HI Shytears. This thread is a few days old so I don't know if you will read this but I just wanted to make a couple of comments.
I think the people on this board are all very sincere in their thinking and many of us have been scarred for life by the WT. However, I think that at times we have the tendency to "throw the baby out with the bath water". Pun intended.
Not everything that the WT teaches or has taught is wrong. Not all of us agree that sex outside of marriage is appropriate. I don't. Having said that, what you do from now on is really your decision. And, as has been stated, most young people (and older people) will have guiltless sex if they want to.
Just consider the fact that God's ideas don't change but human customs and styles do.
We all make mistakes. We don't have to repeat them. Sex really is intended for marriage. And as one poster said, (paraphrase) "if the milk is free, why buy the cow?" Please everyone, remember that it is an expression, I'm not calling you a cow!
If you are convinced that sex outside of marriage is wrong, determine not to continue doing it. Read the Bible if you are so inclined and speak to people who believe. Contrary to popular opinion, not everyone "does it".
I am a man. I live in a society that is EXTREMELY promiscuous. I have a 19 year old son who live with me. He believes the same as I do. I mention with some pride that the guy is a real "chick magnet". He is handsome and has a great personality. But he has convinced himself that sex outside of marriage is incorrect. It has caused him some problems with peers but I believe he is firm in his belief.
If he does make a mistake I have always assured him that my love is unconditional. I will support him and will never shun him. I can't live his life for him. As mentioned by others, sex is a major problem for most of us. Just please don't assume that you are obligated to follow the "custom" if you feel that it contradicts your conscience. And, you really should train your conscience according to God's will.
But, only you are accountable to God. I agree that you should not tell the elders and I see that you have determined not to. They can't "save" you anyway. And, yes, many do get a perverse pleasure from making you go over the details. Do or don't do according to your conscience. The True God is forgiving and will accept you even if humans won't. We do His will because we love Him, not out of a spirit of fear.
I enjoyed the comments of Shakita (sp?) and Avishai.
All of us guys are not guided solely by our hormones.
Take good care of yourself and keep searching for the real "Truth".
Marcos (from Mexico)