn some social skills. I enjoy company cocktail parties, dinners and meeting clients over a meal. I can go in a bar now and strike up a conversation with a pretty girl(I couldn't even look em in the eye before). I still am skeptical of people in general but I have learned to meet people, size them up, and decide whether I could be friends with them(instead of assuming no friendship because they were not a JW). I don't think I will ever be the life of the party, but I can at least relax, enjoy myself, meet new people, make new friends.
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seven006
I think what a lot of people fail to see in them selves as well as others is we are all just trying to fit into this great big world as best we can and nobody actually knows exactly what they are doing. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others because it is our weird little faces we see every morning in the mirror when we get up instead of theirs. That first look before that cup of coffee or shower starts each of our days wondering who in the hell that ugly person was that was staring back at us from that lying little piece of glass. We jump in the shower then comb, paint, scrape, pluck, brush, and spray stuff all over our bodies trying to hide the truth about what we had seen before we washed away the person we were yesterday. We then go out into the world to interact with others who had just washed, combed, painted, scraped, plucked, brushed, and sprayed stuff all over their bodies so that they could wash away the person they were yesterday. Mirrors should be banned. Full length mirrors do not sell well.
After we have tried to correct the lie that our mirrors told us, our eyes take a bit of a break and then and our ears take over. They hear about traffic jams, stock market falls, unemployment rates going higher, people shooting other people with high powered rifles, small countries working on making big bombs, people starving and fighting and cheating and stealing and kidnapping and putting poison in Halloween candy for kicks. Our ears tell us this is a sick world. Our minds tell us that we need to try and fit into it somehow. Our minds need a damn vacation. Our ears need to have little earphones plugged into them with soft music playing all the time. Our eyes just need a little Visine.
I have worked with so called retarded people before teaching them what I could about art. Most retarded people do not make bombs or try to shoot people with high powered rifles. Most retarded people just want to know that they are loved and if it is OK to love you back and that other people who are not retarded are not afraid of them. Retardation is not contagious. Retarded people learned at a young age not to bite other people. Most retarded people know they are not considered normal. They live with that fact every day. They still want to know they are loved and if it is OK to love you back and that other people are not afraid of them. The major difference between us and them is they tend to accept who they are a lot better than we do.
Socially retarded? I have used that phrase myself many times when trying to explain to others about how I was raised. My thoughts have changed about it over the years. I am no longer a JW nor am I what someone would see as a person who fits in well with the rest of the world. I think they taught other people how to be socially acceptable during all those holiday parties and school dances we all missed out on. I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed socially retarded. I can live with that. It's who I am. All I want to know is if I am loved and no body is afraid of me. I too learned at a young age not to bite other people. That is unless they like it. The rest of the world will do what it does, I can't change that. Neither can any of you. When you think you can is where you begin to become frustrated. It's too big of a job for one person so don't try it. You can join groups that ban together to change things and then you can feel socially accepted with that one group. We all tried that once. We all come here to talk about it now.
Depending on which group you decide you want to be a part of will depend on how that group thinks in accordance with your own thinking. Religions have their groups. Governments have theirs. Young frustrated people who want to scream at the top of their lungs to say "look at me I am somebody" have theirs. Religious groups say nice loving things that are usually meant only for those who are a part of that group. They also have some who take their thoughts a little too far and fly airplanes into buildings. Governments make bombs so that they can blow up other governments who say they want a bombs too. The governments with the biggest bombs usually win the argument and cut down on their own over population problem at the same time. Young frustrated people who want to scream stuff from the top of their lungs tend to dress a little weird and eat people sushi. Trying to be socially acceptable in certain groups can be bad. Trying too hard to be accepted in itself can drive you a little goofy. Accepting the fact that you are a social retard can have it's advantages in life. I am personally in a place in my life I actually prefer it.
This is our little group. We are all socially retarded.
My name is Dave and I am a social retard.
Dave
Edited by - seven006 on 21 October 2002 18:13:38
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outoftheorg
I seem to be in the same spot as Dave. I was born into the org. I never did learn the full meaning of social interaction, nor how to accomplish it.
I let that bother me a lot and finally decided that I am who I am and I will do my best and if that does not work with all people-screw it-. I find that some people are more tolerant of me than others and I tend to group with them.
I feel that we all do not have a great length of time on this earth and I want to get on with my life with the fewest worries and concerns. I grew very tired of trying to please others in every way when I was in the org. I still try to not offend others but if it happens I will apologize and go on. If they want to hold it against me or ask for more I ignore the attempts and what happens then is ok with me.
I refuse to over analyze myself or others. I want the simplest kind of life that is possible.
Outoftheorg